Fight for Equestria 3: Friendship is Ironic
by Lord Michael Blackburn
Summary: it's here! the epic ending for the FFE trilogy, with laughs, fighting, and offensive humor! A few years after the events of FFE2, the relationship between marcus and the rest of the ponies began to fade; problems set in VERY quick. rated M for anything and everything.
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: well….I'm back, and ready to light up the target! Pumped on a freaky mountain dew-eggnog hybrid drink, and with several weeks and brilliant ideas, not to mention some help from robbytherouge and shadowfire117 (my only regret is a didn't ask more questions to them)…

See, this story is different to me; the plot just flowed out of my head….and I am trying something new that shadowfire suggested: take my time, give the story some "life" to it….

Oh, that I did… I tried my best for this story, and now comes my moment of judgment in the eyes of my fans, readers, and critics (if any of those I mentioned)

Here it is:

Fight for Equestria: book 3 friendship is ironic

By: Michael Blackburn

_Plot: it is now 2575, and nothing out-of-whack has happened…after all, who wouldn't think that? The tiberiuem problem is over, no Nazi zombies left…WHY WORRY? Well, because of that attitude, shit stealthy hits the fan in a way I am not mentioning to keep my storyline secret._

_ALL RIGHT!_

_Let's do this shit! LERRRROOOOY JENNNNKINS! _

CHAPTER 1: where are they now?

BEEP IT IS NOW…..10:00….UNSC STANDERED TIME….WAKE THE FUCK UP: GENERAL WATERS. That is all.

Marcus cracked his eyes open, pulled out his pistol, and blew his alarm clock away with a full clip. He slowly climbed out of his bed, and looked in the mirror; things weren't the same anymore…the UNSC gave him a fat promotion, then barely sent him ANY mail after that…that was 3 years ago.

He pulled out his dull razor blade and started to shave, hoping that it would slit his throat….things were getting boring for him…..2571, there was fighting….2572…MORE fighting…..on the day that marked one year past 2572, the entire equestrian army was on red alert, in case some bullshit happened.

Nothing happened.

The drill went on for 2 years, until 2574, when they figured "FUCK IT! We got shit to do."….it was then on the bond between Marcus and the town (even Mendez, his friend) started to fall apart. One night, he grabbed his gear, and left town; he now lived in a small jury-rigged UNSC bunker in the military graveyard for tanks from the first battle of Equestria; the graves of his original men were even there…he knew they were the last remains of humans around.

As he finished his half-assed shave, he walked to his table and pulled out a potato, and ate it whole; it was all he had left, just a 300 pound sack of em' that was all he could carry, everything else, he made or found…his life was very simple now.

He had a meager place to farm outside, and he hid in his house most of the day just in case if the princess was hunting for him. He sat in a folding chair that looked out his window and sighed.

_Meh. I blew up my bar anyway to cover up my escape, where else could I go?_

He still didn't know why he did that; he was going to quietly leave town, but it just so "happened" the princess was in town to "visit". Marcus then activated a timed charge and 700 pounds of C-12 and escaped town as well as faked his death to live a life free of fear from the princess.

Yet he felt like shit; he was just a relic of a conflict that was never going to need him again. He wondered how ridinoff was doing at that time.

(Meanwhile, in canterlot…)

Ridinoff huffed in annoyance as his douchebag intern asked him if he enforced "don't ask, don't tell" back in the war; it was moments like this he wished he still had his CCSH, but being a paper-pushing quarter-master for a military food supplier wasn't his idea of "fun"

He had always been a pony of action, and he was the last "true" person in equestria's army/ combined assault troops, when no-one showed up for the roll calls and he started floggings to remedy that. the princess had him transferred to a desk job after 467 troops had the flesh basically removed off their backs; the princess didn't openly say this, but she would have sent him to the moon if the public didn't like him so much.

Either way he looked at it, it meant 10 more years of listening to douchebag's like this private who was greener than even Chernov was at one time!

The private stopped for a moment, then asked "so, how many dicks did you suck to get your rank?"

_Ridinoff stopped, looked at him and said "you will regret saying that." Before the private could think of a witty comment, he screamed in pain as ridinoff fired his suppressed CZ pistol into his side, and then stepped on his neck; Ridinoff started laughing manically._

"uh sir?"

Ridinoff stopped laughing, as the private tapped on his shoulder; ridinoff had been daydreaming, he looked around the office and saw everyone staring at him. He slammed his head into the table and muttered "I wonder if I could retire…."

(somewhere in ponyville…)

Mendez went to the fridge and grabbed a few apples; it was all he could afford at this point. He was now working 17 jobs to pay for 459 colt support bills, and applejack helped him out this month and gave him some food…for a price.

Ever since Marcus's bar exploded, he realized something: he had to do work now. Dash had to clear the skies so much, they hadn't seen each other in a year! He couldn't seem to hold a full-time job because he was to focused on mares; he was feeling less of himself lately.

He looked in the cracked mirror in his restroom and sighed, he needed a break from all this; maybe it was feeling of major resentment that led to the shitty lifestyle he lived at that point. He was reaching over for a towel to make a noose when something hit him:

_Maybe there was more to life than he noted; he needed to go on a "soul-searching" trip, for an unlimited amount of time…._

Before he could think of a reason to argue, he had 3 days worth of food in a saddlebag, and he was out the door; he needed to discover something new.

(Elsewhere, deep in the former "red zone" at the GDI remnants "fraternity of tin" citadel …)

"OK! CLEAR A PATH, THE CRANE IS LOWERING IT IN!" a paladin yelled as they cleared the courtyard; there elder would be proud of the lyin' pride's new find; after they were cut off from GDI command, and left on this planet full of ponies, a brave commander stepped forward to make a army that would protect the denizens, and put humanity that was in this dimension on a foot-hold.

Their main mission was to find alien technology that was left behind by one of the many factions that had fought nearly 5 years ago; normally, they maybe found some guns, a tank or 2, but today, they found something near an old NOD base.

it's last records showed it was of "American" design, but was captured and up-gunned with a number of extra weapons systems; it's code name was "liberty prime"…but after a field investigation, it's recording of the last user's brain-waves change it from "liberty prime" to "liberty pie"

The paladin watched in awe as it was lowered into the lab; he hoped the fraternity could use a monster like that.

(inside the lab…)

Scribe lolschild frowned at the hulk of a robot; it was still "intact" and henceforth "salvageable" , but it wouldn't be easy; it was hit and knocked out by a "temple of NOD" nuke, and only parts of the legs, the arms, and head were still in one piece, the chest was torn open and most of the weapons were sheared off.

A scribe ran up to him and handed him the diagnostics they ran on the unit; it still had its lasers, a small array of nukes, its flamethrower, and an arm-mounted 20-MM cannon.

Lolschild was head elder, and leading scribe; he had a policy that was hung on a banner, to more-or-less motivate, and it read:

_CAN WE FIX IT?_

_NO- IT'S FUCKED._

He chuckled as he went to the head computer and started to put in orders for the reclaimer hub to send juggernaut and MARV parts to them.

It was time to get to work.

Authors note: if you don't get my satire of the brotherhood of steel, I pity you.

Well, as you can guess, shit ain't lookin' too good for the guys, and what is the fraternity doing with liberty pie? (Remember in my second story, how for 5 minutes pinkie pie was controlling that robot, and had her brain copied into it? That means a huge pinkie pie, in my opinion.)

Well, now comes the crucial part:

What did YOU think of this? Has my crazed typing gotten better in layout? As I have been begging for the past few months,

PLEASE, read and review!

Well, you guys are gonna see a LOT more of me, and this story.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: NIXON IS BACK! Nope, just chuck testa.

Well, if you read the first chapter, I never fully, or even began to explain who the bad guys were, this chapter should fill you in. look, I'm trying not the cram EVERYTHING in 1 chapter, I need space people!

Chapter 2: the elements of douchebaggery

( in another dimension…)

The overlord ducked behind a table as another sniper bullet whizzed by; this "captain price" was going to town on them, it was now the 3rd year he was on the hunt, trying to kill him. He had sent for the elements of douchebaggery, but he knew they were undedicated, and could give less of a fuck about anything, so they wouldn't show up just yet.

He was basically playing cat-and-mouse; only the cat was a raging psychopath with a rifle, and the mouse had an army that was procrastinating like a bitch.

He gasped in relief as the great hall's doors opened, and the 6 douche's walked in. the overlord figured it scared the captain, as it roared in rage:

"_DON'T BLOW OUR COVER, ROACH! IT ONLY ATTRACTS MUPPETS!"_

And with a huge explosion, the captain tore down a nearby wall and escaped.

The overlord peeked over the table and sunk to the floor in relief; he had just survived a 3-4 year running game. He re-collected his composure and turned to the elements, there was:

Cloudjumper (element of liberal corruptness)

Applecrack (element of Rasta)

Necessity (element of whoredom)

Colored cake (element of violence)

Flutterbitch (element of asshole)

And there leader, sunset spackle (element of magic, and plumbing.)

He sat back down in his chair and said "ok, now that that monster "price" is gone, let's talk turkey: I need you guys to take the names of your "good" counterparts and replace them, then slowly corrupt there society until they collapse. Got it?"

Sunset raised her hoof and said "why are we doing this? Can't we just invade?"

The overlord chuckled and said "well, I think they would be on us before we could take 2 steps forward, and if they discover the last portal between dimensions, they could invade and do some quantum-theory bullshit! That leads to rule 34, and we sure as hell don't want that to happen again."

The 6 shuddered at the thought of it, as there were people who enjoyed that.

The overlord pulled out a long scroll titled: _how to invade without people noticing- 53rd revision_. He inhaled as he started his orders:

_Our timetable puts us at a 3 month timeframe; the only way we could undermine their leadership is by replacing it's "higher ups" and slowly corrupting it from the inside._

He rolled the scroll up and said "the first to go is the "elements of harmony"…if we get rid of those pricks, we could start influencing the very way the princess acts; as for the princess, after we quietly undermine her, we replace her for the time being with our very own "princess incestia"

The overlord paused for a moment….he knew that everyone in this place HATED her because she was incredibly nice, and ugly as FUCK….nothing that went well here….that's why they listened to nightmare moon more; she was assertive. He watched as the 6 started there gossip of the "princess" as she walked in.

She was a sight that could make you blind; she had buckteeth, her mane sputtered like a dying light bulb, and was sway-backed and bowlegged. The overlord took that as a silent warning of: "8 generations of inbreeding at its "finest"

She looked over the small group watching and said in the godliest voice ever heard "you really want to invade? Or do you just wanna give me the boot because I am not am asshole like you guys?"

everyone in the room just stared at her.

She lowered her head and said "fine…where do you want me to go?"

"I have just briefed everyone, they go in first, then you go in and take princess celestia's place….NOW GO MY MINIONS!"

As he finished his orders, a portal opened up on the far side of the room, and the elements of douchebaggery sprinted into the portal, eager for trouble. Incestia just glared at the overlord as she slowly trotted into the portal.

The overlord shook his head and smiled as he closed the portal; he didn't know how this would end, but if things went as they were supposed to, Equestria would be theirs in 3 months. He then went to his computer and started looking at 4chan threads.

(meanwhile, in Equestria….)

Mendez slowly trotted through the forest; this was the first time in years he had been alone, or even at this forest! He had known about it before, however; the UNSC had a zone not too far away as a location to dump destroyed or disabled combat vehicles during TROLLING THUNDER.

He also had some knowledge that this was also near the unexplored section of the GDI "red" zone during the second battle of Equestria….so he figured that inner peace with himself could be found by bringing back the most violent memories he had, from a time not too long ago.

He looked down at his holster, and pulled out his sidearm, then dropped it on the ground and took a good look at it; it was his M6K pistol. He found out he could use it, even as a pony, but he mostly kept it around for "old time's sake" and the fact that it was presented to him by Marcus.

He looked up for a moment, and sighed. _Marcus. What I would fuckin' GIVE to get some of his advice; I guess it presumably died with him, but my momma always told me: presume makes an ass out of you and me…..or maybe it was assume she was talking about…fuck it._

He got off the ground and kept walking; his map told him the unit graveyard was just 2 clicks away; He holstered his pistol and clambered down a small slope, taking a deep breath of the moist forest air. As he started moving again, he seemed much more invigorated; he knew he would find something out here that could re-start his life, and maybe make it stable (pun unintended) again.

Mendez slid down another slope, picking up his pace as the graveyard neared.

(not too far away from where Mendez was….)

Incestia wasn't surprised what happened as soon as the portal transported her; she was used to getting slammed face-first into the dirt. she grunted and stood up, then tried to get her bearings. _I know the overlord doesn't like me, most people in the hub don't like me….maybe it's the fact my family is retarded, and "keeps it in the family"… maybe it is because I have morals, and a heart…._

Apparently, the overlord ditched her, and just her, in the middle of fuckin' nowhere; she spread her wings, and took to the skies to scout out her location…truthfully, she wasn't concerned with anypony seeing her; one thing she did get that ponies envied was the magic of 6 alicorns…so doing optical camouflage while flying was a walk in the park to her.

As she climbed about 300 feet off the ground, she gasped; this was a forest…a UNTOUCHED forest….in the hub, there were 2 forest's around, one stored radioactive waste, the other stored used condoms from red light districts…..the latter was very unsafe.

Straight off the bat, she liked this place; it was far away from the overlord, it was untouched by assholes….and maybe a fresh start and a friend were around. She looped around for another look, but something caught her eye: a large stallion with a small saddlebag looped over his shoulder running to a field covered in metal objects just outside the forest. She slowly followed, merely observing what he was doing.

Authors note: this chapter is rather important; everything in the next few chapter revolve around it.

On another note, one of my good buddies skycrusher is trying his hand at writing, as well as trying to fill in plot holes that happened between FFE1 and 2, and he writes like a badass: s/7511903/1/

Then, if you want the best (serious, not humor) halo-mlp story to date, we got codenameone's: s/7570189/1/

Do me a big favor, besides reviewing this chapter, by reading and reviewing these stories; it keeps my devils at bay.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note: well, just to set it straight: this chapter explains the kidnappings of the mane 6, and while some of the foalnapping's are detailed, others are not AS detailed; also, a semi-spoiler/head's up, I can't make applecrack have a perfect Jamaican-speak, if I did, you wouldn't be able to read it…if you don't believe me, Google it.

Well, here goes nothin'….

Chapter 3: they use glue, don't they?

(Elsewhere, just outside or near ponyville…I don't gotta be specific…suspense 'n' shit like that…)

Necessity removed her rag around her arm; as much as she didn't like the spot where the heroin needles went in to be exposed, it was needed to fulfill her role as this bitch "rarity"….she just wondered if this meant she could suck dicks for a increased price.

(inside the place rarity owns…..I forget names, sorry I don't wanna use 5 seconds to look it up.)

Rarity happily hummed a tune as she finished up her latest batch of clothes, the "dead money" collection….it was inspired by a 308. Automatic rifle discovered in a damaged gun cabinet in the remains of Marcus's bar.

She didn't turn around as the front door opened; she merely said "ah hello, and welcome to my bot—" as she turned around, she was greeted by the sight of a unicorn mare, that looked strangely like her, but _was covered with patches of dirt._

Rarity felt her throat close up as an unacceptable amount of filth got within her "bubble". The last thing she remembered before she passed out was:

_the nerve of it, not even wearing something to mask the smell!_

Necessity didn't even pull her pepper spray out before "rarity" fell to the floor, out like a light. She chuckled, a pretty-pony like this would be dead in a creek in "the hub" in 27 seconds flat; she tied the body up, and sent the message to teleport "rarity" to the overlord's dungeon, and smirked as a green flash teleported the unicorn away.

She now had time to observe what that unicorn did for a living; this place was too nice to be a strip club…she stopped for a moment, practically stunned from the prospect of this place: _wait, there are jobs OTHER than whoring?_

She pulled up a chair, and figured she should try her hand at something, so she could fulfill the disguise of "rarity"

(meanwhile, at sweet apple acres….)

Applejack had just finished collecting apples for the day, and was heading to the barn for a bath; as she walked through the door, she gasped in shock as another pony was sleeping IN the tub! She trotted up to the trespasser and said "what' in tarnation are you tryin' to pull off? "

The pony lifted her Rasta hat, and applejack gasped, she looked just like her, but the only difference was the hat, and dreadlocks. Before she could ask the stranger who she was, the stranger jumped to her hooves and said "eh me breda, what ting you tryin' to pool? A breda can sleep where edda' she want!"

Applejack's jaw dropped; she barely understood what was being said, but she regained her posture and said "who are you, and why are you here?"

The stranger said "well, me self's applecrack mon, and' de overmon send me to find somebreda named applejack an' bag her she a rudeboy, you know mon?" applejack shifted slightly; from what she could understand, somepony sent her to foalnap her.

Applecrack could barely see straight; she, after all, only smoked 10 pounds of pot not too long ago; she took a long look at this pony, and tried to recollect what applejack looked like.

_Sa'….she lok' like te' badman overmon' wanted….play it coo', me breda applecrack, play it coo'_

Applecrack stretched her legs and said "well mon, it was nice in' ting to get some sleep in all, but I mus' be on my wa', me breda…help me to te' door in all…" applejack reluctantly moved up next to applecrack and thought _she sure has been smoking that stuff batman used all the—_WHACK!

Applejack looked stunned for a moment as a metal bar hit her in the back of her head; she sunk to the floor, and as the darkness closed in, she heard applecrack say

"AH SHIT! I DISN'T KNOW TAT WADN'T WOOD! SORRY ME BREDA, SWEET DREAMIN'!"

Applejack didn't know if that was sincere or a lie, and she shut her eyes as the darkness closed.

Applecrack watched as the knocked-out earth pony got teleported away, and promptly left the building; from what the overlord told her, she had to fool applejack's sister, brother, and grandma into believing she was applejack; that was an issue, indeed, but applecrack had something else in mind:

Growing pot.

She started walking to the orchard with a grin on her face as she pulled out a flamethrower, a shovel, and some sprigs of pot plants.

(at the library…..)

Twilight was reading the book _"the shadow of a sham: the threat of the sham-wow warhead against earth"_ intently, when she heard a knocking against the door, and a mare who sounded strangely like her saying "is anyone home?"

Twilight huffed as she put the book down; she was getting to the good part, about when some evil guy named Zane valkynaz's cryo bombs got overshadowed by Blackburn industries "sham-wow warhead" designed to drain the world's water supply.

As she opened the door, a unicorn who looked like her wearing a plumber's garb walked in and said "I heard you got a pipe that needs fixin'…..he-he." Twilight looked at her and said "no….I don't even have plumbing…and on that note, that stuff is only in canterlot….who are you, stranger?"

The mare stood up straight and said "my name is sunset spackle, prize student of nightmare moon, and owner of "evening and all plumbing"

Twilight's jaw dropped; everything she just said sounded like a satire of HER. Before she could say anything in return, sunset tackled twilight and shoved her into a bag and said "oh, and the overlord told me to capture you, u mad bro?"

Twilight felt a strange sensation of teleportation and was pulled into another dimension.

Sunset threw her bag of tools on the table, knocking all the neatly stacked books off of it. As she started changing her appearance to look like twilight sparkle, a sleep voice behind her said "twi, why did you just dump all those books on the floor? And why are you dressed as a plumber, nightmare night isn't until next year-AGGG!"

Before the small dragon could finish his sentence, she hit him in the head with a wrench, and bagged him up and teleported him to the overlord, along with a message for an assistant to take that dragon's place.

If almost as an instant reply, a portal opened in the center of the room, and a purple dragon with small yellow wings was deposited in the floor. It stood up, looked at sunset and said "HI! I'm' spyro the dragon, the overlord saved me from Sony before they could rape my series into the ground, now a stunt-double of me is getting bent over for them instead, just look at spyro skylanders!

Sunset liked how the dragon was most likely tortured by game designers, before he was freed; it most likely meant he was insane at this point; she would try to "help" him…she did have 65 bottles of buffout.

(elsewhere….at sugarcube corner…)

Pinkie was leaning against the door, trying to keep this freak out…she looked JUST LIKE HER and was violent as hell, she called herself "colored cake" and was a fascist liberal pinko (pun unintended)

Pinkie was thrown to the ground as the door was blown in, and glanced up to see colored cake standing in the doorframe, a trophy belt tied to her waist, and a PTAS-12 auto-shotgun in her hooves.

Cake got just inches from her face and said "you would make a great stew…but the overlord tells me he wants' your fatass…for now." And then brought the stock of her shotgun down on her face; hard enough to knock her out, but, sadly not enough to kill her…

As her body was teleported away, cake went up to the counter, and started making mince-meat pies, and disguising them as fruit cakes.

(near the edge of everfree forest….)

"oh, hello angel bunny, how are you today?" Fluttershy said as the small rabbit flicked her off. " you must be hungry!" she cooed; the bunny facepalmed as Fluttershy placed ANOTHER carrot in front of him, making that number 257 for today….

As Fluttershy walked to the house, she felt something hit her in the back of the head; she turned, expecting a angry angel bunny, but instead saw a grayish-yellow Pegasus was standing there, glaring at her.

Fluttershy in almost a whisper said "oh….uhh, hello my names—"

"SHUT UP BITCH!"

Fluttershy stammered; this pony was hyper-aggressive, so she started trying to get into her house; as she reached for the knob, she was tackled to the ground as the other pony started punching her; it didn't hurt as much as she would have thought, but the concept of somepony hating her hurt MUCH worse. She didn't want to anger this pony even more, so she curled up in a ball as the pony bagged her, and knocked her out.

Flutterbitch snorted a laugh as the bag was teleported away; she didn't expect much of a fight from some weak little bitch, but that was just pathetic. She had watched her try to make that rabbit eat; normally, she would want to watch it starve, but to act like Fluttershy, she guessed she should feed animals.

She walked over the rabbit, pinned it to the ground, and started shoving carrots down it's throat.

(meanwhile, 25,000 feet up, near cloudsdale A.R.R…)

Dash was flying out of cloudsdale; he mission to show of maneuvers to equestrian air command had ended, and she was heading for home, frankly, she was rather happy to be heading back because she hadn't seen Mendez in months, and hoped he wouldn't get offended or something.

She also wanted to get back and show of this new T-57E aeroframe that the E.A.F commander gave her; he wanted her to test it out, and see if it could survive long-term use without repairs, and also see if it could survive the high G's of a sonic rainboom-type maneuver ….. all dash really cared about was the 5-MM automatic it had for dogfighting, and knew it would get Mendez "perky"…war did that to him.

She was still lost in thought when her air radar started flashing, showing a single blue dot heading for her; it wasn't griffon, it was much too fast….it was doing almost 700 TPH. Dash peeled out of her flight pattern to go investigate; she tried to get on her radio, and get cloudsdale AFB for radar cover, but the radio only replied white noise.

She was stunned; it was only 2 miles to cloudsdale _surely I am not that far out…._ She was about to try another radio broadcast when something tackled her in the side at high speeds, and she put her head on a swivel, trying to spot out the threat. She caught a glimpse of something small pass by the sun; it was trying to get in her blindspot.

she yelled on the radio "THIS IS ELEMENT OF LOYALTY, RAINBOW DASH; you have shown aggression to a unit of the greater equestrian military, I order you to identify yourself, or leave the area; if you don't respond, I have no choice but to use LETHAL force!"

A voice on the radio crackled "this is LT. Cloudjumper of the 1st HUB air unit, butcher battalion; you will come with me if you want to live, I am now on your left side, make up your mind." Dash looked to her left and saw a Pegasus that looked strangely like her, only with an inverted color scheme; she had a black set of flight gear, and a polarized helmet with a decapitated stallion and "EQUAL RIGHTS" written on the side.

Dash' replied "ok, I surrender, move in now!" and Cloudjumper soon was almost behind her; as she neared her, dash smashed her helmet's visor with her back hoof, and heard "FUCK! IMMA KILL YOU!" and a small spray of blood cover her as jumper' took chase.

Dash was speeding as fast as she could to ponyville; maybe someone could help her; this pony was just as fast as her, and twice as dangerous; she turned her weapons systems on as the air radar beeped as small caliber bullets whizzed past her body, it wasn't a time to run, but a time to fight.

She tightened her muscles as she did a 90-degree vertical, and swooped down on jumper, her T-57's cannon blazing; she had no missiles in the racks, but could shake jumper up by locking on anyway, and she smirked as jumper frantically weaved to avoid the lock she was completing, but as dash opened her eyes, jumper slowed down and tackled dash out of the sky, ripping her cannon out of the suit.

Dash was stunned as several blows hit her in the face; and didn't have time to react as jumper pulled out a syringe and jabbed her in the neck….the world went derpy as the DRUGZ took effect, and she passed out.

Jumper slowly put her into a bag, and watched it teleport away; dash put up quite a fight, and she needed rest….she could find dash's house eventually, but until then, she needed to undermine the male superiority in this universe.

She sped off to ponyville, eager to let "the games begin"

Author's note: well, the thing about dash's "power armor" is kinda iterating how using earth technology, they mad use of old UNSC gear, and the radio now; as for applecrack..if there are ANY jamiacans reading, I hope I didn't offend you, and if anyone can't picture how applecrack talks, look up "little Jacob" from GTA4.

Stay frosty, and review.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors note: holy crapwaffles, I totally forgot (almost) to post this chapter; to be fair, I was abusing private matches in MW3 (FAD+extended mags+heartbeat sensor+gold camo= everyone's least favorite thing to be killed by…it's a fuckin' LMG!)(trollishly amazing)

Well, from what I can tell from my fans (yes, people ACTALLY read my writing) they are very enthusiastic about what I'm doing…frankly, I'm touched….I never was a good writer, and becoming a brony and reading "mamoo's" "out of the jungle" sealed my fate to trying to write; I thank all my readers, and (hint fuckin' hint) reviewers (COFF*REVIEW*COFF) you guys keep me runnin' an gunnin'

as it was one of my fans and first readers ROBBYTHEROUGE who suggested the mendezxdash thing…..frankly, THAT was a extremely important thing…..then we got palpatine…uh, fuck….i can't remember the numbers in his name. (sorry bro)…but, he was another reason I kept writing; he continued the genre of HALO-MLP stories, something the word needs more of…(read his story my little halo, friendship is tactical if you know what's good for you) then we have the man, and Denmark…(denmarkanese?) a denmarkish tom Clancy…he suggested I change my writing style; if you couldn't tell, it's the style this story (and my future plans beyond and related to FFE) feature. Then there's turdy1…he's just a fuckin' pimp, who gives good ideas…and understands to pain of high school; I feel like a douche because my mind went blank when I said this…it's only 11:oo pm with a sugar crash, and school tomorrow; I will gouge my eyes out later.

Well, I don't want to make the author's note longer than the story, and I need my shut-eye, so here it is:

Chapter 4: accepting incest-ia in your life.

Mendez trotted into the UNSC graveyard, and looked around; it seemed almost like someone lived there, the gravesites of ODST'S not shipped back were we taken care of, and even trails were in place! He noticed what looked like a trailer near the edge of the site, and slowly headed for it, to see if anything was there.

(Inside of the trailer)

Marcus was cleaning his M6 when he heard a clatter outside in the yard, and picked up his shotgun; he listened closely as hoof-steps approached, and as the pony entered, he yelled "HOOVES UP MOTHER-FUC-….Mendez? W…T….H, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? IT'S 343 MILES FROM PONYVILLE!"

Mendez's jaw hit the ground: in front of him was his old CO and friend, abet non-shaved, pointing a gun at him; it was mind-blowing.

Marcus stopped for a moment and said "how do I know you ARE Mendez, not one of the princess's SPIES!"

"_I know you have a total boner for vinyl scratch."_

"…..dammit, you are Mendez."

Mendez smiled and said "great to see you, boss; but, what happened, I mean, I thought you were dead since-" Marcus interrupted "since I blew up the bar? Made it look like a perished? That was so the princess would stop trolling me; I wanted to stay on Equestria for "peace and quiet", not "get graped by the princess"!

Mendez said "don't you mean "raped" by the princess?"

"she was a freak, don't ask…..I was violated, and will never see fruit or door locks the same EVER again."

"Oh"

Marcus poured Mendez a tall glass of sour mash whiskey with a shot of manticore blood (aged for 1 year) and sat down, eager to hear what had taken place since he vanished; he was less than enthused to hear that things sorta fell apart for everyone, and that Mendez hadn't seen dash in a while, and by extension, almost committed suicide….it sounded strangely like a bad fanfic wrote by a high-schooler.

Marcus couldn't believe it though; things weren't BAD when he left, vinyl scratch had made a radio station, twilight became a modestly popular writer about humans, applejack got a good harvest, and replaced her granny's hip…again. But, then HE leaves, and shit goes sour!

Mendez shook his head and said "I probably will move out of ponyville, and maybe get a job under ridinoff's command…but, that would suck too; he became a desk jockey not too long ago due to an "incent" with troop morale and reasonability, but because he still was a hero to canterlot officials, he was given a unmentioned promotion and given job as quartermaster, I heard."

Marcus got up and said "FUCK IT! Living out here SUCKS. Princess or not, I am going back to ponyville, rebuilding my bar, and my life! C'mon Mendez, we are leaving!" he turned to see Mendez eyeing a dusty bottle of alcohol on the shelf and said "you got Santana DVX? THAT'S MY CHOICE!"

Marcus sighed; they weren't leaving for quite a while now.

(outside of Marcus's bunker/hut…)

Incestia had followed this "Mendez" to this place, and watched in awe as they sat and had smiles and laughter as they caught up on old times; she never first-hand saw a smile of pure goodness in "the hub"…only evil I-killed-your-wife smiles.

She decided it was time to see if they were as friendly as first looks suggested, as she opened the door and walked inside.

(back to Marcus…)

He had to admit; he didn't drink TOO much DVX, but the stuff could fuck you up any way you look at it…so maybe he drank too much, seeing that an ugly-ass alicorn had suddenly materialized in the center of the room. He tapped Mendez on the shoulder and said "you seeing what I'm' seeing, or am I drunk?"

Mendez put the bottle down, winced at the sight of the alicorn, took a HUGE chug and said "I'm seeing it, and all it tells me is I ain't drunk nuff' "

Incestia's face went red for a second as she softly said "you boys are not drunk; I am real…yes, I know I am not the looker, but at least give royalty SOME respect!"

Marcus and Mendez looked at each other, then said "well….maybe we will when you answer: 1) who are you 2) why are you here 3) how the FUCK did you get in here without alerting us? Then maybe we will."

Incestia nodded and said "very well….my name is princess incestia, supposed ruler of "the Hub" and most powerful alicorn ever documented…I saw the stallion walking here, I followed him using invisibility, then I stepped in after I saw you guys laughing and such; I never see people or ponies laughing in the Hub."

Marcus nodded and said "well, where is the hub, and why is royalty from somewhere else in Equestria?"

She stopped for a moment, thinking, then said "it isn't in this dimension, it is in the 2nd dimension, more-or-less an evil version of this place…one of my forced intern advisors teleported me and some others to this place; I don't know where the others are, though…. Or why I was even sent here…I wasn't listening to him."

Marcus stood up and said "well, maybe we can FINALLY go to ponyvi-"

Before he could open his mouth, incestia looked at the bottle Mendez was holding and said "SANTANA DVX? THAT'S MY CHOICE!"

Marcus started crying as Mendez and incestia started singing the song by _the lonely island_ of the same name.

(several hours and bottles later…)

Marcus and company had managed to stop drinking, and pack up a few supplies as they began the trek back to ponyville; Marcus found that incestia was rather cool, and didn't try to rape him all the time, which was a bonus given his track-record with other alicorns

Marcus knew that some of the factions that were teleported in during the 2nd equestrian conflict were still around, and this area was no more than 5 miles from the hot spots of the action; his assumptions were very much true as a red bolt of energy flew past his head.

Marcus hit the deck as more bolts started whizzing past them; he looked over some cover and saw at least 10 soldiers in blackish-red armor shooting lasers at them. He pulled a frag out of his pocket, and tossed it out in the open; he was showered by "FUCK! TO THE GROUND!" and a large explosion, pouring up lots of dirt, but no kills.

He pulled his MA5 out and stood up, gun blazing; he saw the enemies kicked around by the bullets, but none of them went down, except maybe a lucky bullet that went into the lead one's neck. Marcus winced in pain as a red laser hit him in the arm, and he got down behind cover; he looked at the wound and saw charred bone and flesh where his skin used to be.

He looked over at Mendez, who was trying to un-jam his pistol, but incestia was no-where to be seen; Marcus lowered his head in disappointment, she had ditched them, and left them to die.

As the enemy troops climbed over the log to finish them off, Marcus heard incestia say "gottcha", and in a blink of an eye, the armored troopers started grabbing their heads in pain, until they exploded in clouds of red mist.

Incestia lowered her invisibility cloak and said "I don't think they like the fact I started playing your "CCR" songs at full blast in there headset-COMS"

Marcus reached down and felt the spot where his iPod 3000 was supposed to be and said "well, tell me about this next time; I hope you didn't waste the battery."

Mendez nodded and said "well, should we go before more of those guys come along?" Marcus nodded as they continued their trek to ponyville, and put quick heal bio-foam on his wound.

(50 feet away, hidden in the treeline…)

Knight temoc had been tracking the éclair combat squad for several days now; he was shocked that 3 outsiders had managed to take down the entire team….the fraternity would want to know this, because they were waging their own little private war against the éclairs, trying to find technology to re-build and start humanity in this new dimension.

He climbed down the slope so he could check the bodies of the attack squad, then head for home.

Author's note: the frat. Of tin has basically all remaining tech. of value in Equestria, including teleporter…remember that, all this insanity has a rhyme, and reason…. Well, you see that button that says "review this chapter"? if you press is, the ammo press will give you 2000 10-mm rounds for that "Sidney's 10-mm "ultra" SMG" we KNOW you are spamming…

Anything you want to ask? That is what review and maybe PM is for.

-M.B


	5. Chapter 5

Authors note:

I can't think of anything to say right now; just read.

Chapter 5: we'll come to this bridge of chapter naming when it happens.

Lolschild was slaving away at his terminal, trying to access liberty pie's core A.I, and see if it could still reason, and operate; as he was about to rage, he slammed his head into the keyboard…as he lifted his head, he discovered he put in the right password, and now had access to all the internal files the robot had.

He pressed the first option "START RUNPROGRAM?" and watched as the codes for its A.I went through:

5YIG;'KFHBLBGKXCLJDGE04-welcome group 935, activating: liberty pie, core essence.

_Liberty pie is online, weapons hot….mission 404 FILE NOT FOUND rerouting logic functions…._

…_what?...where, WHO am i? ….404 file not found-EXE location _

_I am confused…files…missing….._

Lolschild was stunned; this was a self-aware A.I, of which a E.V.A couldn't compare, and was similar to the scrin "mothership" constructs. He started typing in the computer; it was time to talk to this "confused" A.I.

(meanwhile…..)

Ridinoff was nearing the very limits of his patience, he had somehow kept it going for a few years, but now he was about to lose it…..the princess reported that the elements of harmony were being assholes to her, and who do they send to deal with her problems? HIM!

He was heading out of his door to his transport when a shadow caught his eye; he turned just in time to see the butt of a black pistol being brought down on his head. His dormant military training kicked in as he disarmed his foe, and punched him in his face, ridinoff then pulled his CZ out and without hesitation, put 2 bullets into the skull of his attacker.

He put his pistol down, and wiped the bits of brain off of his hat as he took the helmet of his attacker off; the way this pony was dressed, it was vaguely like "shadow company's" stalker units…the thought of remnants of shadow company coming back to get revenge didn't seem unlikely, but something on this pony's helmet caught his eye:

_The bloodstained mark of nightmare moon._

He pulled the dog tags off of the body, and read out:, the other dog tag had a free-with-order mass effect 3 tag…..this guy was some legit spec-ops shit, or a call of duty faggot playing battlefield 3 (and ruining the game for other people, on that note….)

Ridinoff dropped the tag in his pocket, and trotted to the armory, picking up a MPG and PKP-LMG….he figured if one attempt on his life happened today, there may be more he hoped, he hadn't gotten a blood flow like this since he tortured a diamond dog with a bayonet attached to a lightning rod back in 44'.

As he stepped into the carriagepool, he figured he would ask nightmare moon if she knew of any assassins of this name, or if she had a problem with him; either on would end in sex or bloodshed, both the same thing depending on how much blood flow was happening.

He sped off, eager to find out some answers, and fighting.

(near the edge of the everfree, not far from Fluttershy's house….)

Marcus was in high spirits; incestia was actually a BADASS….she knew some internet memes…she trolled 4chan…had a Geoff Ramsey poster in her room…..played _call of duty, the big red one_….didn't try to rape him…..the list went on.

He was actually happy that he could see all his old friends too, he wondered how Fluttershy was doin, as she was always so loving and caring…a trait that made a good cook, one who didn't try to poison you, something a women always tried to do to him. On his tac-boy 3000, a blip on the radar pointed out a source of power not but 200 yards to his left, and was just on the way to Fluttershy's house…Marcus figured he should kill 2 birds with one FUCK (Blackburn tourrets moment)

Incestia was very pleased; Marcus and Mendez were the first real friends she ever had, and truly was happy to think of meeting THE princess celestia…she was a infamous legend in the hub only because she was a "good" guy, like her…..Marcus seemed to cringe and rub his butt in pain every time the princess was mentioned, something that concerned her; not many people do that.

She saw Marcus point to an area just out of sight and said "hey…there is something on radar, and this could be a short-cut to Fluttershy's house…incestia, you will LOVE Fluttershy, she is so nice, and kind and…vegan…ok, the last part was nasty…..stupid jenny-Craig vegan bastards….

Incestia stopped for a moment and said "wait…she doesn't eat meat?"

"nope"

Incestia slowly shook her head in disappointment and said "she doesn't know what she is missing, Brahmin meat tastes so good…."

Marcus was grinning from ear to ear as he said "holy-sweet-Jesus-cinnamon I love you!"

Incestia knew she had made a permant friend; she would make sure to keep it that way.

Marcus knocked a bush down as he looked into the clearing; he was surprised when he saw 4 gray GDI zone troopers standing in a circle around a large steel door in the side of a rock outcropping, a large "21" emblazoned on it. He raised his voice and said "HEY! What you guys doing?"

The troopers whirled around, guns up; after a few seconds, one with red marking on his armor said "oh, it's that UNSC guy, and..OH GOD! What the fuck is that…and that one human turned pony…."

Marcus looked at the order of who he must have seen and said "I remember GDI being a gold color; what's with a gray getup?"

The leader said "well, after the tiberiuem threat was ended, and we were cut off with the version of earth we knew, we banded with the "U.S army MACV-SOG and marines" and formed "the fraternity of tin"…we are dedicated to finding human or alien tech, and restarting humanity with the 40 nurses we have left…as for equipment, we use GDI railguns, gauss rifles, M-16A12's as well as U.S M-14A's, M-16A1's or anything else they had…

Marcus raised his brow and said "why so many guns and arms? Is anything bad still left, because on our way back to ponyville, some guys in black and blood red armor attacked us, who are they?" the leader glanced up and said "oh, those guys who attacked your are the "éclairs" , our mortal enemies made up of NOD and NVA troops….basically the guys our base factions were fighting….it was started by some traveling NOD cooks and tech support guys.

"you gotta be kidding"

"nope…we have been fighting them for 3 years now, keeping them pinned in the former red zone, but they somehow have been getting to populated areas, killing everypony they find, so elder lolschild thinks we should try to help and protect the populace from harm, as well as do our nerd-gasiming about technology…like, right now we are trying to get into this bunker we found, our uplinks only identify it as something code-named "stable"….so, what are you guys doing, and who's the ugly bi-I mean, alicorn?"

Marcus chuckled and said "well, I am leaving my self-imposed exile, making new friends, and killin' Nazis…sound good?"

The troopers chuckled and said "whatever you say….oh, should I tell lolschild about you? He was 2nd in command during the crisis a few years ago..he may want to know one of the good guys are still around." Marcus nodded and said "sure thing, just don't get to much attention drawn to me, y'no?" the troopers nodded, and Marcus started toward Fluttershy's house again.

After they got out of earshot, Mendez turned to Marcus and said "what the fuck is a "stable" and how did it get there? It's close nuff' to Fluttershy's house, that I'm pretty sure she would have found it!" Marcus bit his lip as he tried to come up with a good explanation; he looked back at Mendez and said "well, I don't know either; maybe Fluttershy can shed some light on it or somethin' "

Marcus emerged from the treeline, and caught sight of Fluttershy's house. He saw Mendez go into a dead run to the house; he figured that he most likely had a spot in his heart or pants for her, as he did for every other mare. Incestia must have sensed it to, as she was chuckling to an unheard joke, it seemed.

(inside of Fluttershy's house…)

"who the hell are those maggots!...wait, her info says…OH SHIT!...calm down, gotta fool those bitches…" flutterbitch put away the chicken leg she was feasting on as she tried to get her "Fluttershy" poker face on to fool whoever they were. She glanced into the file dossier about Fluttershy's friends and got a "match": Marcus waters, Mendez…..there was someone else out there; she just hadn't gotten a good look at that one. She moved to the window and gasped:

It was princess incestia.

She HAD to act calm, otherwise she may expose her, and that would cause some problems. Her heart nearly stopped as she heard a knock on the door.

(outside her house, at the door…)

Marcus smiled as he saw Fluttershy open the door; maybe it was time, or his eyesight, but she looked…ruffled, and was adorned with small cuts, and appeared to be trying wipe something off of her mouth.

Maybe she was sick.

"Fluttershy" half-smiled and said "OH! Uh, hi, uhh, Marcus….your back, I uhhh, haven't seen you in a few days!" Marcus stopped smiling for a second and said "is there something wrong? I was gone for 3 years…I this is the first time I've seen you in a while, and why are you covered in cuts? Have you been "helping" bears again?"

Fluttershy gulped as she said "oh, well, IT's great to see you again, would you like some chicke-I mean, cookies? Pinkie pie gave me some….this morning, yeah, this morning…well, I would love to talk more, but the chicken is getting cold—I mean, A cold…ummm….K BYE!"

Marcus then saw the door slam in his face.

Mendez looked at Marcus and incestia and said "well, that was…new and awkward….maybe she is just stunned to see you again, after all, you left town by faking your own death!"

Marcus shrugged in confusion as he started to make his way to ponyville; maybe he and his friends would get a warm reception there…

(inside Fluttershy's house…)

"THAT BACKSTABBING DICKBISCUIT INCESTIA! She is working with the enemy…imma go tell the overlord bout this…after I find that annoying rabbit that's around here, and eat that little bitch." Flutterbitch grumbled to herself as she began feasting on the chicken again.

Authors note: OH! THAT'S RIGHT! Skycrusher, the vault you were asking about that had something to do with your story is vault "21"

Everyone else, review.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors note: yes, I begin to think I enjoy writing with more detail; I also figured 2 stories after I made him, ridinoff should have a slightly more active role. I also break my fanon contingency. Red letter day indeed.

Chapter 6: that guy was a dick!

Ridinoff was heading down the path to moon's castle on hoof; he has his PKP pinchanig out, and set it up on a wall as he scanned the complex. He pulled out his binoculars and saw a huge, smoking hole in the south wall, and he saw the flashes of gunfire in the windows; he jumped over a small wall and broke into a dead run for the hole.

As he rounded the hole, he caught a glance of one of those black-clad "prony's" as he called them; he slowly snuck up behind him, pulled out his trench knuckle, and without hesitation, "liberated" him of his spine. And head. And most of his organs. You get the gist of it.

He wiped the guts off of his blade, and kept moving deeper into the castle.

He leaned around a corner and saw a team of prony's stacking up to breach the main chamber of the castle; on the ground were the shredded bodies of nightmare's guards, uttered destroyed by buckshot. He pulled his MPG out, and leaned it into the hallway; one of the prony's saw it and said "dude, is that a RPG? Fuckin' power-weapon whore."

Ridinoff smiled and said "NOPE. Just chuck testa." And fired.

He saw bloody bits-and-pieces fly by his hiding spot, and as he walked up to the hole in the wall where they once stood, he saw that to door they were about to breach was still standing; the wall surrounding it, was not however.

He shrugged and opened the door; just because of the hole in the wall didn't mean you lose your manners.

He walked not but 2 feet into the room, and saw piles of sandbags and ordinace in the center of the room; he walked up and started looking when a voice said:

"_HANDS MOTHAFUCKA!"_

He turned to see nightmare moon with a rocket launcher sitting on a "crow's nest" at the top of the room; he yelled "IT'S JUST ME! DON'T SHOOT!"

He dropped his guns as moon jumped down, and landed in front of him; she promptly attempted to make out with him, and ridinoff pushed her back then said "don't pull your feminine charms on me! I came to see why you sent ponies to kill me!"

Moon looked him in the eye and said "lolwut? I didn't send those bastards; if I sent them, why would they kill my guards, and try to kill me?"

Ridinoff pulled his CZ out and said "AND don't use your woman-logic on me either! Now, if you ain't talking, I fiddn' to make ya COOK!" moon hoofpalmed as ridinoff started ranting like a black pony.

What she didn't notice was the glowing orbs forming at the end of the hall, where the elements once took her down; nor did she notice a 2 ponies materialize in the center of the orbs.

"…AN I WILL NOT TAKE NO AS AN AN-SAW NIGGA!...hold the fuck on, who am I? Chris tucker? NO! look, nightmare, what I am trying to ask is, do you know WHO is trying to kill us!"

A mysterious voice answered _"we are."_

(not much earlier, in the overlord's lair…)

The overlord was really pissed; incestia BETRAYS him (not that he liked her anyway) and teams up with the assholes who fucked up his first plan, and stopped satin, who was still healing from the damage she took; then add the GOOD nightmare moon in Equestria, and commander ridinoff, the only military pony who took his job seriously, and they had a problem.

BUT that didn't mean he was hosed; no, quite the opposite, as a matter of fact; the hub was an alternate universe, where each pony and person had a alternate version of the other, and after he learned of this betrayal that flutterbitch reported, he sent for the alternate versions, so they could find and destroy their counter-parts….some were easier to find than others, to say the least.

The door behind him opened, and several pair's of feet hitting the ground greeted him; he turned around and smiled.

They were here.

The human who lead them in handed the overlord a stack of papers with their briefed bio's

Leading off this all-star cast was:

_(dis.) Lt. Cole Aid, he was given the boot from the hub's army after he raped his whole platoon with a wire-cutter, and turned the NCO's into women, WITH the wire cutter_;

even by the overlord's standards, this guy was pretty fucked up; it was hard to believe that he was the counter-part of the "keeper of order" Marcus waters.

Then there was major _hoofsteader, a avid supporter of the overlord's leadership, he has several war crimes on his head; it was then that his performance earned his a trip to OCS training, and is in-charge of interrogation of prisoners; most of his POW's die in strange conditions during the night by committing suicide with a chainsaw, removing most limbs, and ending up in the mess hall; known to have affair with mass-murder "colored cake"_

The overlord decided it was high-time he slept with his doors locked at night; he gingerly started reading the next file…

_Pvt. Mendez "mendy" parts, servered in hub air force for short time; given rehab after incident with flashlight and "justin Hitler" picture; avid homosexual, recommend slipping cyanide pill's into his lunch, ASAFP_

The overlord pulled out a lighter and started burning that file; his mind felt violated…he saw one last file in the stack, and was shaking as he reached for it; was this the file of a drug lord? Was it another crazy? He opened his eyes and started to read:

_Nightmare moon: listed queen of evil, and darkness; has killed 4,079 foals, and ate Billy May's soul; considered true ruler of the hub._

The overlord felt a bitter taste in his head; that was short, but NOT sweet….he had to do this, even though (with the exception of nightmare) deserved to be put in a crazy house; the sooner they left, then maybe he could sleep at ease.

They each almost glared at the overlord; he opened his mouth and said "I shall teleport you to or near an area that your counterpart's were last seen; eliminate them, without hesitation, got it? Good. Now GTFO.

In a flash, before they could complain, the overlord teleported them to Equestria.

Even though he hated Equestria, he couldn't help but say:

_May god have mercy on you…the floodgates fuckin' opened._

(back to nightmare moon's castle, current time…)

"_we are."_

Ridinoff and moon both turned to see who was the source of the voice; at the end of the room, stood to figures; a alicorn who looked like a more sinister version of nightmare moon, and a earth pony clad in a black uniform, a death's head adorning it.

Ridinoff yelled "WHO ARE YOU!"

The alicorn stepped forward and said "oh, my, my….excuse my friends manners; he never lets most live this long, he is rather…anti-social….I am nightmare moon, true queen of evil, not that pathetic excuse on your side of the room."

Moon's face filled with rage as her doppelganger smiled; the other pony stepped forward and said "_ACTUNG, _I am major Hans hoofsteader; captain and fascist political leader in "the hub"..the overlord has authorized us to exterminate you, without question. Any last words _swinehound_? "

Ridinoff tensed up; he had to get moon out of here; they could take her, but not him…he lived for this stuff. He looked at moon, and motioned her to leave; she shook her head and gave him a pained look. As ridinoff was about to pull out his handgun, moon shoved ridinoff out the window as hoofsteader pulled out a MP-42 and opened fire.

Ridinoff yelled "WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU'LL GET KILLED!" as he rolled down the slope; he never felt this dejected, he had just caused the death of his only lover.

(in the castle…)

Moon hit the ground in pain; she may have been a god, but bullets were bullets; she lay gasping for air on the ground, huge holes in her side. Hoofsteader ran out the window, in a hunt to kill ridinoff, and "nightmare moon" walked up to her dying counter-part.

Moon was rapidly bleeding out; she felt her life ebbing away; she looked up at the evil version of her, and saw her mouth moving, most likely in a taunt to send her in bad sprits to the grave….frankly, all she wanted now was to see ridinoff one last time. She saw her doppelganger smile as the world went black.

For the first time in years, the castle was dead silent.

(elsewhere, near moon's castle….)

Ridinoff ditched his pistol; it jammed up with dirt after he landed in a mud bank, now he had one goal, and one goal only: kill hoofsteader, the murderer of moon.

He knew that the coward would hunt for him, using his automatic weapons; but ridinoff knew _he didn't need a weapon to kill you._

He heard hoof-steps in the background, and jumped into a bush, pulling out his trench knuckle as he prepped his ambush.

He watched as the fascist pig ran by his hiding spot; he waited until he sat down, trying to pick up the tracks, _now was the time to strike._

He sprang forth in a glorious ambush, tackling the MP-42 out of hoofsteader's grasp; causing the major to yell "VAT IS THIS PONY DOING THERE!". Ridinoff was straining to hold the major in place so he could stab him; as he swung the blade at his heart he was slugged in the gut, and drove the blade into steader's shoulder, causing his foe to howl in pain.

Ridinoff pulled his knife back up to finish him off, when he heard a loud _crack_, and felt pain run through the lower-half of his body. He swung his blade into the heart of hoofsteader, and saw a small luger fall out of his hoof.

Ridinoff repeatedly stabbed hoofsteader, and slowly crawled off of him; as he walked away, he heard the major say _"you think you can stop us. Meh…you can't, we have….millions…ready to fight and die…for our cause…..you, have none dedicated enough to wipe their own ass….much less fight…burn in hell, dog…..AGGH-"_ he was cut off as ridinoff dug the blade into his neck, and swung so hard, the head was taken clean off.

He wiped the blood off of the blade on the major's black uniform, and put it back in the sheath; pulled some tweezers out, and fished around in his wound, pulling out a small bullet, and put it in his pocket; it would be a reminder, that all who dare threaten mother Equestria, will find a bullet with THERE name on it; this one was his.

At that moment ridinoff decided he _was_ a dead pony, any way he saw it.

He climbed back up the slopes; he was going to pay his last respects to moon, who he had effectively avenged, and as he climbed back through the window he was pushed out of, he saw moon's limp body in the center of the room.

What surprised him about her body was there were no bullet wounds; there were spots that looked like they _healed_ from bullet wounds, but nothing else; one thing that really surprised him was her color pallet had reversed….and then it struck him.

_She wasn't nightmare moon anymore….she was Princess Luna now._

Authors note: after begging, and begging, and more begging, I broke down and added princess luna, for 2 reasons:

My friends were begging

If the is an evil evil nightmare moon, I don't want a good nightmare moon; it would get confusing for you, and hard for me to write.

Well mi bredas, review and I love you long time.


	7. Chapter 7

Authors note: I need you' guys-s opinion, I am thinking of doing a short Christmas special chapter on (surprise fucking surprise) Christmas….is that a good idea? Review or Santa (me in disguise) will go to your house, and level It with C-12

Here's the chapter I added luna in…I hope your happy…oh well, I remember in my first story, robbytherouge DID ask where luna was, so, 2 stories later, his wish got fulfilled.

Chapter 7: Blackburn added Luna? Looks like he finally broke his contingency!

_Holy shit….she's ok! I see her breathing; but is she the same? Was her mind wiped when she changed to her old self? I just don't know…._

Ridinoff's mind was spinning with this revelation, and all his questions were about to be answered, and the princess started to wake.

She slowly stood up, shook herself and uttered "the fuck is this shit?"

Ridinoff walked up and said "uhh, moo-I mean, princess Luna? Are you ok, you know who I am, right?"

She took a good look at him and said "ridinoff? Is that you? I swore I pushed you out a window…why would you come back? And weren't you shorter before?" ridinoff was almost tearing up; she was ok, he reached into his medical case and pulled out a small mirror and said "I don't think your nightmare moon anymore….your free of whatever happened to you."

Luna hoofpalmed and said "I was free of the evil long ago when I met you, and you befriended me; all I lost in becoming Luna was 70% of my power!" ridinoff inhaled as he said "well, you got 20% left. You're the new rainbow dash."

Luna glared and said in the royal canterlot voice "fuck you."

(Somewhere outside everfree, in Marcus and company's AO….)

"Uh, this isn't the way to ponyville, Marcus; are you sure being a hermit for a few years hasn't made you lose your marbles?" Mendez said as they climbed over a small hill.

As Marcus go to the top, he turned to Mendez and said "for the 100th time, I was not a fucking hermit! I was living in desolation!"

"Yeah….which means you're a hermit."

"Fuck….i don't have time for stupid people….look, I was in desolation for 3 years, NOT A HERMIT, next, we are heading to a "secret" UNSC satellite uplink so I can get a lowdown on the region in case if things have changed, as well as re-arm myself with UNSC gear; lastly, on our way to ponyville, we can visit AJ and get laid- I mean, food. Maybe I was away from people TOO long…"

Mendez chuckled and under his breath muttered "you are a human with the mind of a pony…would that make you a brony, Or a pervert?" he just shrugged and continued the trek to the uplink; he turned to incestia and said "so…is your name REALLY incestia?"

She sadly nodded and said "I fuckin' hate my parents, who it just so happened my mom was also my sister, and dad was my brother…"

Mendez interrupted and asked "so, who were there parents?"

"I really don't know….my family is a very tight circle."

Mendez soon found his lunch on the floor, and Marcus plugged in his iPod to his helmet coms…this was one talk he could avoid.

After Mendez regained his composure, he weakly said "well, maybe plastic surgery will help…." He looked up, and sighed in relief when he saw the UNSC uplink 50 feet away; maybe that would keep his horrid story incestia was telling on hold.

He picked up his pace, with Marcus and incestia following suit.

(50 feet later…)

"oh…yeah, Marcus? This bunker has a password, and A.I lock on it too…I really hope you remember the password after 4 years…." Mendez said as he eyes the control panel.

Marcus glanced at him and said "why are you nervous? It's just a door. "

"Yeah…a door with 2 sentry guns and a tank of nerve gas"

"Oh…well shit…this puts some pressure on me."

"What's nerve gas?"

"Incestia, this REALLY isn't a good time to ask."

Marcus signaled both of them to be quiet as he activated the A.I controlling the door:

_-hello, welcome to the UNSC outpost/Equestria location easy-easy operating system! Please input correct code, or you will be considered hostile, and you know what we do to hostiles!_

Marcus gulped as he racked his brain for the right code; as he looked down on the ground, he noticed a old, dried pool of blood on the ground, and shell casings from the sentry guns.

_No pressure? My ass._ Marcus thought as he said to the computer "the password is….password."

He watched nervously as the computer started validating the ironic password:

_-password admin: ********._

_Calculating…..calculating…...calculating—WRONG! DISPENSING CAKE AKA DEADLY NERVE GAS!_

at that moment, Marcus emulated corporal dun, screaming "HOLY SHIT!", Mendez was getting close to crapping his saddle, and incestia, dumbfounded asked again "what's nerve gas?"

Marcus stopped screaming as he heard laughing coming from the console, and a crude middle finger had appeared on its display

_Naw, just shittin' you…the password checks out_ the computer said as Marcus took some aspirin to slow his heart rate back to normal. He growled at the computer "what the fuck was that? I demand to know your I.D you A.I douchebag!"

The chuckling stopped as it replied "I can't tell you that, I don't even know! All I remember is I was the A.I for one "fisto the sexbot" a long time ago! On that note, seeing that ugly bitch back there, I presume _she's_ after the old sexbot, because no horse in their right mind would tap that ass! Or is that her face I'm looking at?"

Marcus walked into the UNSC uplink, and the first thing he did was remove the A.I unit from the console, and put 3 holes into it with his pistol.

He then re-holstered his gun, and turned to incestia and commented "Ignore that A.I…he probably just went crazy being here for a while..he was in a "windows vista", so I don't blame him for going insane, that thing was a piece of crap; Microsoft can keep it.

He turned his attention elsewhere as he explored the old outpost; to his surprise, there was a food locker and bed near the armory, and a bathroom just down the hall. He would remember this place, to say the least.

He opened the armory, and crapped himself: EVERYTHING the UNSC ever built for a marine firearm was here; we had MA5B through K's in here, shotguns, rocket launchers, Spartan lasers…..and some guns even he never had seen. He picked up a strange gun; it was something like an MA5, but it had an orange stripe on the top, and a bulky mag sticking out the bottom.

He walked to the shooting range in the armory, and took aim at a old tattered target, then pulled the trigger.

Everything downrange was hosed in 12-gauge buckshot.

He pulled the empty clip out and smiled; the UNSC made and auto-shotgun….after the war that NEEDED something like this was over….what the fuck. He grabbed all the ammo he could find for the MA5"AAS" as he would call it, as well as M6 and BR ammo, and stepped out of the armory.

He was going to head out for AJ's farm, but then something just occurred to him: instead of LIVING in the town, he could live in this outpost, safe and far away from the princess's prying eyes. He then laid his personal items and bedding gear on the cot near the armory; he was about to reach for the fridge and get a bite to eat when he overheard a conversation between incestia and Mendez:

"_so…why is he so afraid of princess celestia? I heard she was the nicest pony ever conceived!"_

"_yeah, well she keeps "experimenting" with Marcus, and that's why he faked his death and left ponyville 3 years ago…"_

"_what? Did she torture him, test medicines on him?"_

"…_no, more like kept encroaching on him, and forcing herself upon him, or just raping him."_

"_dear lord….would she do it to him again?"_

"_well, I'm sure she'll enter 3 years of canned-up heat when she hears he's alive and kickin'…I hope she doesn't, however, cause' Marcus would slit his throat if that happened again."_

"_so, you really care about his well-being?"_

"_in a no-homo way, yes. He is my only living friend left from earth, and he is also my hero and mentor from those fateful days during 2571…."_

"_Mendez, as a favor to you and Marcus, I swear on my life I shall protect him from her!"_

"_with the exception of nightmare moon, princess celestia is the strongest alicorn that ever lived, you and what army would stop her?"_

"_well, the inbreeding my family did, DID have one good side effect…somehow, I have the magic capacity of 12 alicorns! But, I sacrificed my looks, and reputation because of my families sins…"_

"_you're a deep pony, you know that? It's almost like someone was trying to make everyone have a personality…"_

"_thanks', Mendez…"_

Marcus was tearing up now; for the longest of time, he thought nobody missed him or liked him; Mendez had proved him otherwise…even if he thought nobody remembered him, Mendez and his new friend incestia would; he opened up the fridge and pulled out some MRE's

Things were looking up for once.

(meanwhile, at the castle in everfree….)

Ridinoff for the past hour had learned something:

Even though she lost some of her magic, her magic in the places that counted were still there, and better than ever now.

He chuckled; it was ironic that they were in the most dangerous time for them, yet they still had time to do one of the many pleasures of life…frankly, he didn't even tell her yet that he killed the evil version of him, and she didn't explain what happened to her either.

He hopped up, and put his equipment back on, and made himself a MRE; Luna got up and said "well, this new form does a lot more than the old one, let me tell you, but now I was wondering: how did you get away from the major? After I was gunned down, I saw him jump out the window after you! "

Ridinoff drank his MRE in one gulp and said "well, I ambushed him, slit his throat, and henceforth ended his life…after I did that, a ran my happy ass back up here to see if you were all right, and to face-off against your evil version of you, which, ironically, was the old you, nightmare moon."

Luna slowly nodded and said "well….i just was wondering, did you see them get in?" he shrugged and said "nope, did you?"

Luna was concerned; an evil version of her was on the loose, and nobody except them knew about it…maybe it was irresponsible for them to wait and not tell celestia about this. She turned back to ridinoff and said "get your gear, we need to tell the princess about this; and, before you ask "will she believe us?", she will; by that sugar-and-rainbow's bullshit mentality, I have been turned good, even though I went good a while back, and also because I am her sister, and I could expose how much of a bitch she is to the whole world."

Ridinoff, who still had a thorn in his side for the princess re-assigning him, chuckled and said "I love you more than I ever did before; you're an f'n badass now."

She smiled and jokingly said in a royal tone "I must act as a person of my regal pedigree is supposed to; now fetch me my lunch, urchin." They both broke out laughing as they headed out the castle to ridinoff's staff hog'

But, what either of them failed to notice was the black mist that was following them, slinking through the shadows; as they got into the staff car, the mist tagged along for the ride; nightmare moon's plan was unfolding to greater length's with every second passing.

Authors note: for some odd-ass reason, I my mind went blank flank for this author's note. Just review my fateful readers, or the grapist (WKUK skit) will "tie you to the radiator, and grape you in the mouth!"


	8. Chapter 8

Authors note: yeah, I gotta be at school, so, review, and I will put the authors note later kgood.

Chapter 8: is it just me, or are our friends different now?

Applecrack was humming an old family work song as she was burning down the last bit of the apple trees in sweet apple acres, and planting her "secret" recipe fast-growing pot plants (50% pot plant, 45% magic, 5% battery acid) for herself; she got jittery all over thinking of the grade-A pot that she could sell in the hub…and, maybe she could break the world record for "world's biggest blunt", the size she had to break was 9,047 pounds; then, she would break another record for smoking it all.

She noticed 3 ponies who were watching her in the distance; one was a hulking red stallion, another was a little yellow-ish filly, and the other was a sickly green old mare. At first, they just watched and yelled at her as she "opened the valve" and incinerated most of sweet apple acres; now they were running to her, and they looked…mad

_I wan'a why…. _Applecrack thought as she put her flamethrower away and went to greet the trio

The green one angrily squawked "what in tarnation got in yur head applejack? You just burned our whole crop dag-nab it!" applecrack smiled and said "wa wid de fun'a speaking? I and I be plant'n de harvest!"

The 3 looked at her dumbfounded and, and the yellow one said "big sis' are you feeling all right? And why do you got spaghetti in your hair?"

Applecrack growled slightly as she began to explain "ok, me breda, I be a rude boy na'….i go Rasta, mon; I get de hair out long, and de hat see? I grow ganja, which sell more those fuckin' apples, see? Oh, and…I feel' dumb dis day, wha ar' yo names gain'?"

The yellow on look confused for a second, then said "well, I'm applebloom, your little sister…this is your big brother Macintosh, and this here is granny smith! Why do you ask? And what's ganji?"

Applecrack pulled out a bag full of pot and said "do ya have a newspaper, mon?"

(elsewhere, at the UNSC outpost….)

"So, you're telling me ponies have radio stations now?" Marcus quizzically asked as he turned his tac-boy to F.M wavelengths; Mendez nodded and said "yeah, we have 3 radio stations, ganji news radio with 3 derp, true capitalist radio with "ghost" the melting pot of friendship, and DJ pon3's techno station; we, sadly are out of range of ganji news radio, and pon3's station, the only channel we could get here is true capitalist radio!"

As Marcus stepped outside and began his walk to AJ's farm, he replied "what's so bad about being capitalist on radio? He moved the dial to its station, and a angry voice filled up the speakers:

"…_I'M NOT A RACIST! I'M A MELTING POT OF FRIENDSHIP…I'M A NICE GUY! *wheeze* * * ok, next: caller 343, you are on TCR radio graffiti, spit it out."_

"_FUCK ME GHOST! I GET SO HORNY ABOUT YOU!"_

"_You fruitbowl…ENGINEER, ARE YOU SCREENING THESE CALLS! DO YOUR FUCKIN' JOB! *sigh*…..caller 777, you're on, say it or shove it."_

"…_fuck you Texas, fuck your lone star beer! Fuck every Dallas cowboy that ev-"_

"_GET THIS MORON OFF ENGINEER! ….GOD DAMIT! Weird Wilbur doesn't have the fuckin' balls to come down here and tell us that, he wouldn't make it out of here…ok, ONE last call, then were hitting so music, IVE FUCKING HAD IT!...CALLER 946, you're on!"_

"_my little pony, my little pony, MYYYYY—"_

"_AGGGGH! GET…THIS FRUITBOWL OFF * *…..ok, let's get this straight…THAT, was a brony….these fruitbowls are going around watching "my little pony"…a show made for 5 years olds….WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM! PEOPLE LIKE THAT GET RAPED IN PRISON!"_

Marcus turned the radio off, and said "wow. This is a radio program? And what's that racist guy's problem?"

Mendez shook his head and said "he is forever alone; he doesn't do Christmas, and is in denial about being a racist!"

Marcus chuckled as the kept on going to AJ's farm; as he looked in the direction to there, he noticed smoke clouds in the distance, the kind forest fires caused…he also sensed a smell that reminded him of batman.

He signaled everyone to pick up the pace; something wasn't right.

(MEANWHILE…..IN THE 5TH DIMENSION…..)

Chuck Norris was slightly worried; he had sensed a disturbance in the equestrian frontier, as if a large mass was moving into that dimension, it was a worry that merited the badasses to unit for a meeting. It wasn't, however, easy to EVER get the badasses united, as they had their own provinces they resided in, that existed in the 5th dimension

Needless to say, hard as fuck to find them.

Mr.T and the A-team were somewhere in los Angeles, Dave Jordan was at a GDI-centric base, the can of spam was in a supermarket, and optimus prime was busy trying to sort out the child support bills with the statue of liberty.

He got the people who counted for this meeting however; the people who had experienced Equestria, and it's denizens , so duke Nukem, Mr.T, the most interesting man in the world, Dave Jordan, and him…there was only 1 person who wasn't there:

Batman.

They really needed to see him; he had worked with Marcus and the mane 6 very closely, so he was critical to this meeting, but, frankly chuck wasn't worried…he knew where he was hiding, so he teleported himself to his favorite hidey-hole

(elsewhere in the 5th dimension, in a pot field outside of Kingston, Jamaica….)

Batman frankly couldn't see straight; this sorta thing happened when you spend most of the year in a permant fresh field of grade-A ganji , it was this sorta thing that pleased him to be in the league of badasses…

He was in pure bliss, as he heard a mysterious voice say:

_Oh, for the love of god….GET UP DAMIT!_

In an ultra-raspy voice, batman practically growled "holy shit! Are you the pot god who comes to the truly enlighted? Or is this about child support and bombing orphanages?"

Chuck facepalmed; sometimes, he questioned how batman god into the league of badasses…the only other person he questioned was bill Clinton, but he only came when the secretaries of American met, or on Wednesdays.

Chuck turned back to batman and said "we need your help; you knew more about Equestria than anyone else here did…we may need to send you back for a time, as weird shit's going on down there!"

Batman put a straight face on as "Equestria" was mentioned; he loved that place almost as much as pot…he gave his life to protect it, and got free pot because of it…he had his duty. He grabbed chuck's hand and said "send me in; I can help, for the ponies and pot plants!"

Chuck smiled as he round-housed him into Equestria; it hurt him more than it did batman.

(back to Marcus….)

He trudged over the hills leading to sweet apple acres; not that he was complaining, however…he was excited to see AJ again, and she would be jumping for joy to see him. One of the things he loved about her was her southern accent; it reminded him so much of earth, and his first home in Texas.

He was still concerned about the clouds of smoke he saw, and the almost overwhelming smell of what could have been burning rubber and battery acid; as he caught a glance of the farm, he knew what was wrong

_Someone burned all the trees down._

He broke into a dead run, he needed to find out what was happening.

(100 yards later…)

Marcus slowly walked into the farm, wheezing; it wasn't that he was out of shape, but there was smoke everywhere….it was like the inside of batman's spacesuit during the attack on the moon base!

He looked up and saw the entire apple family chilling out on the porch…or rather, LYING all over the porch; applebloom had a glazed look on her face, granny smith was knitting her rocking chair into a towel, big Mac was panting like a dog, and AJ was smoking what appeared to be a Sunday newspaper full of pot.

Marcus wondered how _long_ it was since he last saw her.

He jogged up to her and said "hey good lookin', you remember me?" AJ was leaning left and right as she grabbed another news paper. Filled it with pot, and lit up, completely obvious to Marcus, Mendez, AND incestia. Marcus's eyes crossed as he yelled "HELLO TO YOU TOO. HOW HAVE THING'S BEEN? WHY IS YOUR ORCHARD ON FIRE, WHY IS THERE POT GROWING THE FIELDS, WHY IS EVERYONE HIGH? WHY DO YOU HAVE DREADLOCKS AND A RASTA HAT?"

AJ shook her head as if she just realized where she was; she tried to stand up and greet Marcus, and said "oh, ello' rude boy! How ding's been a goin' faw ya?" Marcus's jaw dropped as he replied "applejack…..what..the…fuck happened to your voice?"he glanced over at Mendez, and incestia; the former had his jaw on the ground, the latter was looking suspiciously at applejack.

Marcus turned back to her as AJ said "oh, mi be a rastapony now, mi breda; ganji be worth more than apples edda way….who be you again breda?"

Marcus, dejected horribly, turned and at a mild pace left the farm, with Mendez quickly following; incestia, however, was turning to leave but she took a good look at "applejack" and thought:

_..she is uncannily like applecrack…but..naw, it couldn't be._

She yelled "WAIT UP MARCUS!" and trotted after him. As soon as the trio was out of sight, applecrack stood up and muttered "you be a bad man…I takes care of that, soon nuff…"

(meanwhile, over where Marcus is…)

"…I JUST DON'T GET IT!" Marcus screamed as they headed for ponyville; Mendez shook his head and said "they weren't acting like this a few days ago….this is weird shit man…incestia, I just wanna say, this isn't how our friends normally act…"

She looked at them and said "Fluttershy and applejack act a lot like 2 ponies in the hub; I saw them just before we teleported….oh god, I just thought of something…." Mendez turned back to Marcus, and said "well….maybe everyone in ponyville will treat us good, you know?"

Marcus grumbled "_yeah, maybe they'll shoot at me."_

Authors note: if you don't get the joke about a "melting pot of friendship" look up true capitalist radio on youtube to hear ghost rage for hours because all his viewers are trolls. Also, marcus will get back to ponyville one of these days.

Review. You know that keeps this story going, right?


	9. Chapter 9

Authors note: well, I did another promise of mine, make captain price have his own storyline in this…I got the idea to do this playing MW3, when (details withheld) to (withheld) so (withheld). It was pretty epic, I hope I didn't spoil MW3 for you. Now, time for price is right:

Chapter 9: back on the grid

Captain Price stealthily slunk through the shadows; he had be avoiding "hub" muppets for a few days after his attack on the overlord failed. He didn't need to fail; when he discovered that Sheppard had a line with the overlord, and ordered the killing of his men in TF143…..he snapped.

But things weren't always like this; he once WORKED for the overlord; it was a alliance of circumstance….the overlord knew where there arch-enemy, makorov was, so he did some odd-jobs for him, with Sheppard telling him what to do.

Then Equestria came into the picture.

Behind closed doors, makorov told the overlord and Sheppard of this land of Equestria…where all was fine and dandy; he said that "the hub" could further spread to this dimension opened by what appeared to be magic, and invade Equestria to make this world an empire.

All he had to do was kill me and my men, then the keys to the kingdom were his; Sheppard followed the overlord's orders to kill us; he murdered roach and ghost in cold blood, just as we were about to corner makorov…then, he killed soap.

That, was the final straw.

He was about to kill Sheppard, when makorov appeared and slit his throat, and shot me several times; they both thought I was dead….they were wrong.

But, they had other things in their mind…Sheppard secretly didn't want the overlord to control Equestria, and tried to destroy the planet using a moon base of unknown origin; somehow, someone stopped him; now it was time to find makorov, and the overlord…and end their lives…for TF143, and for soap; they were almost like brothers.

Truthfully, he found it to be the perfect battlecry, to utter "SOAP!" and strike out against the insolent muppets; they never saw it coming.

His sole mission truthfully was: stop the invasion of Equestria….save the galaxy.

His thoughts were interrupted as he neared makorov's compound; he turned his active camo on as he set his barret .50 up on a log, and waited for the perfect moment. Fortunately for him, it just so happened to be raining, and the guards were stupid enough to think gunshots and their comrades exploding was just thunder.

He chuckled as he set his sights over to the gate; a guard had his fly down as he let loose an ungodly stream came pouring from it. He noticed another guard walk up, and start talking to the other. As he held his breath, and steadied his aim, he wondered what they were discussing…

(100 yards away, at the gate…)

"so, then I told him "that's not what your mom said last night!" the other guard broke out laughing, and between chuckles said "dude, hold the jokes till' I finish pissing, I don't need to get it on my BDU's again…the sarge would be fucking pissed!" the other one shrugged and said "meh. Sure, but you need to hear the one about the girl who shoved a piece of liver in her vag! Peter told me that one, it's a riot!"

The guard chuckled as he fixed his eyes on where he was peeing; he cringed for a moment as some of the brick just near his head exploded as thunder rumbled across the sky. He finished pissing and turned to his buddy and said "dude, someone just shot a bullet over this way!" his buddy chuckled and said "what dumbshit would try sniping us in a storm, and why here? This place is the biggest compound in the hub!"

(back to price…)

"BLOODY HELL! I'M COMPRIMISED!" he then pressed a small red button and covered his head, a voice crackled:

_Friendly predator missile inbound._

(Back to the unlucky guards…)

"dude, did you hear something?" one guard said as the other began telling a joke; he chuckled and said "ah, don't worry, its most likely a bird"

The other guy didn't ever get a chance to respond; they got fucked over by a missile.

Someone inside the base said _"did you hear that?" _and another voice responded _"nah, it's probably a bird."_

(Back to the cap'n…)

Price chuckled; they always thought it was a bird…just like the time a guard tried to snort a block of C4 because it looked like a block of crack; he ran up to the gate, and snuck into the compound….makorov was close, he could sense him.

He pulled out his tactical knife and USP.45 SD, but threw the pistol on the ground, the damn thing fired .22 nerf rounds anyway; as he sprinted around the compound, whispering "soap" as he slit the throats of 46 guards, and opened the door leading to the command bunker, and slipped in.

As he trekked down the halls, a voice on the intercoms said in an autistic voice: _ah, captain…I see you are in a mood to die; you came back to try and "finish" me….if you leave now, I will not torture you, I will just quickly kill you._

Price sped up his pace; he was going to enjoy killing makorov, for the lives of his men, and for peace, no matter the cost; he ran up to the bunker door, and put 14 pounds of C4 on it as he ducked behind a wall; he pressed the clapper in with a _click_, and expected a huge explosion, with the door flying around in pieces; all he was greeted with was a small *_poof*._

He slapped his head as it hit him:

_You can't destroy shit with C4 in call of duty; frostbite is only in battlefield_

Makorov got back on the P.A and said "…or, instead of wasting C4 on the door, you could press the big red button that opened the door, dipshit." Price grumbled to himself "I knew that…"

He tapped the button, and the door slid open; for some odd reason, life went slo-mo, and he saw makorov aiming a RPG at him….he pulled some matrix bullshit and hit the ground as the rocket whizzed past.

He pulled out his 1911 and shot makorov in the kneecaps, and saw him crumple to the ground in pain; he then kicked him in the side of the face. The captain then pulled out some rope from seemingly nowhere, and began to tie it around his neck.

Makorov smiled as his life started slipping away; he uttered "Equestria is ours, nothing you can do from here…HURRGGH…" at that point, price tied the cable shut, ending the vermin's life….he pondered on what he had said, and came to a conclusion:

_Go to Equestria, and kill anyone related to the overlord._

He sprinted out of the complex, and headed to the portal site; he would end this, somehow, someway.

Authors note: well, I am sorry if the next chapters come late; I have 19 days to try a hand at a Christmas special.

Review broskinis.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's note: shit hell….sorry guys, this was TO damn long for me to hold off on posting…you guys aren't mad…right?...RIGHT? well, things have been a little screwy lately, with school an' all, and noisy-ass teachers; frankly, what really delayed this chapter, was a combo of battlefield 3 (I am getting the M-60, or go mental trying.) and my sweat and toll over trying my hand at writing an extra long 3 story chapter for Christmas…..i decided to finish the regular chapters, however, to take a brain break from the Christmas special, well, I'll tell you more after this chapter ends, and now, several weeks after it was supposed to be released:

Chapter 10: god dammit Leroy!

Marcus was setting up camp for Mendez and incestia; he would go inside ponyville in the morning, so that way he could be more dramatic. As he was prepping some spam, incestia asked him "what was it like, being trained for the UNSC? Did they make you and Mendez into badass spec-ops's guys?"

Marcus chuckled as he said "well, I can tell you about the day we were sent in on a combat-training mission, in a "easy" attack against a insurrectionist base, that was when Mendez and I teamed up for the first time; it was that day I always remembered, and in later years, I had Mendez moved to my unit for that shit we did many years ago…"

Marcus opened his mouth, and drifted off as he recalled that fateful mission, many years ago…

_(location: harvest colony, 2528, mission: strike team trainees attack a backwater insurrectionist base. Chance of resistance: 33%)_

"_hey sarge, when we gonna see some action, not this paintball training we've been doing for months?" a young corporal Marcus waters said, as he nervously gripped his MA5B whilst leaning back in the warthog's seats; a punch on his shoulder drew his attention to 2 other marines sitting near him, the one named "Mendez" chuckled and said "if you could hit anything, you are always the first to get "killed" in combat Sims!" the other, pvt. Leroy Jenkins, laughed and said "well, if sarge doesn't kill us first!"_

_Marcus rolled his eyes as the sgt yelled "CAN IT! Today, we are attacking an innie base, with reported minimal resistance…it'll be our victory soon!" _

Incestia tapped Marcus on the shoulder and said "but what sealed your friendship?" he put his finger to his mouth as he fast-forwarded the story

"…_well, sarge, we think these guys are in there…can you give me a number crunch?" the sgt looked at his tac-boy and said "it's a 33.5 percent chance of survival..it's the best you punks ever got. Let's go in there quietly—"_

_Private Jenkins pulled out a pistol and leg of chicken and screamed "all right, time's up…let's do this…LEEERROOY JEENKINS!" and sprinted into the enemy compound, pistol blazing._

_Mendez's jaw was on the ground as he said "omg, dude….he just went in. we gotta go save him!"_

_The combat team charged in, trying to save Leroy._

_(several minutes later…)_

"_HOLY SHIT! I'M FUCKIN' PINNED DOWN!" Marcus screamed as .50 cal bullets ripped through his cover. He turned to the sarge and said "little resistance! This is fuckin' Peliliu Island 1945! We can't move, Leroy is off on a killing spree, and we can't stop him….i don't even know where Mendez is—"_

_He stopped mid-sentence as he saw Mendez run past him, into the oncoming machine gun fire._

"_MENDEZ! YOU IDIOT, YOUR GONNA GET KILLED!" someone yelled as he jumped into the MG, and fired the full 60 round clip into the operator, and caught the others on fire with a thermite grenade. Mendez jumped down and yelled "I think we got em!" as a rebel fell at his feet, being slowly burned to death by the grenade._

_As they left the scene with a restrained Leroy Jenkins, Mendez turned and said "WATCH OUT MARCUS!" and tackled a wounded rebel who was about to cut Marcus's head off._

Marcus shook his head as he finished his story, he looked back up at incestia and said "in a nutshell, cutting 47% of the details out because I hate talking, that's what happened…from that day on, I had new-found respect for Mendez, and less respect for pvt. Leroy Jenkins."

Incestia looked at him quizzically and said "what happened to Jenkins?"

Marcus shrugged and said "I think the sarge had him transferred to active ship duty on some destroyer named _marathon_…that ship got destroyed under still-classified circumstances in a planet the covvies occupied…what I did read in the files were something about him hitting an NCO, and going into a covvie ship alone; he never came back.*

Mendez walked up and said "you know Marcus, we have been moving very slowly to ponyville; remember when it was instant teleportation between places?"** Marcus chuckled as he said "fine, no more stalling, we are going to ponyville, timing be damned."

Incestia merely observed Marcus; he was fair, had charisma, was cool (20%, of course), and handsome. _Wait, did I just say handsome?_ Incestia thought as she continued watching him; she changed the subject in her head and thought _well, even if I did like him, he wouldn't like me, anyway…._

(elsewhere in Equestria…canterlot to be exact)

Ridinoff sped through the streets of canterlot, hitting 2 dogs and a signpost as he missed his parking spot, and ran over one of the sleeping royal guards as he put his staff car in park; he jumped out of the vehicle and patted the guard's shoulder and said "it's just a flesh wound, I assure you…either way, your lazy ass was sleeping on duty, so this makes up for your flogging."

He signaled Luna to follow him as he ran to the princess's main hall

As they ran down the hall, ponies were jumping out of the way as a ridinoff covered in blood and guts ran down the hall; if that wasn't enough trauma for them, then most then got a heart-attack seeing princess Luna (not seen for like, what…1000 years?) sprinting after him, and knocking anyone aside with her royal canterlot voice.

They both burst into the princess's chamber, causing the princess to jump to her feet; her face had "holy shit, I did not see this coming" written all over it. She regained her composure and said "Luna, it has been too long; how has being nightmare moon felt?"

Luna gritted her teeth and said "we have worse problems than who's who…Equestria is being invaded by ponies from another dimension!" the princess gave Luna a disbelieving look and said "you mean the portals that got shut years ago?" ridinoff, still covered in gore walked up and said "an evil nightmare moon, and a evil version of me teleported in using those types of portals the last invasion had; they both spoke of invasion before they attacked us…the evil version of me is dead, the nightmare moon is somewhere in Equestria, I beg that you put me back into command of the troops so we can hunt-"

The princess waved him off and said "no, the stallions don't need to be flogged for sleeping at their posts; as for you Luna, I shall have a coming-back parade for you in a few days, come with me. Ridinoff put yourself on report and get back to work."

Luna yelled "Equestria has been INVADED! And you wave it off like it's not happening, how else could ridinoff get covered in blood, or me come back period!" as the princess was about to reply, gunfire and screaming filled the hall outside the room; ridinoff pulled his PKP out and said "I told you, but NOOO…nobody listens to the guy with military training!"

Ridinoff pushed a table on its side and extended the PKP's bi-pod, he looked over at the princess, who was ducking behind her throne, and Luna, who was cocking a CZ. He looked back at the door facing the room; he heard twisted screaming and growls outside the door; he knew they weren't friendly as soon as something started ramming the door, trying to break it down.

He aimed down his sights, and swallowed; he had no idea what was beyond that door;, and this could quickly turn into a final stand. As the door started to buckle, he pressed the trigger down and began to fill the door with bullet holes, hoping to stop whatever was trying to break in; he heard the growls beyond the door get louder as the sound of 7.62 hitting flesh became the dominant noise in the hall.

As his the last of his belt was sucked into the LMG, the door split in half, and all ridinoff saw was shit he had seen in his worst nightmare; they were ponies, bodies covered in sickly sores of black, eyes glowing red with hate; in blood, the mark of nightmare moon adorned them. He ditched his PKP and swapped to his trusty CCSH-41, and began to tear gnarly chunks of hamburger off of the freaks as they poured through the spilt door; he looked over at Luna who was expertly firing her CZ, landing headshots as they came close. This would appear to be winning fight, but ammo lasted only so long….

He was laughing out of sheer terror, if nothing else; this shit made the massacre in stalliongrad during 2043 look like a party….as he pulled the empty drum mag out of his SMG, he came to a horrid realization: he was out of rounds. He pulled his trench knuckle out and charged toward the freaks, screaming "YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME!"

Luna ran to his PKP and put a 100 round belt into it, trying to cover ridinoff; each moment felt like decades, but ridinoff, filled with terror and rage, slaughtered the freak masses. As the last few were put down, ridinoff swore he heard one of them say "thank you" as he drove the blade through its heart. As ridinoff stood back up, he heard a sickenly familiar voice say "my, my….it looks like I underestimated you, ridinoff"

He looked around the room, trying to find the voice, Luna was in a panic as well, weapon aimed and scanning the room. Ridinoff was turning to look at the princess, and noticed a small pool of black smoke forming near celestia's feet. The voice said again "but, you will be dealt with eventually, in the mean-time, my minions shall take care of you, good by ridinoff. " he saw the cloud envelope princess celestia, and felt something knock him to the ground as a blinding flash of light filled the room.

As he lay on the floor, he heard the growling of the freaks down the hall; as they neared, he heard luna say "don't worry, I got you" and carried him out the window. As he opened his eyes and looked back at the throne room, he saw the monsters gathered at the window, hissing with displeasure as there meal flew away; ridinoff looked at Luna and uttered one thing before he passed out

"_I will…have, my…revenge….for celestia, for Equestria…."_

Luna landed on the highest tower in canter lot and demolished the stairs leading to it with the MPG. She put ridinoff down on the bed in the center of the room, and lowered her head; it was happening…the true nightmare moon was coming back to take over;

Yet, somehow, she had a feeling it was her fault.

Author's note: ok, first off these * stand for a few ref's I was doing, the first one about Leroy and his thing on the marathon is a reference to codenameone's story "ever wonder what's up there?" a fairly grim story about a REAL war the UNSC had to hold the covvies off from equestria…no, it's not a parody, it is SERIOUS…I beta-read it, and fuckin' loved it. You should read it, if you know what's good of you (bacon)

As for the instant teleportation ref, that is kinda making fun of my first and second story, how it was merely (1 hour later) and marcus and mendez could be half-way across the planet, yet in this story, it has taken them more than 3 days to head back to ponyville; but I did that so I could add more "life" to this story, u'no?

Well, review, and tell me your not mad, and seeing it is basically midnight with final exams tomorrow, I'll get my ass to bed and dream of cheese. And writing Christmas specials.

EAT. SLEEP. REVIEW. REPEAT.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's note: I ate a cheese ball. I need Tums. Now.

Chapter 11: the neighborhood has gone to SHIT.

Marcus was putting his stuff back in his rucksack, listening as Mendez finished telling his story about a prank he pulled in boot camp with a toaster, some water, and some poor sap's dick. When Marcus got his stuff back in his pack, he stood up, tapped his buddies on the shoulders and merely said "we don't want to leave the good ponies waiting for our surprise arrival, do we?"

Mendez chuckled and nodded as he grabbed his gear and trotted after Marcus; incestia asked "will your other friends be nice, or are they going to be like the assholes back in "the hub?" Marcus leaned to her ear and said "it may have been…girl problems with the others, y'no, the shit we don't like talking about."

Incestia said "oh, you mean marriage!"

Marcus facepalmed as they headed into ponyville's city limits; Mendez turned to Marcus and said "well, I don't know about you, but I am going by sugar cube corner, and grabbing some whipped cream; dash loves whipped cream, and I might as well get on common ground the next time I see her." Marcus had a blank expression as he saw Mendez run into the store.

He started heading for rarity's boutique, and as he walked up to it, he swore he smelled fish or something; his suspicions were confirmed when he opened up the door, and the smell just ROLLED out of the damned place. He was shocked when he walked in: the place was a fuckin' mess, strange clear liquids all over the floor, cans of buffout on the table, and the dresses in the windows were nothing more than old fishnets for your crotch!

Incestia blushed as she laid eyes on the room; she said "this place reminds me of the frat house I ran for a while." Marcus would have laughed, but he instead yelled "RARITY! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

Instead of hearing the soothing reply "oh, I'll be right there darling!" he heard what sounded like a 60 year old crack whore yell "THE FUCK DO YOU WANT! I'M BUSY GIVING A FUCKING BLOWJOB ASSHOLE!" Marcus's eyes went wide as he started quickly walking for the door. As he reached for the door handle, he heard a distinct _click_ as it locked. He started slamming on the door, wanting to leave ASAFP.

The crackly hore voice replied "I'll be right with you, and don't try to leave, I installed those locks so my "clients" don't leave without paying!" Marcus started crying; was Mendez having this much trouble at pinkie's?

(meanwhile, at pinkie's…)

Mendez was sitting next to the counter, ringing the bell for service; when nobody answered, he walked downstairs, to see if anyone was home. Most of the doors were locked down there; as he neared the end of the hall, he looked into the room, and saw a semi-horrifying sight: Mr. and Mrs. Cake were chained to the wall; fresh blood was on the floor.

Mr. cake was half-awake/alive and upon seeing Mendez said "please…you gotta help us….pinkie is fuckin' insane, she's killed several nameless background ponies already, I think, we are next!" Mendez was about to say something as pinkie walked in, mid-sentence saying "..and, I figure you'll be a good dress—MENDEZ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

He swung around, and saw pinkie standing with a trench knife in her mouth standing in the doorway; she dropped the knife and stuttered "oh…I didn't want anyone disturbing these 2…uhh, LOVEBIRDS! Yeah, lovebirds, see…they are trying some new stuff, yeah, so can you give them privacy?" she put her hoof on his shoulder and started pushing him out of the room; Mr. cake started screaming "NO! DON'T LEAVE US, SHE'LL KILL US! HELP!"

Pinkie glared at him and then shut the door behind her, turning back to Mendez; she gave a forced chuckle and said "oh, it's just pillow talk, you know?...SO, what can I get for you, I was just preparing some food for myself down here!" she grabbed Mendez and started pulling him to the room at the end of the hall.

She kicked him into the center of the room, and shut the door, promptly locking it. She turned the lights on, and he noticed the room was painted red. With blood. Bodies were littering the floor. He turned to pinkie and said "well, I came here wondering if you could give/sell me a can of whipped cream."

Pinkie stopped for a moment and said "oh…so you aren't here for snooping?" Mendez said "uhh…does going to a food place to buy food count as that?" pinkie muttered "no…." she perked up and went over to a box, pulling out a bloody hunk of meat. She turned back to Mendez and said "so…WANNA BUY SOME MYSTERY MEAT!"

Mendez, unfazed said "naw…if I need mystery meat, I go get an MRE" pinkie, slightly dejected, handed him a can of whipped cream and opened the door to let him out. He walked out the front door, and when he got around the corner, he fell on his knees, screaming "I'M ALIVE!"

(meanwhile, at the fraternity of tin's base, GDI "red zone"…)

Lolschild was busy "chatting" with liberty pie's A.I, telling it about what has happened since it was last operational; as he kept talking to it, a paladin tapped him on the shoulder and said "sir, scans detect a portal being formed in the red zone area, and it may be signs of an invasion; should we mobilize?"

Lolschild was about to respond when an explosion on the surface rocked the base; a voice on the PA system yelled "INCOMING! WE GOT CONTACTS, LOTS OF CONTACTS!" lolschild ran to the armory to suit up in his ZONE armor; he hadn't kicked ass in a few years, and was eager to get some practice. As he past groups of troopers heading to the surface He grabbed one by the shoulder and said "who is attacking us!" the trooper said "it may be the éclairs, but these guys don't have matching IFF to be them, we will find out when we engage; I overheard that there are both aircraft and armor backing these fools up!"

Lolschild nodded as he ran toward the armory, just across the hall. He took his robe off as he slid into his heavily modified power armor; as he powered on, the suit's voice said in a neutral female voice _automatic medical assistance on: administering MED-X._ as he felt his skin going numb from the meds, his health unit reported: WARNING: you are addicted to med-x. He rolled his eyes as he grabbed his M-16A1 and his GDI portable railgun unit.

While the elevator brought him up to the surface, he could feel the vibrations of explosions on the surface.

As the elevator doors opened, he was greeted by American "huey" gunships taking off and GDI predator tanks rolling out of the base, and into the battlefield; it was rather amazing, that 2 things from totally different eras would meld aside and join forces against a common evil. He charged out the front gates, and got a first look at the tangos:

There were modified variants of MBT-42B "Kiger mustangs" backed up by ponies clad in black, and ponies with sickly black sores on their bodies; in the sky, black Pegasus ponies and basilisk warships cast an ominous shadow over the land; he pulled the action back on his M-16 and P.R.U, then rallied a squad of T-51's behind him as he charged into battle.

He looked to the left and saw the predator tanks hit the throttle as they sped into oncoming tanks shells and laser fire; it was a suicidal tactic, but one that could utterly destroy an unprepared enemy. He looked back in front of him as a wave of "zombie" ponies with the black bloody patches crossed the field in front of him; he hit the deck, and opened up on the freakish masses with his M-16, 5.56-MM hitting unprotected flesh at supersonic speed; his squad was also peppering the tangos, and there reward was the first wave splattering against the ground, bodies covered in holes.

As his team set up defenses in there zone, he looked over at the tank battle taking place in the field; the predators were weaving in and out of enemy ranks, pelting the Kigers with 147-MM HEAT rounds. Both sides of armor had taken noticeable casualties; the Kigers were hopelessly outclassed, while the basilisk warships were practically melting predator tanks with their high-power lasers.

As one of the basilisks started targeting a tank column, it was knocked out of the sky by a burst of HYDRA-70 rockets; a huey flew past the crashed warship, guns blazing. The sky was soon filled with their helicopters; the UH-1's opened up on the hostiles with their miniguns and rocket pods, while the hammerheads strafed armored units, and targeted infantry.

He looked back where the infantry was coming, and ducked as MG bullets whizzed past his head; a Kiger mustang backed up by armed pony squads began to cross the field. Lolschild slipped his P.R.U off of his shoulder and charged it up as the tank rolled across the field. As the whirring sound of the charged cannon happened, he pulled the trigger, tearing the Kiger clean in half, and dismembering the 2 unlucky ponies that were using the tank as cover.

As his squad wiped up the rest of the ponies, he looked back at the tank battle; the enemy was retreating as F-4 phantoms flew in, dropping napalm on the tango troops, and shooting down any basilisk that was ballsy enough not to run. The horizon was painted a bloody orange as the silhouettes of burning tangos dotted the distance. He stood up and yelled to his men "FIX BAYONETS!" and charged across the field, chasing the retreating enemies. As he drove his knife through the back of a pony, he took it's dog tags and glanced at them and read:

_XxXNoSoApExXx_

_HUB army forces_

_b. type: A+_

_service star 1 with M-416_

He looked up and saw the ponies disappearing into portals; he ordered his men to halt as he started picking up corpses to take back to the lab and identify; one way or another, the fraternity had their work cut out for them, and had more reasons to finish re-building liberty pie.

But one thing was certain, this war had started, and they would keep Equestria safe, for the princess, for Marcus.

Authors note: yes, the fraternity HAS a role in my story, this goes to show the invasion has started, and there is at least one standing army. My mind went blank for author's notes today….


	12. Chapter 12

Author's note: happy 1st day of the last year of planet earth! Don't worry…I can finish my story before then!

Chapter 12: …makes me sound more…badass.

Captain Price was slinking along a path in the everfree forest; his stealth was second to none. As he slipped past a sleeping mantacore, and past an annoying gay sea serpent complaining about his mustache he knew nothing could find him. HOWEVER, seeing that karma is a bitch, much like bill O'rielly, he heard a loud scream above him, and looked up.

(200 feet up…)

Batman was flung into equestria's dimension, but only 200 feet above ground; he was screaming as he fell out of the sky; maybe he was lucky, but he saw a person in his fall path.

He hoped it would cushion his landing.

(back to price…)

He squinted, and as the figure grew bigger and bigger, it hit him, both figuratively and literary:

It was batman.

(elsewhere in Equestria…..)

Marcus was hocked; rarity never EVER smoked or drank (publicly, and to his knowledge)…know, he had the epitome of substance abuse sitting in front of him, trying to talk him into taking his pants off; things needed to be explained.

He sighed and said to rarity "what have you done to yourself while I was gone? Hell, what's wrong with AJ, or Fluttershy? You seem to know what's what in this town; fill in the past 3 years worth of blanks. RIGHT NOW." Rarity sputtered, doing a smoker's cough at the same time as she said "what are you talking about, deary? Things are just like they were 3 years ago! On that note, who are you, it uhh, slipped my mind." Marcus screamed in frustration as he pulled out his sidearm and pointed it at her head and yelled "WHO ARE YOU! WHERE IS RARITY YOU FUCKING COMMIE!"

Necessity gulped; Marcus was smarter than she expected, and she decided to do the only thing she could . Marcus said again "TALK OR MY GUN TALKS!" before Marcus knew what was happening, "rarity" pulled out a can of UNSC "dragon piss" pepper spray and he reeled in terror as he felt a burning mist cover his face. As he rolled on the floor, growling in pain, incestia screamed as he heard the pepper spray get used again, and "rarity" screaming for the police as she went out the front door.

Before he passed out from the pain, he really wished and hoped Mendez was all right.

(meanwhile…)

Mendez was slowly trotting down the street; what had he just witnessed? Had the Santana DVX fucked him up, or was pinkie now a crazy-er pony than she was before? I mean, maybe Mr. and Mrs. Cake were being frisky, not set up for slaughter like they said! As he kept going down the street, he saw rarity run past him, screaming for the police; he really didn't give a fuck, and rarity was always to "uppity" to get with him anyway; she could go to hell as far as he was concerned.

He sat down on a bench, trying to understand what had happened when he overheard rarity say to not a cop, but a pony wearing some form of spec-ops camo "get some guys over here quick! Incestia betrayed us, and we also have Marcus! Tell satin ether she can extract her revenge after the overlord does his interrogation!" Mendez saw the spec-op pony nod his head as he clicked the safety of his gun off with magic. Mendez casually stood up and walked away, making his way to the boutique before the spec-op could.

As he opened the boutique's door, he rushed to incestia and Marcus, who were in pools of yellow fluid of questionable origin, curled up in the fetal position; after years of dating military women, he knew only yo well that they were sprayed with that nasty UNSC dragon piss. As he slung them both on his back, the spec-op walked into the boutique, and before he even noticed Mendez, he had put three 12.7 MM pistol rounds into his forehead, and slumped to the ground.

Mendez knocked the back door down, and headed for the grove of trees just outside of the city.

(back in the boutique…)

Necessity trotted back into the store, and gasped as she saw the dead HUB riflepony, and no sign of Marcus or incestia; she ran to her radio and called the hub's high command (H.A.S.B.R.O)(HUB ARMY SERVICE BATTLE READINESS OFFICE) and called for backup; if Marcus and incestia told equestria's military about their plans, this invasion was doomed. AGAIN.

(meanwhile, with mendez….)

Mendez was applying the morphine to both incestia and Marcus; they got a lethal burst of the spray, even though it is supposed to incapacitate it had a tendency to kill via high concentrations. Incestia got it really bad; the skin on her face was in tatters, and falling off. Mendez was applying tons of bio-foam, but the skin kept falling off; he turned his attention back to Marcus as the foam set in, he needed to get him up again, and find out what happened.

He pulled out some of the "power cocktail" he had in his med-kit and injected it into Marcus…it was a vile mix, made with medical steroids, Chuck Norris's tear's, and mountain dew; if this didn't revive him, it would most likely kill him. He stepped back as Marcus's body started flopping around; he pulled his AED out and gave him a good _ZAP._

While Marcus was waking, Mendez turned back to incestia; he wiped the excess BIO-FOAM off and gasped; it took off her skin, but replaced it…but that wasn't the half of it. Marcus couldn't see incestia, but saw Mendez's stunned expression; he pushed him aside and said "what's wrong with—oh…wow….that bio-foam…..damn, she doesn't look like a reject of the gene pool now! What was the bio-foam you used!"

Mendez looked down at the empty can and read out "UNSC medical supply (EXPERMENTAL) BIOFOAM-GR/PE(X) test batch." He looked at Marcus and said "what's the GR/PE mean?"

Marcus reached for the medical handbook and thumbed through the index; after a few seconds, me read out "it means genetic repair/physical enhancement….it's supposed to fix major defects, repairing them to the layout there supposed to be, and fixing skin tissue, as well as other things." Mendez turned back to incestia, nodding, and said "well….she looks sorta like a taller celestia, but with a fire red mane now; say, her mane IS working now!" Mendez and Marcus started counting the repairs her body got as she started waking up; when she opened her eyes and looked at him, she opened her mouth and said "what? Is there something on my face? Is it a spider? OHMYGODGETITOFF!"

Marcus and Mendez gasped and said "OH SHIT HER VOICE IS SEXY NOW TOO!"

Incestia stopped for a second and said "wait…my voice sounds…good…now….guys, what happened?"

Marcus spoke up and said "well, that bitch who is posing as rarity pepper sprayed us, then somehow Mendez swooped in and saved us, took us here and healed us; when he healed you, however, he used some fancy bio-foam that from what we can tell, healed most if not all of your birth defects caused by your family. I think you're a normal alicorn now, incestia."

She rushed up and gave them both a big hug; it was the best day of her life now.

(meanwhile, somewhere in the everfree….)

Captain Price opened his eyes; whatever landed on him must have knocked him out for quite some time. He was getting up when a raspy voice said "so…you're up now? Yeah…I do recognize you…YOU WERE THE ASSHOLE WHO QUICK-SCOPED ROBIN YEARS AGO!" he swung his head to the source of the voice; it was a chain-smoker in a black leotard, who he HAD seen before….it was in 2572, deep in this forest….so he killed some guy named "robin" it seemed. He spoke up and said "look, I'm sorry if I killed you, but I thought you were one of those muppets makorov sent out-" the chain smoker yelled "MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!"

"…..ok, I don't even know who you are; what the fuck does that have to do with anything!"

The smoker spoke up and said "I am batman; the savior of Gotham city, the bomber of orphanages, the only Vietnam vet who never fought in Vietnam" captain price was trying to think of a way to talk sense into this "batman" when all of a sudden, batman knocked him to the ground and started fist-fighting someone who was behind him.

After a few seconds, batman fell to the ground, and price walked up to see what happened; batman was clutching a spot where is hand was torn off, and on the ground was a pony with "inner circle" marking…one of makorov's hit-ponies. Batman just saved his life.

He turned back to batman, and said "are you all right! How bad did it get you!" batman gave a look that basically said "my hand was torn off. What do you think asshole?" price gave him a shot of morphine as he picked him up and started carrying him to a place his GPS/UAV told him was an "abandoned" base not too far from there; he didn't fully trust batman, but this was a start.

Author's note: well, the trademark fighting cussing and sex jokes are going to increase now that batman is plantside, and that marcus is about to learn of the elements of douchebaggery!

Now, do what I always ask and review! Please!


	13. Chapter 13

Author's note: damn…school has put me behind my planned writing plan….then, I also start a fallout story (which I will soon realese in a few days) then add some new games and DLC for my xbox, I am very distracted; oh, and batman does the greatest thing ever in this chapter, I still laugh my ass off thinking about it.

Chapter 13: telling you the truth…no matter how bad it hurts.

Mendez pushed incestia away and said "well…it's nice and all that you look good now, but I have some more pressing news to tell you guys: pinkie is a murderous psycho, and rarity isn't who she says she is; she was talking to some pony clad in black armor!"

Incestia's face went pale as she said "those are HUB army troop uniforms..my god, what else did she say?" Mendez said "well, something about "tell the overlord we got Marcus and the traitor!"

Incestia freaked out and screamed "OH MY GOD! THEY FUCKING DID IT! Ohgodohgod….." marcus interjected "whoa, chill…..what did they do?" she sniffed and said "see, at one time, I heard the overlord talking about getting the elements of douchebaggery and replacing the elements of harmony with them; after the planet got "corrupted" his men would invade and conquer an Equestria in turmoil, then invade this dimension….he talked over this plan with satin ether after she returned…."

"SATIN IS ALIVE!" Mendez screamed in rage, knocking over the med-kit; Marcus held Mendez down and said to incestia "if what your telling us is true…how do we know you aren't trying to trap us?" incestia gave them a grave look and said "I have betrayed the country I technically rule, dude…the overlord would kill me; what you need to know is that ANYONE could have been replaced by the overlord's minions, because the hub is a "evil" version of the current Equestria! That means both of you have a counter-part that may be sent to here so you can be stopped!"

Mendez looked at marcus and said "yeah…she isn't shittin' us." Marcus nodded and said "tell us more about the 6 who replaced the elements…."

(elsewhere in equestria….)

"GET THE ELDER! WE GOT WOUNDED STRANGERS OUTSIDE THE WALLS!" a zone trooper yelled as they opened the gate for captain price and batman, the latter who was passed out from blood loss; the elder accompanied with medics ran out to give support them.

As the medics rolled batman away, the elder turned to price and said "greeting stranger…..who are you? And why is your friend hurt?" price looked at him and said "I was patrolling the zone to take care of a portal-based invasion, and I met that one guy in the cape; he saved me but got wounded, get him fixed up…I have to leave and continue my hunt."

The elder blocked his way out and said "wait, you know about the invasion? And you didn't tell me who you are, ether; you must come with me, ether way until we can heal your friend." Price reluctantly nodded and followed the elder to the medical section of the base.

Price soon found himself sitting behind a mirrored glass window, watching the operation occur on batman; the elder turned to him and said "so…while your friend gets healed, who are you, and what do you know about the portals?"

Price glared at him and said "why should I tell you? You could be a spy, waiting to tell the enemy my next move!" the elder said "the men of the fraternity of tin are remnants of the U.S army from Vietnam, the steel talons and ZOCOM from GDI using technology from the former factions, and other stuff from the UNSC.

Price looked him in the eye and said "I am captain price, of the former TF 141…my mission was to stop the invasion of Equestria; the first time I failed, but some locals of this planet held them off, and sealed the portals; however, in recent times, someone opened a portal again, and this time they are invading by undermining power and politics…a classic "black-ops" mission. The guy you are healing, I heard him call himself "batman", but I don't know if that's his real name…"

The elder's face went white when he heard "batman" mentioned, he said "wait…how could that be batman? He was killed on the moon by Nazi zombies when they stopped general Sheppard! And, if the invasion you mention is really happening, then we gotta warn princess celestia!"

They looked back at batman, who was _awake _while the medics were fixing his hand; batman appeared to be telling them orders, but nether price or lolschild could see what they were doing. After about 20 minutes, the medics gave him some stim-packs and morphine, and sent him on his way.

A door swung open near them, and batman marched out, M-60 in on hand, and a strange robotic hand with a strange looking blaster on it. Price and lolschild both asked "what's that on your hand?"

Batman smiled ear-to-ear and said "my new robotic arm-mounted _doobie cannon_!"

Lolschild jaw hit the floor, while price facepalmed; the elder uttered "this…this is THE batman, who NAM'ed his way to victory…..we, the fraternity, BASE OUR TRAINING on this man!" at that time, a medic walked in and said "elder, batman asked us to integrate pot into his bloodstream, and asked for the weaponized augmentation; we couldn't say no, I hope you understand, sir."

Lolschild said "yes…I do, get all the men into formation; we must not leave price and batman out! We give them a tour of the place, and dinner!" price said "uh, when can I get back to my mission?" batman whispered to him "dude…I got the munchies like a bitch, never turn down a free meal!"

Price facepalmed again as they headed to the mess hall of the base.

(meanwhile, in the hub…)

"_dash…c'mon WAKE UP!"_

Dash groaned as she opened her eyes; she had no idea how long she was out, all she knew was that her head hurt, and her armor was beeping from critical damage. She heard twilight sigh with relief and say "oh…thank the princess you're alive; you looked half-dead when they put you in here!"

Dash stood up and looked around; she appeared to be in a dungeon somewhere, and there were 6 cells, with her friends in different ones, she could just barely make out twilight in the cage closest to her and said "twilight….where are we? Where's Mendez? Why are you in a cage?"

Twilight shook her head and said "I think we are in another dimension…a evil version of me got the drop on myself, and had me sent here, and they locked me up! our friends are here, but they are unconscious right now…"

Dash couldn't believe it; the last thing she remembered was a Pegasus that looked like her dogfighting outside of cloudsdale, then plummeting to the earth, then she wakes up, and is in a cell, her friends captured as well…she looked at twilight and said "a evil version of me captured me too….did that happen to everyone?"

She shrugged and said "I don't know, you and I had that happen, but then again, you just woke up." about that time, a door down the hall crashed open, and they heard hoofs clopping against the ground, getting closer.

The lights turned on, showing a alicorn covered in green-plated armor with huge scars on her face.

It was _satin ether._

She smiled and said "surprised to see me? Thought I was dead?" dash ran to the cells bars and screamed "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH US! WHERE'S MENDEZ!" satin smiled and replied "oh...I want you stuffed like a pillow and hanging in my trophy cabinet, with your cute little unicorn buddy as my slave, but the overlord just wants you punks to rot in cells for the rest of your life, as we take over Equestria. Seriously, we tried this a few years ago, our agenda didn't fuckin' change."

Twilight said "you caused the death of many noble humans and ponies! How can you live with yourself!" satin got a trollface and said "very well, take my tiberiuem 2 times a day, rape some virgins, and burn down an orphanage to build a crack house…I live just fine!" she leaned up close to dash's cage and said "now, when I find your little butt-buddy Mendez, me and the _real _queen of evil, nightmare moon, will make him split in half, and then we will give his dying body for bill O'rielly to have his way with!"

Dash reached through the bars and slugged satin in the nose and yelled "NIGHTMARE MOON WOULD NEVER DO THAT! SHE IS AILLED WITH EQUESTRIA NOW!"

As she wiped the blood from where dash hit her, she conjured magic and gave her a 1.52 gigawatt burst, causing dash to crumple to the ground, unconscious again. She growled "oh, and the nightmare moon I am talking about isn't that little pussy you losers have in Equestria, I am talking about the one the rules the hub!"

Twilight, cowering in the corner mustered the strength to say "but…the princess and nightmare moon from our world could defeat her and you!"

Satin chuckled as she started for the door, and over her shoulder she said "we captured celestia, and your nightmare moon was killed by the real nightmare moon….we win, you lose."

She turned the lights off and she slammed the steel door shut, and for the first time in her life, twilight felt genuinely defeated.

Author's note: what can I say? The truth has been revealed to Marcus and Mendez, batman has a doobie cannon, the fraternity worships batman, and satin ether returns….things just got interesting, didn't they?

B.T.W, the doobie cannon acts like that gun iron man had in the first movie, except batman's has 2 fire modes, automatic and guided, see, in the first iron man movie, he had an arm mounted mini missile/dart gun that killed terrorists by locking on, but not the civvies they were holding hostage….i always thought that was beast…it was real-life aimbot.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: well, besides doing this badass chapter, I want to inform all of you guys about my new story I realeased a few days ago, it's called FALLOUT: Texas….basically, it's 3 part awesome, 2 parts badass character, 100% worth reading.

Oh, and batman sheer epicness is unveiled in this chapter.

Chapter 14: NAM-NAM-NAM-NAM-NAM-NAM….

Mendez was fixing to crap his pants; they were being invaded, they didn't know where to go, they didn't know if the princess was safe…they didn't know anything more than what incestia told them. Marcus spoke up and said "well, first order of business is to stop the fake elements…all in favor of brutally murdering one of them and hanging the body from a flagpole, raise your hand/hoof."

To Marcus's surprise, everyone raised their hand/hoof.

Mendez lowered his hand and said "can we take down pinkie first? She is a murderer!" Marcus, while cleaning his pistol, asked "why pinkie first? You never told me what she did."

Mendez took a deep breath and said "she is torturing ponies and killing them in her basement…and TURNING THEM INTO FOOD!" Marcus looked straight ahead for a moment then said "…we're gonna hang her body from a pyre, then go to canterlot with the proof that this isn't pinkie." Incestia gave him a disbelieving look and said "why are we going to canterlot?"

Marcus glared and said "don't argue with crazy-logic."

Incestia rolled her eyes, then said "all-right; what's the plan? Just go Rambo in there, or wait for the sun to set, then do the ol' murder-fore'-morning?" Marcus pulled out a stick, and began sketching on the dirt "…ok, incestia, you go invisible, and keep overwatch; tell us if enemy troops come pouring at us, I will use my knife to cut open the back door, and my M6 I will equip with a suppresser."

Incestia nodded as Marcus prepped the final part "..then, after we sneak around…we plant 400 pounds of C-12 and blow the place to kingdom come, and come out swinging with the plupish remains of evil pinkie! Sound good Mendez?" Marcus turned around "Mendez? Where are—oh fuck…." On the ground was a note that said "Marcus, going to take pinkie on alone, meet up with me in canterlot later; I swear, I can do this myself."

Marcus finished reading the letter, and handed it back to incestia; after she read it, she commented "I think he can take care of himself, after all, he's a highly trained army grunt, what could go wrong?" Marcus nodded and said "I guess your right; besides, we need to see if the princess is all right, and rally the equestrian army!"

They then started there long trek to canterlot; little did they know, Mendez wouldn't be able to take care of himself.

(elsewhere…)

Mendez slunk along the shadows in the alley behind sugar cube corner; with his knife held in his mouth, he was going to sneak in, free the cakes, and kill the evil pinkie…soon afterward, he would declare himself "king of all black people", but that was a different story.

He scooted next to the door, and removed the hinges, watching the door clatter to the ground. He kept close to the wall, and tried to get bearing on where pinkie was; his answer was the sound of a knife being sharpened somewhere in the basement, as well as pinkie singing cult prayers. He picked up his pace and silently jumped down the stairs; he went to the door he heard her behind, and softly tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge.

So he decided it would be just as stealthy to stick a claymore breaching charge to the door, and "call of duty" them with his knife. As the charge blew the door in, time seemed to go "slo-mo" as he jumped in, and threw the knife at pinkie's head; he watched as the knife hit her point-blank in the left eye, and crumpled to the ground. Mendez fell on the floor, gasping, that was hard as shit.

He looked up on the wall, and saw Mr. and Mrs. Cake freaking out, screaming to be freed; as he un-fastened the straps that held them to the wall, Mr. cake said "thank you…FOR FALLING INTO OUR TRAP!" and hit him on the head with his metal shackle. As the darkness began to fill Mendez's vision, he saw pinkie stand up, and pull the knife out of her eye, Mr. and Mrs. Cake pull off their faces, but what he saw shocked him:

The people who were masquerading as the cakes were 2 figures; A person who looked like Marcus, and a pony who looked like him. The "Marcus" pointed to him and said "we knew your plan, we know everything Mendez…I don't like the way you're looking at me." Before Mendez could even squeak, "Marcus" drove his boot into his face, and everything went dark.

Cole aid looked to colored cake and said "did that little bitch hurt you?" she nodded and said "yeah yeah, I lost an eye; not like I can't take one off of my next victim to replace it!" they both chuckled. Cole turned to Mandy* and said "hey faggot, go off and get the medics…it's time to see if we can do that mind-control thing again on this fool!" he nodded and trotted out the room.

As soon as Mandy left the building, Cole said "when I get a chance, I am going to slit that bastard's throat; he tried to touch my ass."

(elsewhere, at the F.O.T's base….)

"a doobie, to the great caped crusader: BATMAN!" lolschild said as his men cheered for batman, whose eyes were blood red from smoking a 60 pound bag of weed. Price was face palming the entire ceremony, and he was excessively relieved as it ended.

He and batman followed the elder, who was talking about "the greatest thing they had to show to them before they left"…frankly, price thought it was going to be an under-ground crackhouse, and he was thoroughly shocked when lolschild opened the door to a MASSIVE laboratory, which housed an equally large robot.

Lolschild to price and batman, then proudly said "this is the fraternity's biggest project: liberty pie!"

Price, stunned, said "is that thing operational?" before lolschild could respond, batman looked at him and said "oh, yeah…I saw this thing get used a few years ago; pinkie pie had her brain tapped into this thing, and did some crazy shit for Rictofen….I always thought this thing was a…helicopter."

Lolschild looked at batman with disbelief and said "you SAW this unit operational! As in, IN COMBAT!" batman nodded and said "yeah….it kicked ass, but then some asshole in a tank and a nuke took it out; I didn't know it survived." Lolschild nodded and said "well, could you possibly talk to the unit's A.I? it claims it doesn't know anyone here, and refuses to activate the unit." Batman nodded and gave a raspy chain-smoker laugh as he sat down at the computer in front of the hulking robot.

He pressed a button, and the A.I typed

"_Hi! Is that you Mr. lolschild? Did you find any of my friends?"_

Lolschild pointed to a mike on the computer and told batman to talk into it; batman nodded and said "ah..ok, uh, hi pinkie…it's me, batman, I just wanted to see how things are going for you and stuff, uh…"

The computer typed back _"OH BATMAN! It's been so long, I would hug you, but my arms are offline…want me to restart them to hug you?"_ batman glanced up and the huge robot's arms, then quickly said "well, no thanks; I kinda am…SICK! Yeah, sick; being sick won't allow you to throw parties, mind you, so please for the love of god, don't hug me."

The pinkie 2.0 laughed through the speakers of the lab and said "well, I can use the audio in this lab, but for some odd reason, I can only say what that boring old robot is programmed to say, so I can't use his speakers!"

Lolschild was excited; the robot was slowly powering up, and with only a few distortions in the audio files, everything looked perfect. Batman cleared this throat and said "well, my good buddy lolschild wants you to power on, and do some jobs for him, could you do that, for me pinkie?" she chuckled and snorted twice, then said "sure thing! I'll be sure to have a party when I get into battle!"

Batman noted this pinkie was more combat oriented; he remembered it was because Rictofen had her mind inter-twined with the combat systems. As he was about to say something else, the robot's eye slit lit up, and through its hidden speakers blasted:

_LIBERTY PIE IS ONLINE: ALL SYSTEMS GREEN…WEAPONS: HOT….MISSION, THE LIBERATION OF ANY AND ALL EQUESTRIANS FROM RED CHINESE AGGRESSORS!_

_CHANCE OF MISSION FAILURE: 0%!_

Everybody in the lab cheered; they now had the silver bullet to save Equestria. Just as lolschild was about to congratulate batman, a voice blared over the P.A:

"_ALERT! HUB military backed by heavy armor and éclair assisted forces are approaching the base, all units, say again, ALL units go to Retcon 1! "_

As the men ran to suit up for battle, lolschild looked at the robot and said "pinkie, we have a job for you to do; hold still so we can bring you to the surface!" the robot replied "AFFIRMATIVE" as the elevator began to bring it to the surface.

Lolschild handed price a GDI RKKD(XSRS) sniper rifle, and an M60-E4 to batman and said "you boys head for the surface; you need to see the first run of liberty prime while I suit up in my ZONE armor." Batman nodded a pulled a still-stunned price up to the surface, who couldn't believe batman had a purpose in the world.

As the elevator brought the duo to the surface, the doors opened, revealing a blood-red sky, with F4's and GDI firehawks engaging NOD basilisks, NVA MiG-21's, and HUB Pegasus squadrons. In the center of the base's courtyard, liberty prime was being shot at by one of the basilisks; batman was yelling at a missile squad to do something when liberty pie looked up at the NOD ship and declared "_THE LAST DOMINO FALLS HERE!"_ then obliterated the ship with successive blasts from its testa cannons and began to walk out of the gate.

A few seconds later, ground armored units began to pour out of underground bunkers, with everything in their arsenal, ranging from rugged M-60 Patton tanks, to a GDI "M.A.R.V"s. price saw a modified MBT with "predator" emblazoned on the side stop right next to them, and lolschild popped out of the hatch; he looked at them and said "hop inside! I'll get ya to the front lines!"

Price, followed by batman piled into the tank; it was surprisingly roomy for such a compact unit. Lolschild shut and locked the hatch, then signaled to the driver and loader to go. The loader grabbed a shell and yelled "LOADING HEAT…..WEAPON UP!" and the tank lurched forward, picking up speed.

Lolschild had batman sit in the gunner's seat, and had price operate the remote MG turret on the roof while he controlled the tank unit's COM chatter; batman watched in awe as liberty pie tore up any and all "red Chinese" it ran into, with even the massive "M.A.R.V" rallying behind it. He watched as the tank 3 units ahead of him explode as a MiG dropped an iron bomb on it, followed by strafing HIND gunships.

Batman acquired his target an unloaded the co-ax .50 on it, and he must have hit that hind where it hurt, because after a long burst, it spun out of control and crashed in a fireball that _battlefield 3 _couldn't even make. The tank got shaken around as the M.A.R.V opened fire on a line of black battlewalkers outlined as "avatars" on the tank's HUD, and watched as the massive tank chew them up.

His attention got back to the area ahead of him as shells exploded by the tank; he was T-54's rolling over the horizon; the loader wiped his brow and said "my chi is mad focused yo!" as batman let the 147-MM go, and utterly destroy the lead tank. Lolschild looked through the room hatch and said "batman, after this line of éclair tanks, I'm dropping you off with our 15th rifleman unit, they need the morale booster like you, because those HUB commandos, and "pony-zombies" are pushing them back slowly; that's how these T-54's got past them."

Price and batman nodded/grunted as a reply, flinching every now-and-then from the shockwave of the predator's massively possible tank cannon. The T-54'S soon were pushed aside by the GDI tanks, and lolschild pulled over about 30 feet behind a major firefight; lolschild pointed to the guys in green and said "give them morale support, caped crusader!" and shut the tanks hatch, and rolled off thoe face another incoming line of tanks.

Batman held his M-60 with one hand, and his doobie cannon with the other and heading straight into battle; price was close behind him with his sniper rifle. As he ran up to the lines, a sergeant yelled "LOOK! IT'S HIM! WERE SAVED GUYS, c'mon, DO THE FINAL PUSH!" batman fulfilled his wishes by pulling the trigger on his M-60, firing with one hand as his doobie cannon fired out super-heated anti-personal blunts, all while batman was grunting death metal style, saying "_JUST LIKE WE DID IT BACK IN_ _NAM…NAM…NAM..NAM...NAM...NAM" _

The enemy was utterly terrified of this person, who apparently wanted to "NAM" them up for dinner, and turned tail, and broke for the hills, while there zombie ponies covered there retreat. One of the zombies trying to tackle batman, but was promptly decapitated by a 7.62-MM doobie.

Very soon, batman was standing on a gory pile of dead HUB troopers, with his still-smoking M-60 over his shoulder; a bright flash caught his attention as the sergeant he first saw took a picture of him posing in the breeze on the pile of dead HUB and said "boy, someone is gonna make a statue out of this!"

Price, who was quick-scoping the entire battle, walked up to batman and said "I guess I called you a Muppet to soon; the names john by the way" and shook batman's hand. Batman nodded in approval and said "I would have used this M-60 a bit more, but it sounds like it used the audio files from _black-ops…._IT SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING CHEESE GRATER."

Price laughed; maybe batman could be a big help in saving Equestria.

A/N: don't lie; you know that battle was fuckin' badass.

Ok, on the first note, one of my reviewers (Xo da true critter XoXo) said that "tanks couldn't have a 147-MM HEAT loaded in them"; yes, they can….being a gun/weapon nut, I can name a tank back in the 60's armed with a 147-MM cannon: the Sheridan light tank. Now, flash forward, GDI is like, 60 years ahead, so a 147 on a MBT isn't that hard, plus I remember the C&C wiki talking about that being the predator's main gun. Just clearing the weapons up.

Well, Mendez has been captured! What will happen to him! To an extent, that's for you to decide; I have an idea on what's gonna happen, but anyone reading can give an idea up on the table; I always take suggestions!

As for batman, you know him only too well, so NAMNAMNAM isn't something you wouldn't see him not saying that.

Holy fuck I thought of a new internet meme:

NAM CAT.

Well, R&R buddies

Oh, and for those who want to read a good thing, here's the link to my fallout story:

s/7721440/1/FALLOUT_Texas

have a good one!


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: this chapter wasn't easy during dev….i was sick as shit, and could barely see straight cause' a was coughing up a storm, I hope you guys like this, I will try harder after what's left of my cough goes away. Also, fuck SOPA.

Chapter 15: left 4 Equestria

Marcus and incestia had made good time to canterlot, avoiding HUB patrols that now patrolled back roads leading anywhere; she was right, there was a invasion…what caught Marcus by surprise was that ridinoff hadn't gotten an army together and leveled the countryside…according to Mendez, a few years ago, a griffon with a captured GDI Handgun went into the stalliongrad outskirts…according to nuclear scientists, the area should be livable without radiation in 400 years, considering how many nukes hit that area by ridinoff's airforce.

Marcus pointed at the hill in front of them and said "canterlot should be over this hill, but since there are no trees or anything to cover our approach, we will go in after the sun sets in a few minutes. Incestia sat down and nodded, while Marcus pulled out some binoculars to watch over the road.

(short time later….)

Incestia looked at Marcus and said "so…I really do look good now?" Marcus, still looking in his binoculars said "yeah…you look cool, with the flowing mane and what-not." Incestia then said "no…I asked if I look good, not cool; you know, like pretty!"

Marcus tensed up upon hearing that; he knew of a certain alicorn that asked him that once. He sighed and said "I really am not the person to ask about that…it's not right (in my culture) to like things not of my species." Incestia smiled and said "you aren't on earth anymore, and you're the only human on Equestria that came from your time-period."

Marcus shook his head and said "god….you want me to give a Mendez rating about your LOOKS?" she nodded. He sighed and said "ok, in Mendez terms you look good…no, you look HOT…..ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!" she shook her head and said "keep going…." he muttered "fuck" as he went on "ok…you look…dear god, why me…..you look fuckable…now hand me my pistol before someone puts this in a story or something!"

Incestia gave off little giggle watching Marcus's face turn cherry red; the sun had gone down now, and just as she was about to needle him, a loud roar filled the night. Marcus's face turned white as he heard this; he turned back to her and said "we need to move. NOW."

As he said that, a pony covered in horrid black lumps, with eyes colored blood red shambled out of the bushes; it looked at them and gave a bone-chilling roar, then started charging them. Marcus reached in his EMERGENCY weapon stash and pulled out a sawed-off double barrel shotgun, as well as a chainsaw.

He leveled the gun with the zombies head, and promptly turned it into bloody pulp. He tossed the chainsaw to incestia and said "use your magic to hold this, and aim for the head!" he slung back around and saw more zombies pouring out of the brush, and started firing like a madman at their heads. A zombie tapped on his shoulder, then tackled him to the ground, it's teeth about to dig into his neck; it would off, but after incestia swung her saw, it didn't even have a torso.

Marcus yelled "QUICK! FOLLOW ME, WERE MAKING A BREAK FOR CANTERLOT!" and broke out in a dead run across the field. Incestia flew up next to him and said "or if you hopped on my back and rode me, we could just fly there…I have wings, you know?" Marcus responded by jumping and grabbing on to her back, then flicking her off.

(meanwhile, somewhere in a dungeon….)

"_so, Mendez….when the covenant brainwashed you…what did they do?"_

Mendez opened his eyes; he must have been out for a while. He looked around, and saw he was tied to a torture chair, and on a table next to him were syringes full off strange liquids. He looked around and saw TV screens all around him, with numbers flashing on them; Mendez looked at the glass window in the other side of the room and yelled "WHO ARE YOU! WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

The voice responded _"Equestria. That's all we ever wanted!"_

Behind the glass, Cole turned the mic off and said "Cloudjumper…this isn't going to work…we are sending mendy into Equestria posing as him; you can stay here and try to make him talk…as well as de-moralize the elements of harmony." She gave him a look and said "and that's why women are superior to men…we don't give up all the time, all the more reason why your lowly gender should BOW BEFORE US!"

Cole rolled his eyes and said "I'll do that…right after you make me a samich."

She growled at him as the door slammed; she turned the mic back on and said "so…tell me a bit about your friend Marcus, as well as your relationship to the elements of harmony"

Mendez looked down and said "Marcus…he's my best friend…always wanted to the best for me…then as for the elements, I hate rarity, I am fully devoted to rainbow dash, twilight told me to get a job, pinkie is fucking crazy, AJ doesn't want to get with me…which pisses me off, Fluttershy is emo."

Cloudjumper wrote this down on her notepad…she cloud use the info to re-set and activate his mind-control the covenant put in his head years ago, and then have him kill the elements, and stop Marcus.

She pressed the button to electrocute him then said "I need more information on them!" Mendez, withering in pain said "GO TO HELL COVIE!"

As she turned the amps up on the power, she knew that this torture was going to be fun.

(back in canterlot…)

Marcus and incestia were trying their best to lose the zombies, but to no avail; they seemed to know what they were going to do 2 steps before they did it! They dropped anything they didn't need as they sprinted up the front steps of the castle, the maddening moan of the undead ringing behind them. There sprint through the castle was brief, and they soon found themselves running to the top area of the castle: the tower (GASP, A TOWER AT TOP? Did not see that coming)

As they hurried up the steps, the sound of a CZSH's safety caught their attention: standing in a pool of blood, was princess luna. Luna quickly whisked them over the large gap in the stairs, and shut the door leading outside, barring it with metal. She turned to marcus and said "are there back-up troops coming! We are running low on ammo and food!" marcus looked at her and said "answer this first: aren't you supposed to be nightmare moon right now?"

Luna looked down and said "well, are more guys coming?"

"no."

Marcus rolled his eyes and said "so are you saying you're not nightmare moon?"

"no."

Ridinoff, still holding his wounds leaned up from the bed and said "am I going to kick you flanks when I get up? YES! NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME DIE!" incestia walked over to ridinoff, and against his will, began the long process of healing whilst Marcus explained what he knew of the invasion to the princess "…so they replaced the elements of harmony, and from what you said, the evil nightmare killed the old you, and there was also an evil ridinoff….very strange."

Luna shook her head and said "but…now we are trapped here, and going to die most likely, since we are all fucked, who's that alicorn that came with you?" Marcus looked at incestia and said "oh, she is the supposed ruler of "the hub", and was sent here on a mission to overthrow the princess…however, she refused to do that and helped me and Mendez." She gave him a strange look and said "incestia? Ok, I don't want to know, I really don't."

Marcus rolled his eyes as he grabbed his radio, and set it up; he sat down and began transmitting:

"_this is Marcus waters, of the UNSC….myself and a few others are trapped in canterlot….Mendez if you can hear this, get help here as soon as possible, and if anyone who is loyal to the princess can hear this, we need EVAC to a safe location; all of Equestria is in grave danger!"_

He set the radio to repeat the message as he went over to check up on ridinoff; he hoped to god that someone answered his call.

A/N: this chapter (I bet) has millions of typing errors…I will make it up by loving you long time and getting busy on the next chapter, which will be epic as they begin hopping dimensions and fighting off testamorphs!

Review for a sick man, please.


	16. Chapter 16

Authors note: holy fuck, I am so sorry this chapter is later than normal; my good buddy codename one along with 3derp got me irreversibly hooked on mass effect; last weekend, I racked up 42 game play hours….i abused coffee…lots of it….THEN, on Monday, I pre-ordered mass effect 3 (collector's edition; so, you mad codename one?)(inside joke)

Also, tali is the only normal person male Sheppard can have a relationship with; Miranda is perfect, so she's emo about it, jack is a crazy bitch, but tali actually is NORMAL, hence, Sheppard had FUCK with her.

Also, mass effect gave me an idea on the hub's final plan to invade equestria (and the galaxy) so this game sped up my plans. Lasty, In recent times, I re-read my first stoy; it was f'n funny, but my later stories seemed to be less fun, less random…well, I will change that.

Before you read, thank skycrusher for this chapter being released; it was the most I could do because I borrowed some money from him (to buy mass effect 2)(I borrowed my current ME2 from 3derp)

BUT WHY RAMBLE ABOUT SHIT YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT!

READ THE CHPATERS!1

Chapter 16: GET TO DAH CHOPPA!

The radio op turned to the PA system and said "ELDER! Get down here with batman, we got a situation!"

The trio quickly ran down the stairs, and into the AWAC room; the op turned to them and said "you'd better hear this, and see if we should respond. The elder nodded and turned the message to speaker for batman and price to hear:

"_this is Marcus waters, of the UNSC….myself and a few others are trapped in canterlot….Mendez if you can hear this, get help here as soon as possible, and if anyone who is loyal to the princess can hear this, we need EVAC to a safe location; all of Equestria is in grave danger!"_

The op looked at them and said "that's all there is…the message just repeats!"

The elder turned to batman and said "it's your call…what do you think?" batman looked at him and said "get 3 helicopters…1 transport for EVAC, a UH-1 gunship for me, and a support chopper armed with a M-146, but has space for EVAC as well; do you think you can pull that up in 30 minutes?"

The elder nodded and said "whatever you say, batman….but when I get these things, tell me what you're thinking." Batman nodded as he left the room; price turned to him and said "lemme guess….ever since I was forced to work with you, you never shut up about "back in nam" even though you've never been there…so, then I see you get 3 UH helicopters, and I now see you holding a copy of CCR, and "ride of the valkyries…I'm not going to like this plan, aren't I?"

At this point, batman was smoking a pound of grass, and said "well, yes…back in nam, we chain-smoked…and killed people if they liked hippies..did I mention smoking?" price shook his head and said "..after this is done, I think I'll go back to a feral lifestyle again, screaming SOAP! And attacking people in random places; maybe those bastards spamming the "Jason" movies will make one about me…."

He rolled his eyes and sighed; batman was now stoned out the ass, quoting full metal jacket; he listened to the distress signal, and decided: no matter what happens, this world hinges on any info we can find; this may be the last link to fighting the hub.

(Elsewhere, in the hub….)

Cloudjumper had been at this for hours; the DRUGZ had slowly chipped away at his mind, while the mental torture the AI program "collector" was destroying his morale; if her guesses were correct, Mendez would soon be very vulnerable to mental suggestion, and hence brainwashing .

She got back up and walked to the window overlooking the torture room; as she walked up to the window, the metal chair that was supposed to be bolted to the floor flew at the window, putting a huge crack across it. She nervously peered into the room and saw the inside of it being torn apart by Mendez, who was still under affects of the "serums" he had been given.

He reached over to the "white noise" generator, and began the broadcast to Mendez "for too long, you have been shunned, hurt…your form is fragile…we are your ascension to greatness, and to do such, you must prove yourself….the pain ends where our help and attention begins."

Her monitors told her that his mind was beginning to accept the suggestions she was inserting.

(just down the hall…)

Dash's captors had made 1 mistake when they captured her:

They left what was left of her armor on.

She knew her friends where to "shell-shocked" to help in this break, but she had it under control; for a few days, she had watched as they had guard rotation…every hour past 12 had just 1 guy covering the cell. for days, she had been slowly, but surely attempting to look like jailbait to 1 guard at the 6:00 PM shift…tonight, she would invite him into her cell, kill him, and free her friends.

What she would do after that depended on how far she got.

She walked to the barrier at the cell door and said in a whorish voice (it's a word, I swear to Canadian Jesus) "hey…you look tired from standing up, wanna lay down…with me?" the guard, whose face was covered in a black visor said "oh, yeah…I'll give you a proper thrashing!"

Dash glanced over and noticed the shocked looks on their faces; maybe she should have told them her plan, but it could wait.

As the guard walked in, and shut the cell door, she waited until he was in point-blank range. The guard took his helmet off and said "I'll be rough…make It look like a interrogation or something." Dash smiled, and activated the combat suit's CAWS system, causing it to fire a 2-shell shotgun unit into the guard's chest.

Dash had to smile at the stunned look on the guards face as he slumped to the floor; it was a sort of funny only a twisted bastard could laugh at, but some did (blackburncoughcough)

She opened the cell doors on the block, effectively freeing her friends.

As her friends ran up to embrace her, twilight said "thank god you had a plan….i thought you betrayed us for the hub!" dash looked at her and said "no…I would never betray you, and my only love (at this point) is Mendez, and I know he's in trouble again, somewhere in this base!"

As the 6 walked down the hall, the door at the opposite end of the area slammed forward, almost off the hinges; a voice on the PA said "I see you have broken free…well, no guard will try to catch you, but an old friend of yours will!"

At that time, the door at the other end got slammed out of it's spot, revealing Mendez, drooling with a crazed look on his face; he looked like something kicked his ass. Dash, with a stunned look on her face said "MENDEZ! Are you allright?"

He looked at her, and gave a feral howl, then charged them.

As dash opened fire with a dead guards gun, keeping Mendez pinned as her friends made a break for the door; this mission had just become a whole world harder.

(back in Equestria….)

The 3 choppers flew effortlessly (word?) over the landscape; frankly, price was excessively happy canterlot was just ahead..batman kept telling stories about nam….whether it was about faulty cans of lube, to broken AK-47's, batman came up with the weirdest set of bullshit the world would most likely ever see.

He looked at the map, then looked back up; canterlot should be over this next hill….he did notice some smoke rising, and that never boded well for the most part.

As they flew over the hill, a console in the helicopter beeped and said _"warning: missile lock, evasion required, deploying IR flares…..deployed."_ he looked down and saw several SAM's follow the flares, the rest batman evaded by jinking the chopper. He looked at EVAC-2 who was flying on their left side; as he was about to ping them on the radio, a SAM slammed into it, and it began to spin out of control.

Batman put his doobie down and gave a menacing look to the incoming missiles; he then yelled "BARREL ROLL!" and pulled the chopper's stick sharply to the left, flinging anything not tied down around as he rolled the helicopter to avoid the second wave of missiles…all this would have been fine and dandy, but price wasn't wearing a seat belt, and was being thrown all over the chopper's cabin.

A voice on the radio crackled "this is EVAC 1, what the hell are you doing? You know we have plenty of flares to stop SAMs!" batman suddenly had a violent war flashback, as he screamed "STEP 8 COMRADE! FREEDOM!" and shot down EVAC-1 with the dual miniguns.

Price screamed "WHAT THE FUCK! You shot one of the transports!"

Batman hit him up the side of the head with salami and said "LOOK AT MY SAUSAGE, AND HEREMEROAR!" he leaned his head out the window and fired a lazor out of his mouth while yelling "BAAAAAH!"

The chopper they were in was spiraling out of control now, because batman was flying like a nutcase; as the LZ they were supposed to land at neared while they were about to crash, price covered his eyes; this was going to be messy.

(a few seconds later…)

Price opened his eyes, and to much of his surprise, they were alive, and had landed perfectly; batman was holding his head, looking at the package of pot he had smoked and said "damn…this shit had LSD….i think this stuff was a gift from robo-pinkie or something….fuck man…" price rolled his eyes as he got out of the chopper, and opened the door on the tower.

He walked in and turned on the lights, and upon doing that, he heard the safeties of at least 6 weapons go off, as well as voice saying "stand down guys, he's not one of—OH SHIT, IT'S CAPTAIN PRICE, OPEN FIRE!"

Price ducked behind a wall as bullets whizzed past him; he yelled to batman "MAN DOWN!"

Batman popped out of the chopper and said MaN DoWn! We GoTtA mAn DoWn! MaN dOwNnNnNn! GrEnAaAaAaAdE!

Batman ran up to price and said "I don't think they like you." Price grabbed a smoking doobie out of his mouth, and tossed it into the room; the shooting subsided, and was replaced with coughing, and several ponies and a human running out of the room, with their hands up.

The human looked up and said "don't kill us...we gotta get some—wait, is that batman?"

Batman spoke up and said "he's with me….and, is it a drug trip, or is this my old friend marcus?"

Marcus spoke up and said "but…you died on the moon! How did you live!" he smiled and said "divine intervention…but we have no time to talk here, we need to get you out of here before I call an airstrike to cleanse this sector."

Marcus nodded and signaled the ponies to follow him; price was impressed; 2 alicorns, and an earth pony…they could be useful.

Maybe his mission would actually work now.

A/N: ok the "MaN DoWN" part if a reference to a funny-ass GMOD video called "the mysteries of legion and friends" it's good to watch even if you don't understand mass effect; think of GMOD idiot box with a funny ass cast. And cripples (joker) getting pushed down stairs and shot in the leg, or LEGION dancing to "my fire" by X-TREME

Well, I now need to post a new chapter to FO:TX, so you bastards leave a review, hit me up, we get drunk together! Maybe go bowling-DAMIT ROMAN! I LEAVE TO TAKE A SHIT, YOU START TYPING AUTHOR'S NOTES!

Well, before I forget, as a reply to SON OF A BITCH () it's great to know you've been following my sotry; I enjoy making people smile, and that's the sole purpose of FFE, by nature.

-_logging out: commander blackburn_


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: this chapter came out early as a peace offering to skycrusher because in school, we were working on a project that I kept fucking up (it was an architecture program, and I crashed it because I put like 3 million trees clustered around the house floor plan)

Well, this chapter is the beginning of a mission of epic proportions, I will finish my sentence in the bottom author's note.

Chapter 17: suicide mission with benefits

The elder looked at the mission report and sighed "ok…so, I could understand losing 1 chopper…2 is more than I expected; then you ask me to carpet bomb canterlot, and give derpy pot…..this was a bad idea." A gray Pegasus flew up puffing a blunt and said "just just don't know what went wrong!"

The elder rolled his eyes and said "Jesus….you made yourself into a meme that way, so be quiet before someone makes a "muffins/cupcakes" slashfic about you or something. As derpy flew out in a cloud of smoke, the elder turned back to batman and said "so…who did you save, and why are the rolls of film from the last part of the flight log gone?"

Batman twiddled his thumbs and said "we saved Marcus waters, princess Luna, victor ridinoff, and a Equestria friendly alicorn from the hub named incestia….as for the footage from the mission, when I had to take it out, I dropped it off a random 1000 foot drop on accident. I swear it wasn't because I shot down one of the helicopters…not that I did or anything….."

The elder looked at him real hard, and gave a look that killed 1000 kittens and said:

YOU…WHAT…ok, your story checks out; well, let's go meet the new VIP's."

Batman looked at the back of his pants, then said "I'll catch up with you in a minute; I think I soiled my batboxers for reasons I can't mention…

The elder shrugged as he headed down to the lab where the VIP's were resting; as he entered the room, he had to ask himself: how the fuck did batman find a group like this?

We had princess Luna hovering over the wounded earth pony, who had a small arsenal clutched in his hooves; the human was having a argument with a tech, and the other alicorn was meditating on a chair in the corner room. The elder walked up to the human and said "hello, I am elder lolschild, of the F.O.T….are you Marcus waters?"

Marcus stopped yelling at the tech, and said "yes…now would you kindly explain, elder, WHY YOUR MEN TOOK MY GUNS AND ARMOR?" the elder facepalmed and said "well….i guess we should have told you before the techs ripped the armor off your body…ok, we know the hub is invading Equestria, and we are going to have you and your friends go on a "suicide mission" into the hub, and stop them any way you can; so we are upgrading your armor and weapons…you will make them your BEECHES with what we aill give you!"

Marcus gave him a disbelifing look and said "yeah…ok, what are you going to do with my guns, and will I be given some new weapons? And what about my armor?" the elder held up a sheet and said "you should read this"

Marcus took a look on the sheet and read:

Current weapon REDUX for UNSC gear/ and new heavy weapons for test use to be issued:

M6FMG(A)1- a fully-automatic 12.7 (50-C) handgun turned stabilized machine pistol, despite being selective fire, it still is best to be used in CQC; FMG tears through light armor and shields, but is less effective against flesh…however, massive ROF (600 RPM) makes up for that

MA5B(M)USWA3- taking the old gen-2 MA5 and turning it into a good accurate gun wasn't too tough…but it wouldn't do for the mission Marcus was facing; the engineers upgraded it to fit LMG role, with advancements like no other: the ammo counter and the MA5 was "modded" making it into a hyper-advanced ACOG sight, giving up to 4x zoom, with SMART ammo counters in the lower corner.

A 60 round mag was fine, but the 7.62 weapon needed more punch, so the techs gave it a 250 round "double sack" not unlike that of the still-prototypical MG-36; ROF was also a concern…the MA5 recently used during the first equestrian incursion had a ROF of 700-880 RPM…after the techs put in a advanced heavy barrel to increase accuracy and heat reduction; this allows the USW to have a rate (at minimum) of 2700+ RPM with little to no barrel heat rating beyond unit damage levels (meaning no nasty mid-battle barrel change is required, which can be life or death in the thick of battle)

Lastly, to stabilize the weapon, the techs integrated a bi-pod into the weapon frame, seamlessly blending in with the weapons frame (in the spot where the standard issue flashlight should be). It also has a foregrip as well for on the go gunners; this weapon is a revolution in LSW's, LMG's, and GPMG's.

The unnamed prototype auto-shotgun that Marcus captured at the UNSC post has been finally dubbed SSAS-A3(MK1) 17-MM (MAS) (name meaning "specialist service automatic shotgun (augmentation 3, mark 1) 17 millimeter (multi intake ammunition system)" quite a mouthful, indeed. Call it SAS or A3 to make it simple)

it was based off of the MA5 frame, and the techs liked how the UNSC weapon shared the tried-and-true MA5 internal working; the techs loved it, but the thought that 12 gauge didn't have the "CQC" they thought would be useful in this suicide mission…so they re-chambered it to fire 17-MM rounds, which with the right ammo, can tear holes in medium tank armor. It can fire slugs, buckshot, dragon's breath, FRAG, and new "nail gun" flechette rounds, that due to the 17MMx51MM round puts heat expanding rods (flechettes) into it; the rods expand using tech found in old "brute spikers" and make the rods be 1.5 feet long at just five feet from the barrel…this sounds terrifying, but shows that max power for those rounds are not at point blank range, though still powerful at such a range. Due to the large nature of the round, experimental recoil reduction must be employed so the sure does not break his arm off with the 300 RPM it has. Also, the shell size causes rare gun jams at times; if such a problem happens, hope your pistol is loaded.

HEAVY WEAPONS:

MK7-MPAA(SFEP) 100-MM DERP (deluxe explosive rocket package)

A simple rocket platform with multiple types of fire-modes, ranging from "top-down" strikes, to hi-velo free fire; it makes shit go boom.

X-3 (black hole railgun) an experimental weapon of mass destruction, it uses magnetically cased "element zero" captured from a abandoned FTL drive; uses railgun to launch it, and when it hits its target, it creates a small wormhole on the battlefield sucking enemy's to oblivion. This weapon's plans were discovered in an attaché case in the everfree, and they were most likely transported there during 2572, just before the second battle for Equestria happened; the case contained the design for the 100-MM DERP rocket, the X-3, and the schematics for the sham-wow warhead.

Only 1 shot for X-3 exists.

He put the paper down and said "that's insane…..these weapons actually…sound good; you guys aren't going to pull a UNSC and balance the weapons or something, are you?" the elder looked at him and said "we make guns kill shit….in the most gory ways possible, dude. What do you think?"

Marcus shrugged and said "I think I need my armor back."

The elder shook his head and said "well, I guess I can't stall your surprise anymore; what the techs are doing is making your body-armor get converted into power armor, much like T-51b or ZONE armor…making you GOD on the battlefield." Marcus shook his head and said "just give me my armor back; it kept me going through 2 different battles for Equestria, it should be good enough for this."

The elder glanced at him and said "well….i don't know, this is will be the heartland of the worst enemy…we have seen their military might, and the only thing keeping us up has been liberty pie!"

Marcus's eyes went blank as he said "liberty pie? What have I missed in the past years….dear god, this IS worse than the time Mendez hit on the admirals wife, and caused them to divorce, so hood blamed me as the CO and shipped me to the _James Lawrence_!" the elder shrugged and said "I have a great many things to tell you; so let's start whilst we head to the armor lab…"

(about 7 minutes of "back in nam'" stories later…)

"so…we figure if a HUB variant of the league of badasses exists, we need armor to counter the strongest thing we have….that were your armor comes in!" the elder smiled as he opened the lab door and said "and here is your armor; enjoy!"

Marcus looked on a platform in the center of the room and gasped: his old, beaten up ODST armor was seamlessly fused into a power armor suit; it had mostly ZONE armor fused into it, but noticeable T-51b parts stood out on the legs. A tech walked up and said "I can help you suit up in a second; I just need to program the suits cup holders to serve as CQC weapons."

The elder tapped Marcus on the shoulder and said "well, while they finish up on your armor, who were the ponies you brought with you?" as Marcus finished feeling his armor in erotic ways, he said "there's princess Luna, best pony in canterlot, victor ridinoff, biggest hard-ass in Equestria, and incestia, hottest piece of ass- I mean, class in the hub."

As the techs began putting his armor on him, the elder began to review the battle plan.

(meanwhile, somewhere deep below the earth in the hub…)

The overlord walked down the dark halls; this room had be shut for millennia's; it housed the most unstable league of assholes member; one whose power rivaled that of the fabled chain-smoker batman.

As he predded the button to open the cyro chamber, he put the full bottle of LSD/PCP/four loko on the alter in front of it. As the figure fell out of the chamber, it looked up, snorted the whole bottle and screamed in an ultra-hyper voice "HI KIDS! IT'S MOTHAFUCKING SPIDERMAN!"

The overlord smiled as he said "I got you a fix…but I need you to do some work for us…" Spiderman responded by bouncing all over the walls snorting coke, and yelling "GUESS WHERE THIS STREAM OF WHITE STUFF IS COMING FROMLOLOLOLOLOLOLO-"

The overlord facepalmed and muttered "was this really worth it?"

A/N: yes…spiderman is hooked on LSD; think of pinkie pie, only annoying as shit, and hyped up on LSD/crack/coffee.

Well, as I was saying: this will be a mission of epic proportions; what is happening to celestia? Will the mane 6 escape a crazed brainwashed Mendez again? Why does Blackburn have a boner for mass effect 2, and by extension, a boner for tali'zorah? What will the F.O.T do to save equestria?

All this and more, next time on:

FIGHT FOR EQUESTRIA: FRIENDSHIP IS IRONIC.

IN THEATERS NEAR YOU IN ABOUT NEVER…

REVIEW AND I WILL STOP ALL CAPS!

*turian pushes Blackburn aside*

"Oh, we talking about tali? Wait here Blackburn, so I can calibrate DAT ASS!"

*pulls out .44 tarus*

"garrus….give me the fucking keyboard, and leave tali alone; I get strange ass dreams as it stands!"

Sorry guys….that fucking turian breaks in ever since I helped him kill sidonis; he won't leave me alone now!


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: I used to be on time for chapters, but then I took a skyrim to the knee; I was busy pissing around with like 8 different games, as well as 2 plots hoes—I mean, hoels..fuck, I can't spell right now; well, I found a way to destroy plot holes and make em' funny….you'll see this chapter. Also, I am going to reference codename one's story in this chapter; try and see if you can find it/them.

Chapter 18: FIGHT FOR THE REICH!- I mean, I Equestria.

The elder pointed at a excessively large dry erase board on loan from the EDF and said "this section of the desert is a black zone; we have no idea what is there, or what we are up against for the most part…however, we do have maps of it from GPS reports a few years back." He pressed a large button, and displayed a large map on the holo-screen, pointed and said "…this section Marcus has seen before, the old "ascension" rocket base; it was presumably destroyed, however…and this area over here was where a large tiberiuem vein appeared…we have reason to believe the HUB and/or éclair forces have set up a hidden base in there; the other places of interest include a piece of a crashed scrin ship, and a impact crater a few miles from it that has the same signal as a active portal."

Ridinoff leaned forward and asked "what's the plan? We split up, or spearhead it?"

The elder pointed to batman and said "well, It's up to the caped crusader, he got the plan!" everyone's head swung to a half-stoned batman sleeping on the light fixtures; someone threw a small rock, knocking him from his perch, then hitting the ground in a rather un-graceful _splat_. Batman crawled up, and wandered to the board and erased everything on it; he grabbed 6 markers and began scribbling like a madman.

Everyone except Marcus watched eagerly as he stepped back, revealing a PERFECT sketch of commander Sheppard; Marcus facepalmed as he stood up and went for the holo-map and said "…or we could have the armor units backed up by batman, price, and liberty pie attack the supposed stronghold, then have me and incestia head to the portal to infiltrate the hub, and lastly ridinoff and luna will investigate the scrin ship and ascension to see if anything still stands; after that, they will be tasked with putting down the evil elements of harmony….how does that sound?"

A guy wearing a nazi outfit stood up and screamed "WE WILL GIVE OUR LIVES FOR THE FURER!"

Another guy will sunglasses looked at his watch and said "well, fuck me, I'd better get home!" and flew out the window.

A familiar purple dragon holding a doobie said "that's far out, bro." and took a puff of the pot to prove a point.

Everyone's jaw dropped as ridinoff said "SPIKE! WHERE..how…uhh, HOW DOES THIS WORK INTO THE PLOT BLACKBURN!" a large flash of light and a figure clad in full-body armor holding a smoking MP-412 REX appeared and said "yeah, sorry guys I was busy with some other shit for the past few weeks, so I pulled quantum bullshit and saved spike from some shit going down in the hub…"

Marcus walked up to him and said "YOU! I've seen you before….you have the power of a league of badasses member, yet I've never seen you before in the 5th dimension. Why?"

Blackburn pimp-slapped him and said "I WAS SAVING ANOTHER MARCUS IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE YOU ASSHOLE!"

bison randomly walked into the room and said "of course!"

Marcus shook his head and said "this doesn't make any sense…can you go now before weird shit happens again?" Blackburn shook his head and said "nope….i have a short job to do in this universe…namely, destroying some plot-holes left open by my last story, so just ignore me for now."

Blackburn then tossed some C-12 onto the wall, blowing open a hole large enough in it for him to fly off to wherever he was going; as he left, the M.B etched into the sights of the REX glistened in the sunlight.

Marcus shook his head as he picked up his gear and said "I'm heading out to the portal, you guys better get a move on." Ridinoff pointed to spike and said "but, what does he know? Blackburn said he knew something!" spike nodded with red-rimmed eyes and said "Mendez has been captured by the hub, and a fake Mendez is coming to canterlot to wait for you…oh, and real Mendez has been brainwashed again to kill the real elements of harmony, and is chasing them across the hub."

Incestia looked at him and said "what will you do about the fake Mendez?" before Marcus could answer, the elder rolled up with a unnaturally perfect and said "you say he's in canterlot, huh?"

(meanwhile, in canterlot…)

Mendy was sitting on a bench reading _better evil hideouts and gardens: insane couples edition with Lindsey lohan _when a loud rumbling filled the sky; he looked up and saw a large green mass of UH-1 gunships, being lead by _nyan cat's_ older brother, _back in nam' cat_. On the back of the _nam' cat_ was a figure in a modified RU engineer suit that looked like something a quarian would wear and holding tri-welded admin M-60's yelling:

"YOU WERE A FAILED PLOT EXPERMENT, BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL, MICROSOFT WORD, 70-MM HYDRA ROCKETS, AND MYSELF: MICHAEL BLACKBURN, I SMITE THE! HUZZAH!"

Mendey held his arms up to protect himself as a wall of napalm, 7.62x100000000000 FMG, and incendiary lemons utterly destroyed him in a blast shaped like Gabe Newell.

With that problem out of the way, Blackburn turned his attention to a pony-zombies filling canterlot and said "BY THE POWER OF MINECRAFT, I REPLACE YOU!" the pony-zombies gasped in fear as it suddenly turned nighttime; they began running to their houses, and as they got in there hiding spots, a horrifying "HISSSSSSSSSSSssss…" filled the air.

Blackburn was very jelly as canterlot exploded from 3.7 billion creepers.

(back to marcus…)

"and that's why evil mendez is no longer a problem." Marcus gave the elder a "you shittn' me?" look and said "well, this is the most random thing I've seen yet…oh well, TO THE PORTAL!"

Liberty pie, batman, and price saluted and said "we'll go to the stronghold and—" a guy in a purple grape suit busted down the wall and said "—GRAPE EM' IN THE MOUTH!"

Luna and ridinoff nodded and said "we'll go to those other places, providing Blackburn didn't boot the scrin ship form this map, as well as wipe out the evil elements." Luna looked evilly at marcus and said "death will be there only comfort! And why do I have a feeling like somewhere, at sometime, my brains as splattered on the front of a clothes store?"

Marcus shrugged as he headed for the MI-8 hind in the courtyard, and began his trip with incestia to stop the HUB threat once and for all.

(meanwhile, in the other evil dimension…)

The overlord lined up his commando team, and gave them a briefing "you are the last hope to stop marcus and his cronies….then, add that moron Blackburn and his steed nam' cat, and we have a problem….i chose you guys to stop him, so DO IT!"

The team nodded; as they left, he looked over the list and read them off in his mind:

Satin ether-pure form

Spiderman

General KnoXX

Robo-hitler, GEN-2

Space kanye

Hulk krogan (first of the krogan-born)

The overlord was getting nervous; his jig was almost up.

A/N: well, I had to get back in the writing grove from my 2 weeks' worth of screwing around, but whatever….review, guys or garrus will fill the first 5 minutes of mass effect 3 with the "calibrations" dubstep song.

NOW, time for some random shit about me, as well as mythbusting….

Facts/myths about Blackburn:

Has I.Q of 150 (true)

Has 3 shlongs (sadly not true)

Is listening to nyan cat 24 hr. song (MAKEITSTOP)

Thinks garrus is best pony (wrong…tali is)

Made you lose the game (true XD)

Is wasting your time with these facts (maybe)

Well, sorry garrus wasn't here today, he had a major case of DEATH, but he'll respawn in a day or so..if you review, he'll come back faster.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: sweet jesus….every time I think about it, I procrastinate with chapters; this time I just had writers block, and I truly wasn't happy with this chapter no matter how many times I worked on it. At least I did it, however….i spent maybe 1 week on the first half, and finished the rest like 10 minutes ago.

Chapter 19: the only easy day….was 16 years ago at that bar one night….

-luna and ridinoff

"wait- you want to go to ponyville first! Why?" the MI-8's pilot as ridinoff finished loading his gun; he looked back at the pilot and said "when the other teams begin the attack, the elements may get weary and flee! We must get them while they do not expect it, to finish the dogs off!"

The pilot nodded as he reset his course; frankly, he was just like the honey badger in the co-pilot's seat, he really didn't give a shit.

Luna looked at ridinoff and said "do you think this really is a good idea? I mean, what will happen if things don't go to plan-" she was then blinded by a flash of light, and she saw the menacing figure of Blackburn sitting next to ridinoff, a trollish grin still plastered on his mustached face.

He patted luna on the head and said "the scrin ship? Well, see, what had happened was…."

(20 minutes earlier…)

Blackburn landed in the front of the old, crashed ship; it was the symbol of one of his many writing failures due to his forgetfulness he suffered explicitly. He opened one of the doors and headed inside to face his inner demons; at first, he passed destroyed room after room, heading deep into the ship's core, where in a frozen heap lyed his un-named scrin villain, frozen in time and writers brainfart; his name was supposed to be "foreman 67"

He stepped on his neck(s) and rigged a flutterbomb up to the core then left the building.

As he walked away from the ship, he saw a flash of light, followed by a "yay.." that rang through the night.

And then the creepers attacked.

Luna gave him a strange look as he disappeared again, and ridinoff muttered "even crazier than the sheogorath guy who comes by…"

A voice on the intercom crackled "ok…were setting down 5 miles outside ponyville….get your gear and get the fuck out of my cargo hold." Luna grabbed the high tech SVD and PN-94 and jumped out; ridinoff looked spitefully at this "new" tech, and reached into the hidden compartment pulling out his old pony-nagent sniper, and his CCSH-41; these guns took down the biggest threats of the first fight for equestria.

He hoped what would be his last mission would bear these weapons again.

(a short time later…)

As luna led him through a low lying path, he couldn't help but notice how SHITTY the town looked now; it had been only a week and 90% of the building had "I voted for obama" stickers on the side of them. One of the other things that told him the elements of douchebaggery were up to no good came for looking at ponyville's residents: they were wearing whiskey-stained thongs and leather lingerie, there eyes were rimmed red from smoking pot-apples, and blood was crusted on their lips.

It reminded him of freshman year in college.

He looked at luna and said "the town's locals are fried…what are we gonna do about this?"

Luna put the suppressor on the gun and said "kill them if they try to stop you." Ridinoff nodded as he headed to his vantage point on the far side of town, so he could snipe the elements as they headed to the illuminati meeting in the library.

Luna watched as ridinoff headed out; she wondered what batman and his team was doing.

(elsewhere….)

Batman looked into the range-finder of the predator, then yelled "HUB base sighted! All units, open fire-NAMNAMNAM—" as he hit the MG on the tank and began hosing everything down with 7.62x51 bullets. Price got on the roof MG and covered the side of the tank as the battalions easily rolled over the enmeys first line defenses, blasting black-clad ponies and mutated freaks to pieces.

A C-130 flew overhead and dropped a folded up unit on the field; after a few seconds, it was revealed to be liberty pie, which due to the upgrades from GDI units made it light enough to be air-dropped into combat, for shock and awe.

As soon as pie opened fire, defense line 2, 3, 4 and 5 went down for the HUB troops.

The armor sped through, with infantry brutally finishing off any survivors; pie was targeting structures as batman and price got out to breach the base, and begin wiping them off this planet. As they rushed down a catwalk, price caught a HUB vanguard in a corner, and blew his head off, and took his gun. He saw it was a 12.G spas and tossed it to batman and said "here..it's 12 gauge, load it with your crack rounds."

Batman puffed out a cloud of smoke as he did what he was told, and around the next corner, he blew someone's face off in a ball of sheen. The stacked up at the main gates, large enough for a mammoth tank to roll through.

Just as price began rigging up the door to explode, a voice over the base's PA system said "this is general Knoxx of the hub military; you guys seem to want us gone, so the big guy who I answer to told me to "change your minds"…..hint hint, I'm about to attack you, so don't be surprised.

As a mammoth tank rolled up to the gate, about to bust it open, price heard the sound of mechanical whirring, followed by the doors being smashed by a huge red suit of power armor who picked up and threw the mammoth tank at the lined up troops; the pavement was then covered in smushed troopers.

Price was knocked to the ground by an explosion as the mech passed by; as he began to black out, he saw batman sprint into the base, doobie cannon and crack shotgun blazing. Price shut his eyes, and hoped nothing out of hand would happen.

(a few hundred yards out…)

Pie was suppressing the gun batteries lining the base, and clearing a way for her friends; she hoped batman would be all right. Because she was a program, various levels of A.I were doing different things. 1 was focusing on the fight, while another was busy thinking about it's self, and the other was looking at the memories of the real pinkie pie. Frankly, the name "batman" was highly thought about, as was a "Rictofen" "mendez" and "marcus"…..she knew who all of them were, but one name stuck out:

Rictofen.

The mad scientist/nazi/zombie slayer/destroyer of earth; pinkie liked him so much, but then he just…vanished. After a certain point, he never showed up again on rosters; pie made a note to find a way to search for him and finish what the real pinkie was hunting for.

Her thoughts were interrupted as a amplified male voice said "well great….the overlord brings me here for some glorious mission to stop a revolution; same shit, different day am I right? Well, you look like a rebel, so I have to stomp your face in. apologies in advance. " she looked up and saw a man's head sticking out of a HUGE armored suit/mech, and was charging some laser in her direction; using the speakers and sound files she had, she declared "_RED CHINESE THREAT DETECTED! LETHAL_ FORCE ENGAGED!"

She fired several testa laser blasts at him. But he just shrugged them off and said "I may hate living, but good ole' general knoxx prepared! LIGHTING ROD MOTHAFUCKA!" and fired 2 orbs of glowing energy, knocking pie down; as she got back up, a barely audiable sentence was uttered:

_This just got personal._

A/N: well, amongst many things, I have a question to my readers who know stuff about airsoft; should I get a G-36 (with optics) airsoft (plus parts to make it an MG36), or a M-4?

Also, I was snorting watermelons a few days ago when I was playing bad company 2; I am working on a story with our favorite heros (Marlowe, sweetwater, hags, and sarge)

Guess what it's about?

You'll see in about 3 weeks.

Also, I recent times, me and turdy1 have combined forces on a joint effort story; after we get some kinks out, it will appear soon.

Well, review and tell me how smexy I am. –M.B


	20. christmas special

Author's note: pull up a chair, and some eggnog-mountain dew hybrid stuff; this chapter is 17 pages long. Oh, this chapter rook me a MONTH to write, and because of it, I had to delay my normal storyline, PLEASE, for a Christmas gift to me, REVIEW! Also, I am releasing this a few days early so people will have no problems on Christmas day.

FFE Christmas special

Story 1: molestia's coming to town

(location: princess celestia's castle, canterlot: 2 days before "Christmas")

The princess sat at her fireplace, watching the logs burn; she was feeling a little more than down….truthfully, she had no-one to enjoy the holiday season with. Luna and ridinoff were having freaky shit in her castle, Marcus was hiding somewhere, hoping not to be found; the 6 elements were off having their own parties….to boot, after seeing the gala, she knew they would never go to another party she threw ever again.

She sighed and walked to the window; down on the street, in the snow, ponies of all ages stood and did carols, most about her, but one group was singing about a "Santa Claus". She was slightly angry that Marcus's human customs slowly were getting into Equestria, but she didn't mind this one. She lifted her ear as she listened to the song they were singing:

_You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town!_

She listened intently, and started smiling to an idea that was forming.

(several hours later…)

Celestia took one final look at the speech she was about to give; this would make the 25 an official holiday on equestrian calendars, because it would give Marcus a reason to be out in the open. She hoped. She inhaled and walked out into the balcony to address her subjects; she looked down at the millions of ponies, and said:

"_My little ponies of Equestria, due to a large amount of ponies celebrating, or the awareness of the human holiday "Christmas", I shall decree it that the 25 of this month, we shall celebrate it, and all the good ponies of Equestria shall receive a present; all the naughty ones will have "problems". When I mean "problems" I mean, bomb the place, watch as your family/friends die in a horrible fire, that sort of stuff…_

_BUT, the most important part of all this is that Marcus waters and pvt. Mendez will step forward and tell the whole world of this holiday tomorrow; and the "santa claus" will hopefully appear; well, my subjects…stay safe, cause no problems, and you live to see tomorrow!"_

She closed the curtains and walked back into her room; she figured everything was right-and-done.

(outside….)

Mendez hoofpalmed; the princess just turned a holiday loose on a bunch of ponies who wouldn't understand that fact Santa wasn't real; so, that would make it seem to all the ponies that they were bad, and somehow, the princess would inaverndantly slaughter half of them….he had to put a stop to this.

Truthfully, he saw this whole thing as something the princess was doing to corner Marcus, who still was in hiding from the princess, also, Luna had become much more popular in recent times with her "nightmare night" that caused millions to embrace her as a badass; so much so, the LEAGUE of badasses have been talking with her…yet, no-one talks to celestia.

_Holy shit….it came to me, she is a forever-alone Grinch._ Mendez thought as he walked up the stairs to the princess's bedchamber, a place that caused war flashbacks for Marcus. he opened the door, and was immediately tackled by the princess, who was mid-sentence saying "YOU CAME MY LOVER, NOW MAKE ME CO—oh, shit…sorry Mendez…I thought you were Marcus."

He glared at her and mumbled "Aww thanks bitch." And stood up as the princess said "so, I presume you are here to discuss this "Christmas" affair….please fill me in, if you would."

Mendez sat down and said "well, on earth, Christmas is a fairly religious tradition, but seeing that the populace basically worships you, I'll skip that part…the part of Christmas that most people celebrate is Santa Claus, and how he delivers presents to the good little boys and girls….only one problem, on earth, if Santa was still alive, he would be like, 1,000+ years old. Basically, it's parents who put presents under the Christmas tree, and the kids find it in the morning."

"So, seeing Santa is not real, you better find a bunch of tight-lipped Pegasus with active-camo to deliver the stuff to several million ponies. Have fun." He sat down on his haunches and smirked as the princess's face slowly turned red, she also was muttering "ohhh…I want a tight-lipped pegi—I mean, fuck, I gotta get a plan to fix this…"

Mendez was walking out the door when the princess blocked his way and said "YOU set me straight; YOU are going to help me!"

Mendez uttered "ah' crap."

He slowly walked back into the room and said "look…I would LOVE to help, but….YOU gotta make presents for EVERYPONY IN EQUESTRIA, as you said, every good pony, so…ponies tend to get mad when NOBODY is good, and gets nothing! Ok, second, not even dash on PCP could deliver all that stuff in one fuckin' night, with no-one noticing….how to do you intend to do this!"

She got an accurate trollface on as she said "magic" and snorted twice to prove a point; Mendez realized all hell was going to break loose.

(an hour later….)

Mendez was busy trying to write the princess's theme song, she said she would be back in a few minutes, but that was a while back…in the meantime, he had a song to finish; he put the final touches on it, and trollishly smiled..this song was just MADE for her.

Almost as if pre-planned, the door to the chamber opened, and the princess came in with a red outfit kinky-style on her body and said "I made it myself…will marcus like it?"

Mendez shook his head and said "YOU…ARE…GIVING…SHIT…TO… ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE RARITY ON MY BIRTHDAY!"

The princess smiled and said "I like it…don't you?" he shook his head and said "less on is better off…but that's not the point. Tell me you have the presents, and a list."

She nodded and said "I can raise the sun and the moon…I got this shit!"

Mendez said "well, as big Mac said once when rainbow dash was visiting "don't gulp more than you can swallow" and…hey, hold on…I GET WHAT HE WAS SAYINGAAAAGHHH!" the princess patted him on the shoulder and said "look, your help was invaluable, but I have this under control…maybe if you're a good pony this year, you can have wings."

Mendez injected "and a red Ryder double-action .50 cal."

Celestia rolled her eyes and said "I was also thinking of something dash gives you, but, ok…you can have a deadly weapon to hunt roaches with."

Mendez wasn't listening to her; he was muttering "…ralphy and his f'n BB-gun can go fuck itself with the hole a .50 will make…." Celestia walked to her private room and started reading the list; she could easily create the gifts using magic, but all she needed was the list.

Her eyes scrolled down the page, and she shuddered; some of these things, she couldn't do, or make! Maybe ad hoc still worked…"

She looked at the clock; in a few hours, it was time to go..she opened up one of her magic books to see if there was a possible way to make some of these things

(A few hours later….)

Celestia gulped as she headed to the balcony; she had an Idea of what to do, but…she still just wasn't sure of how this would end up. As she was about to take flight, a familiar voice said "well, playing Santa Claus are we? I guess Mendez isn't ALL the lying sack of shit he normally is!" she whirled around to see Marcus, in the flesh standing behind her.

What caught her by surprise was that he was SMILING.

She stuttered and said "I…I, have been looking for you for weeks, yet, I never find you, then..then…you just COME HERE!" he nodded and said "I used to think you were a no-good sexpot who just thought of herself; Mendez tells me that you basically took over the job of Santa for the whole world; that isn't a small task, you know. To me, you aren't a self-centered sexpot, just a sexpot with a bit of heart now."

Celestia smiled; that was the nicest thing Marcus ever said about her in 3 years. She put her hand on his shoulder and said "I'm sure you can never forgive me…but, maybe you can give me a present later…after I deliver mine."

Before Marcus could say anything, a voice over an ultra-small earphone the princess had crackled "garuda team, get ready for take-off." And, Marcus watched in awe as she took off, going straight up…a feat even dash couldn't do…

He, for once in his life, looked up to her; she was doing something good.

(a few hours in…

The princess looked at her list again; the first person she was going to visit was scootaloo, who asked for: 1 rainbow dash life-sized doll, and a cutie mark….and…MW3? the princess landed in the house using magic that couldn't be mentioned, then put down a rainbow dash doll…but, she felt that it was wrong; maybe she got the order wrong, but last she remembered kids toys were not…anatomically accurate in those places.

The next thing she put down was a do-it-yourself tattoo kit; maybe it would give the kid more options for those marks; the last thing, the MW3 disc….the princess put a BF3 disc down and whispered to the sleeping filly "if I was going to punish you, you would smell grapes, and have a MW3 disc in the morning"

She took off for the next house, which belonged to lyra and bon-bon; they asked for some usual stuff, but then, she noticed something strange: at the bottom of their stuff they asked for, flame-tempered bed cuffs were put in, with a red circle and "important" written around it. She mentally noted to herself to visit here again sometime soon. She looked into their bedroom and heard groaning; it didn't take a genius to figure out that they should be left alone.

The next place was a shack owned by a rail-road pony named "coal train"..his list was saddening; he asked for some socks and warm food for his son baird, and a happy new year. After seeing the father and son living in such poor conditions, the princess did something unprecenteded: she left a note in their house, telling them that if they show this to the royal building company, they will get them a new house closer to where-ever they wanted it, and food for a year.

The princess felt truly good about what she had just done; someone's life was better now.

(hours and millions of houses later, sometime before sunrise on the 25th…)

The last place she had to visit was the strangest; not because it was weird or anything; but, common sense would kinda dictate that "the apple family" in alphabetical order, would come first…but that's just her.

She walked into their living room; it was rather humble for a family that had an element of harmony; there was an apple tree decorated with popcorn, a small fire going in the fireplace..she laid down the presents and started for the door as a small voice said "wha'…is..that Santa Claus, or…oh..yeah..it's the princess.

Her face turned red; her cover was about to be blown; she quickly said "oh, what? No, I am santa claus! See, I was just bringing you your presents…." The small yellow filly gave her sad eyes and said "but…all I asked for was a cutie mark! It's not there!"

The princess sighed; it was the last place she was going for the night.

She sat down next to the filly and said "oh, but you do have your gift! It's your wisdom, and, as many have maybe told you, you earn your cutie mark, not get it from someone else. It's all up to you; think, what do you do the best?"

The filly looked up and said "well, I can do (section deleted by copyright claim from Hasbro. INC.)" the princess looked surprised and said "if you try your hardest, you can have a (copyright by Hasbro) cutiemark…it's one of a kind!"

as the filly smiled and started to say "your great Santa Claus!" the princess put a rag up to her face and said "does this smell like chloroform?"

(several minutes later…)

The princess put the filly back into her bed, and wiped the sweat off of her brow; her cover was almost blown. It was time to head home; she learned a valuable lesson, maybe Marcus and Mendez would "thank" her the way she liked it.

(meanwhile, in the princess's chamber…)

Marcus was drinking some DVX with Mendez, laughing about their Christmas…or being heavily drunk, whichever came first; they both had hopes..that equestria's Christmas would be one of the best…..words could not describe the feelings of joy they felt when a tired-out celestia walked in; Marcus ran up to her and gave the biggest bear hug a drunk could muster, Mendez tilted the bottle straight up and said "NEXT DRINKS ON ME!"

Celestia smiled; she had made equestria's first Christmas come true…and Marcus was drunk, nothing could have been better for tonight.

(the next day, on Christmas morning…)

A fresh layer of snow had fallen on Equestria; the princess slowly arose from her bed; she wondered if what had just happened was a dream…she looked on both sides of her, and saw bottles of santanna DVX, and Marcus on one side, Mendez on the other. She couldn't stop smiling; her Christmas came true…came being used in different context.

She trotted to the window and watched as happy fillies and colts pranced about in the streets, holding or using their newfound holiday spoils; just as she was about to chuckle, a hoarse voice behind her said "..last night, I showed you the meaning of "most of the time"! you can't deny it, this was a great first Christmas." Marcus said as he pulled a cup of coffee seemingly out of nowhere.

Mendez was awake now too; he smiled and said "princess, I truly believed at first, you would fail spectacularly in your attempts to save equestria's first Christmas…I was wrong, but the song I made of you still stands, and after seeing last night, I find it most fitting, it goes something like this:

_You better watch out!  
You better not hide!  
You better not cry!  
I'm telling you why,  
Molestia is comin' to town._

She's making a list  
and checking it thrice.  
She's going to find out who's scared to fright.  
Molestia Is Comin' To Town.

She sees when you're sleeping.  
She knows when you're awake.  
She knows if you've been bad or good.  
So be good for your virginity's sake!

You better watch out!  
You better not hide!  
You better not cry!  
I'm telling you why,  
Molestia is comin' to town.  
Molestia is comin' to town.  
_Molestia is raping' this town._

(a special thanks to shadowfire117 for making that kick-ass song)

The princess felt confused; she didn't know if she was supposed to be happy, or really mad about that song….but, now that her blood was flowing again, she was going to make that song _true._

She jumped out the window and walked over to a group of ponies who were complaining about how they didn't get anything for Christmas; the princess put her hoof on each of their shoulders and said "you like…banana's….don't you?"

The ponies started making a run for it as the princess charged after them, gutterly screaming "C'MERE KIDS! IM GONNA GRAPE YAH IN THE MOUTH!"

Marcus and Mendez opened up another bottle of DVX and at the same time said "..we spoke to soon about her, didn't we?"

Story 2: how Mendez saved Christmas

Later on in the day of Christmas, everypony in Marcus knew came over to his new house to just chill out around the fireplace, and tell stories about today's Christmas, or if they learned anything; twilight said that "Santa breaks the laws of physics" but, no-one really cared

Dash and Mendez had must have gotten some really neat stuff; the thing was, they said it was public indecency to talk about them. Ridinoff wasn't present; he must have hated holidays…the rest of the 6 were just chugging eggnog and vodka, and spike was hitting on rarity. Again.

But, what truly made this unique, was that a number of people from the league of badasses dropped by for a visit! There was Mr.T, Carlos Santana, the most interesting man in the world, chuck Norris, Dave Jordan, batman…the list did go on.

Chuck was enjoying some DVX and between gulps said "I remember, when I saved the earth from a flying asteroid shaped like Rosie O'Donnell'..that saved Christmas spring of 2019!" Dave looked at him and said "Christmas is in spring!" chuck glared and said "don't argue with my logic; the result is death." Dave rolled his eyes and said "RIIIGHT….well, does anyone BESIDES chuck have a good story or 2 to tell?"

Mendez stood up and said "I have one; it happened in December 2566….you wanna here it? It's how I saved Christmas back then!"

Everyone with a strange look on their face said "wait…YOU saved Christmas? That, I would LOVE to hear." Mendez said "you guys don't believe me, well, lemme tell you…."

_Everyone listened with intent as he began his tale…._

(date: December 24, 2566)

(time: unlisted)

(place: Miami, Florida)

Mendez was sitting on the beachside, just after sunset; he had an empty bottle of whiskey, and no-where to go…the UNSC put him on leave not too long ago, and all he could do was drink. He had no love for Christmas

As he looked into the bottle, trying to get the dredges, panicked screaming caught his attention; a group of people in leather jackets were punching a midget in the stomach, And about to toss him into the sea. Mendez dropped his bottle as he ran to try and stop the gang from killing an innocent person; he punched the lead guy in the face, and yanked the midget free; the person he saved kicked him in the balls and made a run for it, screaming "FOOL! NOW CHRISTMAS WILL NEVER HAPPEN!" and disappeared in the darkness.

Still grasping his balls in pain, Mendez started panicking as the lead guy stood back up, and grabbed Mendez by the collar and growled "you…have just made a BIG mistake, punk….you let that elf get away; now he will do all in his power to kill Santa Claus!"

Mendez stopped struggling as he said to the leader "wait…you are telling me that guy was an elf who wants Santa dead? You guys are crazy or drunk, or both!" the leader put him down and said "ah…a normal human would say that; we are the angels of death, Santa's protectors who stop people from threatening st. nick….mostly, in recent times, it was defusing bombs kid's from Iraq sent him, but in recent times, a murderous elf…but I am getting ahead of myself; my name is "john"."

Mendez stood up straight and said "how can I believe you! You look like a biker gang member, Santa's worker/protectors wouldn't look like that!" john chuckled and said "see, the reason we look this way is so we blend in with our environments; Santa used to live in the north pole, but…he liked Florida better, and lives there most of the time."

Mendez shrugged and said "well, you guys just spilled all your secrets to someone you don't know or trust—" john interrupted and said "you are pvt. William Mendez, of the UNSC, you are on leave, and have stayed on the good side of Santa's list all year."

Mendez started weeping; this shit was getting weird.

John patted his shoulder and said "well, we do need your help; we need to keep Santa safe for the rest of tonight, so…it's time to head to his lair."

(short time later…)

Mendez was surprised; Santa's workshop was underneath a seedy strip club; he officially called Santa a badass. John opened up a hidden door, and they climbed down a ladder to a large steel door, with a "N.P" stamped into it; john typed a code in, and it slid open.

Mendez finally got to see what Santa's workshop looked like….the elves were most likely pro wrestlers, and the workshop itself reminded him of "the pitt" from fallout 3; it was slightly un-nerving to Mendez, this was where happiness of all the little boys and girls were made.

He felt a tap on his shoulder, and when he turned around, an old man wearing a leather bikers jacket and a combat helmet was standing there. He opened his mouth and said "well, so this is willy Mendez, is it? I remember you when you were just a little boy, running around with a box-cutter…good times."

Mendez remembered that Christmas night when he chased a "robber" out of their house with a box-cutter; it suddenly dawned on him, and he stuttered "your…your Santa Claus!"

Santa smiled and said "damn right, ho ho ho as I am supposed to say!" Mendez gave him a quizzical look and said "what do you mean "as they say"?"

Santa shook his head and said "truth be told…I haven't done Christmas in YEARS….the fucking big business took my image, twisted it by removing the true meaning of Christmas, and replacing it with brain-washing to make people go into a spending craze; that elf who wants to kill me, he has ties to wal-mart….and, he freaked when I told him I wouldn't stand for their crap, so the CEO of wal-mart ordered him to kill me!"

Mendez was stunned; on earth, there were 3 "factions" who controlled parts of the earth: the UNSC had military dominance, Blackburn industries had technology 300 years ahead of anything the UNSC had, and Wal-Mart had most of the populace hooked on them…at the rate things were going, Blackburn inc. was going to level the earth, the UNSC was going to break due to the war against the covvies, and wal-mart was going to take over earth, now this! Wal-mart had gone too far.

Mendez stood in attention and said "Santa, I will take it as my sworn duty to protect you from this crisis….what do you need me to do?" santa perked up upon hearing this and said "well, my plan to fight back against wal-mart is going to be this: 1) I do my toy-run, for the good boys and girls 2) we hunt do that elf bastard 3) destroy Wal-Mart's head building in a hidden base somewhere in north Florida. You just gotta protect me as I do these things."

Mendez shrugged and said "that doesn't sound to har—AGGH!" as he was about to finish his sentence, the roof of the room was blown out, and Mendez was knocked to the ground; he looked up and saw guys in black spec-ops gear firing MP7A12's at Santa, who was crouching behind cover. Mendez got up and ran to the nearest black-op guy and yanked his pistol out of its hoister, and planted 2 bullets into the back of the assassin's head.

He picked up the MP7 and hosed the others down in lead, and watched them fall to the floor in bloody heaps; he jogged over to Santa and said "I think this plan better begin…they know you are here." Santa nodded and replied "well, we need some shit worth using, not this second-hand spec-op H&K crap!*** he then walked up to the wall, and pressed a hidden button; the wall folded down into a armory that could have supplied everyone from here to mars with rounds and guns; Mendez grabbed a slightly modified MA5V* off the wall and a M-41 SPNKr from the rack, along with plenty of gun-juice for the upcoming fights that were bound to happen

Santa had a desert eagle with matte-black finish and had a small .357 marking engraved on the side, as well as the good old' Mossberg 500 riot-shotgun, with "winter's howl"** shells. He lead Mendez to a hanger area, and turned the lights on; in the center of the room sat a slightly modified vulture gunship, it had less visible firepower, but a third engine mounted on it. As Santa opened the canopy he said "my reindeer team was captured by target 3 years ago, so I had to find a good replacement; I stole this from a Blackburn industries weapons lab; it has a miniature slip-space drive for instant travel in-atmosphere, some defensive turrets, but it's teeth is the single Shiva nuke hidden inside this baby, other than that, it's a normal vulture…you take the front seat, that's where you control the gun turrets."

As Mendez sat down in the gunner's seat, he saw several assassins run into the hanger, and he yelled "HIT THE DECK SANTA!" and let loose with the dual chin-mounted 88-MM cannons, turning the black-ops into red sludge on the deck. Santa jumped in the vulture and started the engines as more black-ops poured into the hanger, guns blazing.

Santa angled the thrusters just right as he took off, and incinerated the hostiles in the bay in a flash as they took to the skies. Mendez finished weapons checks as he checked the air-radar for bogeys; if nothing more than to troll him, a unidentified flight of fast-movers (moving in a formation shaped vaguely like a troll-face), and a voice on the radio crackled "this is UNSC defense air patrol 1337A, identify yourself, or you will be fired upon"

Santa grabbed the mic for the radio gingerly and said "this is santa claus making his toy run, do not interfere." The patrol leader replied on radio "..you must be joking, you fuckin' innie; you ARE now going to be shot down."

Santa leaned over to Mendez and said "if it makes you feel better, this isn't going on the naughty list for you." Mendez nodded as he swung the dual 88's toward the incoming flight, and peppered them; to say the least, they never even got a lock, either way, as santa had an ECM pod.

(several minutes later…)

"ok, Mendez, I am going to have to hover; keep an eye out for flak, or SAMS…we don't need a missile up our tail-pipe; I am going to beam down the items for this block." Mendez nodded as he turned the FLIR on, and scanned the zone; santa was busy beaming the stuff down when all-aspect radar picked up 3 contacts on the ground.

His face turned white as he saw the contacts: scorpion "sun devil" tanks, armed with dual 40-MM AA-cannon; he confirmed this as tracers began whizzing past the ship. He opened fire, trying to buy time until the AGM's came online.

(inside the tanks…)

"bro…is that…a really big bird in the sky?"

"naw, it's probably a bird."

(back to Mendez…)

He was really sweating now; those dirty bastards were toying with him, by not attacking; he wiped the sweat off of his brow as the re-assuring _beep_ of the AGM system as it came online; he slammed his hand against the fire button and blew the tanks to hell. Around that time, santa walked back into the cockpit and said "ok, I just delivered 400 gallons of mountain dew to some D-bag named "Michael Longley"…Christ, that kid is gonna have a kidney stone in a few days, next place: roman Pulaski's house! I here he has lots of kids who want toys there…or so he writes to me."

Mendez shrugged as they flew off.

(down near the tanks…)

The drivers climbed out of their destroyed tanks, and said "if that was a bird….WHAT WERE THEY EATING TO SHIT LIKE THAT!"

(b.t.m…..)

Hours had gone by, and hundreds of dreams made; at least, that's what santa did; Mendez was slaughtering thousands of assassins and hobos as they went from location to location. Now there was only one place left to go

The wal-mart headquarters, to face off against the elf, and whoever was behind all of this.

In posters of this place, it is a happy, eco-friendly place; but, it was FAR different…a Hitler statue was in the courtyard, and the whipping post was covered in fresh blood.

Needless to say, wally-world wasn't a good place to work at.

They nosed-down into the courtyard (hitting a signpost and guard) then jumped out, guns primed. Mendez and santa were expecting résistance from all involved, but they saw a different story; those people in the courtyard were doing forced labor for wal-mart.

Mendez turned and saw santa, his eyes brimming with anger; needless to say, they ran to the CEO's office, eager to bring the bastard to justice. Mendez stopped as they reached the door to the CEO: it was a 20 foot high steel door, with a swastika engraved into it; before Mendez could say anything, santa tanked it up and roundhouse'd the door, causing it to disintegrate from so much win.

They charged into the center of the room, and a clichéd evil voice said "ah….santa, and Mendez? Killing 2 pricks with one stone….now it's time for me to give away my plan like a retard!" another voice interrupted and said "what about the spiders!"

"go away. That movie sucked." The first voice said, causing the second voice to whimper and say "..but, I'm so lonely…." The first voice turned its attention back to santa and said "ah, but let me introduce myself; I am Richard Goering Clinton, CEO of wal-mart….and, yes..i know who you guys are."

Santa pulled his deagle out and yelled "YOUR DESTROYING THE WORLD YOU BASTARD!" Clinton sputtered and said "what? Hell no! that's McDonalds your thinking of! I am TAKING over the earth; get it right." Santa rolled his eyes as he put 3 bullets into Clinton's head, and he crumpled to the ground in a bloody heap.

Mendez looked at santa and said "yeah…that was very anti-climatic. Even for Blackburn."

Santa looked at him with a trollface and said "well, didja know Clinton was also the elf?"

Mendez facepalmed as santa pulled out a doobie.

As Mendez finished his story, he smiled and added "and that's how I saved Christmas!"

Dave raised his brow and said "I didn't know that santa wore a leather biker's jacket."

Marcus, with a shocked, slightly stunned look said "I did not know the North Pole was in Miami. This changes everything."

Mendez, with a smug look on his face sat down and said "NO-ONE, I mean, no-one can beat THAT story, except ridinoff; he can't say anything because he doesn't celebrate Christmas…or holidays period."

A voice in the back of the room said "not quite, my friend….it was a very good tale you spun, but I have learned something far greater than you could begin to _fathom._"

Everyone turned to the source of the voice and gasped; it was ridinoff, covered in sweat, with a wagon of presents behind him. He knew what everyone was thinking and said "let's just say I have a story to tell _you._"

Story 3: Call Of Christmas: ridinoff's resent

Everyone in the room looked at ridinoff with curiosity and said "but, I thought you said holidays were a waste of time, and shouldn't even exist! " ridinoff chuckled and said "ah, when I was a little colt, I used to celebrate nightmare night, but only because I wanted to kick nightmare moon's ass….no, see, I had a freaky experience today, and it went like this….

_Time: earlier that day_

_Place: equestria….no, seriously, where did you think he was?_

_Location: R.E.A.F (ROYAL EQUESTRIAN ARMED FORCES) base "GD-11"_

Ridinoff was studiously typing away at his terminal, frowning as his overly pep troops left the building for there "Christmas" leave; he frankly hated the fact they weren't working.

He looked up again and saw Chernov standing in from of him, who promptly asked "can I have leave today, so I can enjoy time with my family?" ridinoff's face turned red as he said "CHERNOV! YOU WHAT!...fine…but, I am taking your paycheck for the week, and denying your promotion , why would you waste time just to visit family?"

Chernov looked at him with a pained face and said "well, my nephew derpy dima is badly crippled, and may not live another year…so, I want to spend as much time as possible with-" ridinoff interrupted and said "get to know him less, so when he leaves, you don't miss him."

Chernov's face turned red as he stomped out and yelled "and a merry Christmas to you too, asshole!"

Ridinoff shook his head with disgust; Chernov should have been more like Dmitri; he was all work, no play…it was something he wished all his men did. How could they patrol Equestria, keeping diamond dogs and griffons out of here if EVERYONE just up and decided to go on a holiday! Bullshit, he claimed.

He yawned for a moment and said "I think..however, I can get a short nap at my desk; fuck it, I'm still on my job." He leaned back in his chair and shut his eyes, smiling to himself as visions of burning griffon children with a flamethrower went through his mind.

"_AHAHA!" he screamed as he cornered an old couple, torching them do death; he almost wished he was a carnivore, to see what griffon meat tasted like. As the crowds tried to run from him, he mercilessly slaughtered them off; he screamed "Dmitri….ah, this would be pure HEAVEN if he was here!"_

_A familiar voice behind him said "if only you knew…I AM here."_

_He stopped firing, and whipped around: in front of him, stood Dmitri petrinko. He ran to him and gave him a hug, saying "no homo, but I missed you SO MUCH! Killing was never the same!" he looked up at Dmitri, expecting a smile and some fresh ammo, but he noticed something about him; his face showed age, and his body was adorned with gruesome scars. Dmitri opened his mouth and said "I have came with a warning, to you, and you alone."_

_Ridinoff gave him a strange look and said "why? There is nothing that could possibly hurt me! I am a fucking badass!" Dmitri shook his head and said "I took the route you did…and that route, has lead me to this: I must walk Equestria, my soul bound here…and read rule 34 cupcakes spin-offs…forever….it hurts, it really does." Ridinoff stopped for a moment after hearing the dreaded words "rule 34" and said "what would you have me do to avoid this fate, old friend?"_

_Dmitri put his hoof on ridinoff's shoulder and said "learn about your errors of the past; learn to have friendly emotions…some friends of mine are going to help you with that." Upon finishing his sentence, Dmitri started fading away, and ridinoff was yelling "NO! wait, what does it all mean!"_

_As he disappeared he said "memory is the key."_

_While ridinoff contemplated what it meant, rooster teeth sued the living shit out of Blackburn._

_Ridinoff was looking at the ground, when a Australian voice behind him said "here's a touching story…." Ridinoff slowly turned around, and muttered "oh no…". a griffon wearing a blue outfit said "once upon a time, I raped you and you died then I lived happily ever after."_

_He broke out screaming "HOLY SHIT!" as the griffon pinned him to the ground._

Ridinoff's eyes snapped open, and he swung his knife like a madman as he rose from his seat. He looked around and sighed in relief; it all was a bad dream. A voice behind him said "you bloody failure; and you complain because one of your guys went on vacation!"

Ridinoff whipped around and saw a human standing there; he muttered to himself "I must be seeing shit; I think those apples I ate went down the wrong way…" the human looked at him and said "oh, I am not a figment of your mind, ridinoff; I am captain jack MacBride, you can call me "detergent"!

Ridinoff leaned back and asked "why are you here? What do you want!"

Detergent shrugged and said "I just am here to help you live a little, and avoid the fate your buddy Dmitri suffered" the captain looked up for a moment and said "well, let me show you something; no homo, but hold my hand."

Ridinoff, sighing in relief from the use of "no homo" tried his best to grab jack's hand; as it made contact with his hoof, jack said "let's see how you were when you were a little colt…" in a whirlwind of light, ridinoff and jack were gone.

As the light subsided, jack asked ridinoff "do you recognize this place?" ridinoff opened his eyes and looked around, and after a few seconds to get his bearing, he gasped; this was his house in stalliongrad that he grew up in.

His heart grew warm with memories as he saw his mother making homemade bread, and his dad playing great violin music; those 2 things…after they got killed in 2542, that was when he truly grew bitter.

His father's music still haunted him today.

Jack nudged him on the shoulder and said "c'mon, we have a great many things to see." Ridinoff nodded, still affixed on the images of his family; he wondered where he was during this time. Jack snapped his fingers, and before he knew it, he was in front of the "stalliongrad public school for ungifted ponies"

Jack hovered above the courtyard, and said to ridinoff "see anything you remember?"

Ridinoff nodded "yes….there is Chernov, getting beaten up by hobos, Dmitri is hitting on the fillies….there's that one girl I liked….."

jack then said "then where are you?"

ridinoff gulped as he looked into the window of the school; he was sitting alone on a stool, reading a book about military discipline. His head lowered as jack asked "so…where are your friends and family now?"

ridinoff looked at him and said "my parents…were killed by diamond dogs long ago; when the war between them and ponies happened, I was still very young, but I lied about my age, and went to war." Jack said "ok…what about your friends?" he nodded and said "well, Dmitri was betrayed and killed by a corrupt pony named dragovich near the end of the war, the girl I liked got married, and Chernov is still here." Jack said "well, we know what you were doing for the holidays, let's see what your living buddy Chernov's doing…"

in a flash of light, they were in the corner of young Chernov's house; ridinoff listened as Chernov finished the dinner prayer "…and avoid any racist griffons, amen." Chernov and his family sat down around a small coffee table, with just a few small bowls on it. His family never had much, but they always were grateful; they too were killed in 2542, and Chernov signed up in the military to avenge them. Ridinoff looked back with a pained expression; they were Chernov's light. Now they were gone…he wondered what kept Chernov going at times.

Jack tugged on his shoulder and said "well, now let's see how things at home are going for you" and in a flash of light, he found himself back in his family's living area; his mom and dad were sitting at their table, sadly staring at ridinoff's empty seat. His father spoke up and said "I sometimes wonder…if that colt even loves us, he didn't even come home for the hearth warming celebration!" his mother rolled her eyes and said "oh…he loves us, if only he would drop that "military discipline" bullcrap for 1 day…"

His dad sadly nodded as he slid ridinoff's present back into the closet. Ridinoff noted his; he never EVER saw anypony open that closet. He still owned there old house, and noted to check that closet next time he went there. Jack turned back to ridinoff and said "this little thing you did, keeps up for the next few years, until you join the army and REALLY get mean and alone, well, my work here is done; time for my next buddy to visit you.

in a flash of light, ridinoff found himself shuddering in his bed; was it a dream, or did those apples go down wrong….on that note, wasn't he in his canterlot office not to long ago? He looked around and shuddered; he was in his old stalliongrad home. He walked around the old place; a thick layer of dust was everywhere, he hadn't came here in years.

He remembered the closet he was never supposed to opened, and walked up to it. He slid the door back, and saw a lone present with his name on it lying there. As he picked it up, and started opening it, a new voice behind him said "well...looks like someone is finally opening it up!"

Ridinoff whipped around and said "oh...my….celestia…..COLONEL KLINK!"

Klink chuckled and said "ah…it's great to know SOMEONE other than Blackburn watches that show….ah, good times….WELL, my good friend jack sent me to show you what's "coming down" as they say on this year's Christmas celebration, put the present down, we have so much to see, yet so little time!"

In a flash of light, and the theme for Hogan's heroes' later, ridinoff was being carried over the streets of canterlot, watching everyone carol, and greet each other; Klink was happily humming to himself and said "well, I suppose I should show yo what is going on with you "buddy" as you say, Chernov," in another flash of light, he found himself in Chernov's house in ponyville.

It was a very old house, and with just a small bit of food on the table. Chernov's wife was putting the meal on the table as his 2 scruffily kids talked about their day at the factory; Chernov trotted in with his crippled nephew derpy dima on his shoulders. He carefully placed him down on the chair, and almost got a heart attack as dima broke out coughing. Ridinoff frowned and asked Klink "how long will that kid make it?" Klink stopped smiling and adjusted his monocle and said "well, at the rate it's going with the money they've got, 4, maybe 5 months." Ridinoff said "gee…I sure wish I could help."

Klink looked him in the eye and said "oh, but there is…you just don't get it yet."

In a flash of light, they were back in ridinoff's stalliongrad house; Klink took his monocle off and said "see, this is your chance, ridinoff, you must understand. We are doing this because your friend Dmitri doesn't want what happened to him happen to his mentor!" Klink looked at his watch and said "well, I must be going along now, I have a meeting with general burkhalter in 15 minutes, have a nice life, victor!"

In a flash of light, Klink was gone. But, something else was there.

In the spot the col. was standing, stood a hooded phantom. Ridinoff hoped to god that this was Dmitri's 3rd friend, or else he was fucked. The phantom moved up to him, and said nothing then pointed at him. Ridinoff asked "are you the third person?" the ghost said nothing, and in a flash of light, they were in the command bunker of the equestrian military. In the center of the room, a few officers were talking about the death of a senior commander.

"..so, yeah…they say he just dropped dead; of course, so many ponies hated his guts, I wouldn't be surprised if they murdered him." The other pony nodded and said "hey, it means everyone gets moved up a rank, why are you complaining?" the first pony said "hey, I wasn't complaining!" they both broke out laughing and went back to work.

Ridinoff didn't understand what this meant, and as he was about to ask the sprit, he was teleported somewhere else. It was a gun store in stalliongrad; a couple of vagrant ponies walked in and said to the guy behind the counter "yeah, that one asshole finally kicked the bucket; we went over and looted his nice house, so how much crack can we buy with all this?" the pony behind the counter looked over the stuff and said "you could get 40 kilos for all this…but I got a question; why are there these clothes here?"

the vagrants chuckled and said "oh, we took that shit right of the dead bastards body!"

all the ponies in the shop got a chuckle out of it as the pony behind the counter handed them the money, and some crack.

Ridinoff was confused: who was this pony the hated so much? Why would they do such a thing like looting? The sprit teleported him again, and this time he wa sin twilight's library. The elements of harmony along with Marcus and Mendez were there; they were trying to do some sort of eulogy for the deceased, whose casket was closed in the center of the room.

Mendez stood up and said "yeah…he was old, and it's kind of sad, but he was old, and an asshole, so who gives a fuck?" dash nodded and they both left. Marcus stood up and said "I will miss him; he wa so dangerous…the world will never have that much bloodshed again."

Ridinoff was gasping in terror, he was starting to understand who they were talking about. Just as he was about to ask to sprit, was taken somewhere else: Chernov's house.

They all stood around the mantle, wailing as the preacher gave derpy dima his burial sermon. Ridinoff's heart and head were spinning: who was this mystery pony who caused all of this!

The ghost seemed to understand what ridinoff was thinking, and teleported him once again.

This time, it was in canterlot's memorial graveyard, the ghost moved up to a freshly dug grave and pointed to the gravestone. Ridinoff trotted up, and upon reading it, reeled in horror. It read:

VICTOR RIDINOFF

He collapsed at the feet of the phantom and started crying "PLEASE! I swear, I will stop being an asshole! Just spare me my life!" the phantom took his robe off and said "NOPE. Just chuck testa."

Ridinoff looked up at the sky and screaming "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!"

Ridinoff sprung up from his slumber and hit the floor; he stood up, and saw that he still was in his canterlot office. He looked at the clock, and saw that it was Christmas morning, somehow, someway.

He sprinted out the front door, as joyous as could be; he was going to fix his amends, but first he had something to do.

(a short time later, in stalliongrad)

Ridinoff opened the door to his childhood home, and walked toward the closet; as he past the bedroom, he saw the closet was opened. He went to the bedroom, and found the present he was looking at on the bed, and finished opening it.

Inside the box, was a old, yellowed picture of his family; written on the back was  
_"to our loving son, Viktor, who we hope will have the warmth of love and friendship even after our passing" love, your parents _

Ridinoff put the picture down, and started crying; he may have been too late for his family, but he wasn't too late for someone else's. he put the picture in his saddlebag and headed off for ponyville.

(later, at Chernov's house…)

Chernov was enjoying watching his family open there presents, when he heard somepony knocking at the door. He trotted over, and opened the door; he was stunned to see his boss, ridinoff standing there with a smile on his face. Chernov stuttered "do you want me to go back to work? I suppose I could later today—" ridinoff said "work? Today? NONSENSE! No, I just came to tell you I WILL pay you during your Christmas holiday, and I also want to tell you SGT Chernov, that you have now been promoted as we speak, meaning your pay grade has gone up, not including your promotion you have! Also, I will help pay for dima's medical treatment!"

Chernov gave him a strange look and said "uhh, why are you doing this? Are you all right, it looks like you've seen a ghost!

Ridinoff, smile unfaltering said "like you wouldn't believe I saw a ghost, I am the 2nd richest military pony in Equestria, I can help you with all the money I got lying around! Well, I would love to stop and chat, but I don't want to interrupt your family time!" he then turned around and trotted to his next stop: his friends.

(several hours and quick shopping later….)

Ridinoff lugged his cart of presents over to marcus's new house, where he would dazzle them with gifts galore. Ah, how he was feeling right now.

Ridinoff sighed happily as he finished the tale and sat down; everyone was looking at him with a strange look on their faces. Marcus shrugged and said "well, that was the best thing I've heard all day!"

For the first time in almost five years, everyone's mind was at ease. The first Christmas in Equestria was a huge success.

Author's note: well, merry Christmas to you guys; you're a great bunch of readers. Remember, don't drink and drive, or eat the yellow snow. Time for some specific shout-outs:

Shadowfire117: man alive, if it weren't for you, this chapter would have never been this long or even completed. BTW, I still love the molestia's coming to town song.

Turdy1: I hope like hell some nice person gets you a 12 month XBL membership, so I can send you an invite sometime. Also, don't be naughty; the molestia watches you. All the time.

Robbytherouge: ah, just a straight-forward merry Christmas; you were the reader who commented heavily on my first story, and shaped the FFE universe heavily, we all owe you thanks.

3derp of ganji news radio: tell your dad to get off of his ass and set up your router/modem. Do it, now.

Codenameone: if I had long-distance mailing, I suppose I would'a sent you a 3-month XBL card, also, BF3 is godly. Pancor jackhammer with extended Mags and explosive ammo; That is all.

Skycrusher: I would have told you merry Christmas, but I took an overused meme to the knee. You also lost the game. Damn sister. (inside joke)

Well, I will get off my ass and try to release more regular chapters of FFE3, I promise.

REVIEW. Please.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: try releasing 2 stories and co-opting another THEN write a few chapters for a story you had a minor writers block with T-90 vs. Abrams arguments (MERKAVA IS BEST MBT) and 1 BF update later, you make a chapter. Some call it insanity, I call it the past 2 weeks.

Chapter 21: kill em' all (and let god sort em' out)

Price ducked as general KNOXX got flung over a large wall; liberty pie had taken quite a beating, but was slowly wearing him down; he now just needed to find batman, or at least keep on with his mission. He holstered his sniper rifle and picked up an UZI off of a dead HUB trooper. He grabbed the clip belt off of the body and headed into the open base.

The first rooms had been damaged in the blast, with dead bodies littering the place; it reeked of pot, and he followed the trail of doobie smoke down into the first sub-level of the base. The trail ended in a large lab room with several large machines and some terminals that were still on; price walked up to the closest one and began to read.

After a few seconds, he was stunned; it was equestrian documents from there STG units. It had early video footage of the first battle for Equestria, it had plans and listing of "doomsday bunkers" codenamed stables, and it had the location of a top-secret equestrian lab, ordered to be built by the princess herself. He looked at the location, and double checked it; it was where Marcus was heading.

He kept digging deeper; somehow, he pulled up security camera footage from a few minutes earlier. It featured batman ransacking the palace, and looking at the computers; after a few minutes, he yelled "HOLY SHIT…..THATS A LOT OF POT!" and ran into a glowing portal that had opened on a machine not to far away. Price pulled out a large hard-disk and began transferring the information on to it; he would then plant a bomb to wipe this base off the map, and then give this intel to the F.o.T.

He hoped it would be of use.

(elsewhere, a bit earlier with batman….)

He had gotten into the lab, and he was trying to find out a way to stop the elements of douchebaggery; he was going through the listings of each of the members, but one struck him odd:

Applecrack.

She liked making the good ganji; he figured that if he could make an alliance with her, he could have pot, a spy, and pot. Maybe some pot if he was lucky. He pressed a button that said "teleporter linked: sweet ganji acres"

His eyes went wide as he yelled "HOLY SHIT….THATS A LOT OF POT!" and sprinted into the teleporter.

(at current time)

He found himself out of the portal, and 50 feet above fields of green; he wasn't concerned about it…that was pot!

(50 feet later…)

He woozily got up from the ground and checked his arm-mounted doobie cannon; just as he was done calibrating, a rhasta-thick accented voice said "ah, ah, ah….you be grabbin' meh ganji!" he looked up to see a applejack doppelganger wearing a rhasta hat and holding a double-barrel shotgun. Batman smiled and said in his trademark chian-smoker voice "are you the pot god?"

Applecrack paused for a moment; he reeked of a good smell, and he didn't look like a pony. She lowered her gun and said "who be ya breda?" he smiled and said "I'm batman…fighter of justice, smoker of pot…with a doobie cannon." She looked at him and said "your working for equestria!" he shook his head and said "hey, I don't…were just guys who are told to do stuff, same shit, different day. Am I right?"

She sat down and said "you know; ya right…I guess we don't fight da cycle, right?" he shook his head as he rolled a blunt; he handed it to her and said "that's where your wrong…lemme tell you a lil' story from back in nam'…69,-see we were fighting for some BS reason…"

(elsewhere in Equestria, with marcus)

He had snuck to the base with incestia; they were now only 10 yards and a wall away from the building; it was a large lab, built into the rock so it wouldn't be seen by anyone who wasn't looking. The way it was built…it looked like less of a fort, more of a research station….

He and incestia climbed over the fence, snapping the neck of a sleeping guard on the way in; they quickly went into the building, without a noise. As they headed down a hall, incestia pointed at a sign and said "look! This is the "equestrian SSA research faculty…since 2552"

Marcus gave the sign a strange look and said "equestrian? Why didn't the princess tell me this?" incestia shrugged and said "I dunno…maybe they wanted to solve problems without a human's help. Likewise, I think the humans would do the same if a pony tried helping them!" marcus shrugged and said "I guess you're right. I am only an alien anyway."

They headed down the hall a ways, and when they rounded to corner, they were met by a grisy sight; at least 4 slathered, slaughtered scientists , lying next to some magazines and terminals. Marcus screamed "OH MY GOD! LOOK AT ALL THIS PORN!"(Swag.) and picked up the blood-stained magazine right next to them; he shook it and a DVD fell out, upon which he picked it up and read the label: _Big mac and the plight of rainbow dash; over 3 hours of pure pony pleasure._

Incestia hoofpalmed and said "celestia Marcus, TONS of dead bodies, you see the porn. Wow. Well, whatever…let's check this computers and see if anything other than porn is on them." She turned the screen back on and a recording came up, made from one of the scientists before the incedent:

_Day 7; we have gotten the generator back up, so we sent that new scientist unicorn Gordon freemare to the test chamber with subject 069. It should be going in now, i-AGGGGH! *LKKKddjkadjk* good god! What was that! It shook the whole lab!_

_*end recording-next recording*_

_Day 8; oh god….we released something we can't begin to imagine! Freemare put in the subject AT THE SAME TIME as some asshole unicorn tried a huge teleportation spell! We OPENED A GODDAMNED PORTAL TO ANOTHER WORLD!_

_*fast forwarded, day 20*_

_-they invaded the lab, and have taken us prisoner. They ship us 1 by 1 to there homeworld if we disobey. I don't see how other ponies can be so evil to us! I hope they don't take me, god I hope—_

_*fast forwarded day FILE NAME CORRUPT* _

_GOD I CAN'T TAKE IT! we are making a break for it tonight, to warn equestira. We can't do this anymore! I-AGGGGh! *splatter*-end message._

Incestia put down the terminal; from what she had heard, the HUB troops had control of this place for a while before any of the 2nd equestrian war happened. Strange. She turned back to Marcus, who was looking into a large room with a metal door; he leaned back and said "uhh…you better come here. I see why they didn't like what they were doing!"

She looked in the door, and almost wanted to throw up; the room had dissection tables, as well as large vats and tubes. In one of the tubes was the "zombie ponies" they ran into in canterlot; the others contained a gray vicious fluid that was labeled "reaperlol"

she looked over the computers, turned to Marcus and said "I would love to spent at least a paragraph explaining that these are ground up ponies that will make a superweapon to bring Equestria to their knees, but the portal to the HUB is over there and I hate talking! Also, I love you Marcus…SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!"

as she ran through the portal, Marcus stopped for a moment and a random HUB trooper walked in and said "dude….what?"

Marcus shrugged, shot him, and walked in the portal.

(meanwhile, in sweet ganji acres…)

Batman and applecrack sat like vegetables for a moment as AC said "woah me breda…das some crazy ass shit…you tri-wielded M-60's?" he puffed another doobie and said "damn straight…I killed everyone in Atlantis, that's why it doesn't exist anymore!"

AC laughed and said "yo funny mon! we need to hang an stuff!" batman nodded and said "stop working for those HUB assholes, and you can spent the rest of you goddamned life smoking with me, I own a bottomless fridge!" she nodded and said "I trust you me breda…we smoke a bway more, than we go to ganjichoppa!"

They both laughed as the grabbed a newspaper and some ganji mixed with kool-aid.

A/N: reapers, ganji, aillies, ganji, and a random confesson of love. Trollololololololol. Yes, I am random. But that makes this story much like my first tries at writing WHICH WERE FUNNY!

Anywho, back to the next chapters of my battlefield story, my mass effect parody story, and my fallout story Then You guys should read my mass effect story, as well as the battlefield story At least after you review because I asked nicely.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I was going to make this chapter longer, but my final exams are all week, nad I put this chapter out to add more to my story; I am sorry to say its shorter, and I have the nagging feeling it was rushed. Meh, well at leas ti still remember my fans! Also, hows that studying going, shadowfire? Is it for exams too?

Chapter 22: price the COD master, ridinoff the war veteran.

Price sprinted into the F.O.T's bunker and yelled "LOLSCHILD! YOU NEED TO SEE THIS!"

Lolschild stepped out of his private office with 2 blondes and a bathrobe on and said "what do you want price? A major attacked has gone sour, as you witnessed. Liberty pie is missing for unknown reasons, batman vanishes, and all of my crack is gone. Hard to tell which is worse."

Price threw the paper on the table and said "Equestria is about to get hit. HARD. The princess foresaw it and built "stable" doomsday bunkers; we need to get into the HUB and destroy that dimension, or all of Equestria will fall!"

Lolschild looked at the papers and said "lets see; satin ether is alive-how? How is that possible….lets see, abducting ponies for project: REAPER….using abandoned UNSC moon base's superweapon…" he looked at price and said "this isn't looking good. According to these reports, Equestria has less than a week until destruction."

Price stood at attention and said "I suggest we infiltrate the hub and use the X3 to destroy that universe!"

Lolschild nodded and said "a worthy plan, but we have to defend Equestria; all cities that are in our control will be evacuated to the stables, will all the support from our troops." Price shook his head and said "what about Marcus? And ridinoff? They are going to bloody DIE without support? And what about the elements of harmony, we need to save them, and let's not forget the princess…"

Lolschild Gave him a look and said "they will be remembered in the coming empire."

Price's face turned red; this was the reason he denounced the league of badasses, and lost his mind to being feral. They gave up on what mattered most.

He ditched his F.O.T gear and picked up his intervention; he was going to stop this by himself, and with or without their help.

(elsewhere, in ponyville…)

Flutterbitch ran into the library and said "HEY! SPACKLE! WHERE ARE YOU BITCH!" sunset walked out of her room and said "what the fuck do you want? Yer goddamned rabbits fill the pipes with shit?" she shook her head and said "no…worse; we have captured most of the towns ponies and sent them to the HUB, but when I went to see colored cake, she was dead on the floor; I called all the little shits to here so we can hold them off!"

She turned around as the door opened, with necessity walking through the door. Flutterbitch yelled "where are the others you stupid whore!" she shrugged and said "Cloudjumper is in the HUB, applecrack is off somewhere getting high, cake is dead, I'm here and so are you 2. That's all of us."

As they sat down to plan out there escape, a loud _thump _echoed outside the tree

Spyro walked in and said "well…at least my death will allow me to die in peace!"

(outside…)

Ridinoff leaned against the window with luna and said "I'll take down spyro and flutterbitch; lets squeeze some Intel out of the last 2 before we snuff em' out." She nodded and said "this will be the fun part."

They slammed through the window, instantly killing the muted yellow Pegasus and purple dragon; the pointed there weapons at the 2 survivors and said "spill out intel before I spill you out!"

Spackle spat and said "go to hell."

Luna smiled and said "you make luna angry." And turned her into swiss cheese with the 7.62 rounds; she turned to the fake rarity and said "last chance?"

Necessity puckered and said "fine; I'll talk. We were trying to take ponyville by slowly de-facing it—" the door opened and applecrack stuck her head into the door; necessity hit luna in the gut and said "COVER ME!"

AC coughed and said "OK!" she swung the door opened and blew her head off with her double-barrel shotgun; batman appeared behind her and said "If I was a pony, I'd fuck you; that was hot." She chuckled and said "wait a bit me breda, wait a bit"

Ridinoff looked at batman and said "what is this!"

He smiled and said "I spoke with applecrack; she had a change of heart and said she would help me, in exchange after we force the HUB from Equestria, we go to Kingston and get high." Luna laughed and said "batman…you're the greatest guy anyone could get."

Before the caped crusader could reply, a voice on ridinoff's radio said "victor, it's me price! Pick up now." He clicked the mike and said "what do you want?"

"it seems the F.O.T has given up; you and Luna are ordered to go to stable 1 and these nav-points. If you find batman, tell him to go there as well..in less than a week Equestria may get destroyed on the surface, and we need you safe. That is an order, price out."

Luna looked at them and said "its…over? We lost? Because those stables were built to stop the final day of equestria…" ridinoff shook his head and said "I have my orders…we need to get there and radio marcus to join us. This sucks; we didn't fall back during barklin!"

Batman shrugged and said "take applecrack; I'm going out solo to help marcus."

Before ridinoff could argue, he was gone into the night.

(meanwhile…)

"-UUUUUUCCCKKKKKKK!" Marcus yelled as the portal tossed him on the ground; as he slowly got to his feet, he saw incestia a few feet away. He looked around at "the hub"…it was like Equestria, except it was raining, and was excessively grim looking.

Incestia looked at him and said "we have very little time; we have to get to the capitol!" marcus grabbed her mane and said "what was all that you said to me? Before we teleported?" she smiled and said "just getting things off of my chest before we headed on a suicide mission; I was telling no lies."

Marcus shook his head and said "fine…I don't find it weird, just, a little unexpected."

She said "jump on my back, I'll fly you to where we need to go."

As they took off, Marcus asked "so…what do we do first, save the princess, or kill the overlord?" she said "the princess will come first, but I have a feeling that our problems will be will your old nemesis satin ether; I sense her among the living here."

As they headed toward the sooty city, Marcus racked his shotgun and said "I need to have a few more words with her."

A/N; FUCK…I am so goddamned tired…I need coffee.

I am having trouble with this story; I had a major writers block (I had the idea, but I just couldn't word it right.. that's why this chapter is rushed)

Look, for my mental state of mind…review. I need to know that someone, ANYONE still reads my ramblings.

R&R, and I hope to write again soon/

-M.B


	23. Chapter 23

This begins the ending section(s) of FFE3: act 1. Act 2 will be in the same story, but will take place a bit after what happens when - and marcus - - - -

Pretty awesome, huh? I love that part too.

Also, this story finally finds its roots! And it feels….good to be back.

(I hadn't updated because my computer crapped out, and I had to fix it.)

(in reality, it wasn't plugged in, and it took me 2 weeks to discover this)

(FML)

Chapter 23: the sum of all fears

Rainbow dash was truly scared; mendez had captured everyone except twilight and herself…he wasn't going to stop, and he was suffering. It truly was a living nightmare.

She lifted her head up as the sound of explosions filled the air; she turned to twilight and said "go on ahead; get out of here! I'll hold him off, until you get to safety!" as twilight sprinted to a bunch of trees, she turned to dash and said "I'll get help..don't you worry!"

As she left, it was time to face down the toughest challenge of her life: mendez.

She inhaled as he barreled through the treeline, for some odd reason, with a mustache and tophat. Maybe Blackburn was drunk out the ass when he wrote down her monologue. Who knows.

As she tackled mendez and began to beat the shit out of him, she hoped twilight would find help.

(elsewhere…)

Marcus and incestia crawled through the mangled underbrush, toward the large base in the distance; as they broke free of the growth, he heard screaming and gunfire in a gulley below them. As he leaned out to see, incestia commented "is that…twilight?"

Marcus saw her running from 2 HUB troops; before he said anything he jumped down into the gulley and pushed twilight to the ground, taking 2 plasma blasts to the chest. He yelled in agony as he pulled out his pistol and shot both the HUB troopers dead; incestia jumped down and said "marcus! Are you all right, you've been—"

He put his hand on her mouth, half out of "shut the fuck up", half out of care; he looked her in the eye and said "get twilight up, and out of here…its too dangerous, and I would kill myself if anything happened to you…"

Twilight clambered to her feet and said "I'm fine marcus, no thanks to you; but are you allright? I see…stuff in your body." He looked down the see his kidney with missing, as if torn out of his body. Before twilight could countiune, a vison of what happened through his head:

"_candy mountain charlie!_

_GODDAMNIT WHERE THE FUCK IS MY KIDNEY-oh, look while that human is not looking, I'll jack his kidney lololololol"_

He shook his head as he asked twilight "where's rainbow dash and the others?"

She coughed and said "mendez captured them…rainbow dash is holding him off right now, to give me time to escape and get help!" incestia looked at marcus and said "we need to go stop him!"

Marcus looked at the base in the distance, then at his wound and said "not we, i. it is my duty to fight for equestira, and fuck it, retirement sucked anyway. You get twilight to a stable back on earth, I will do my final act of my life. Look, I love you too, incestia, but…I breed problems for anyone! Get tosafety, I'll get everyone back."

Before she could reply, he vaulted over a wall and headed off to where twilight indicated Mendez to be.

Despite twilight not saying anything, he somehow knew what had happened; all he felt was déjà vu'….fighting a crazed mendez. Again.

As the blood ebbed out of his body, time seemed to fly, and soon, he felt himself jumping into a box canyon, with only 1 way out. He looked at the far end and saw mendez standing over a semi-aware rainbow dash; he saw him talking into a radio and heard the voice of Cloudjumper say:

"_we have the power to run the reaper. Kill her."_

In a monotone voice, he replied with a "yes" and pulled out his bowie knife, and moved toward dash. She weakly said "c'mon mendez…don't, it's me! Rainbow dash! Remember the time we fucked in the school for show and tell to help scootaloo? Or the time we fucked in marcus's bed when he was on vacation? Or the time we…"

As mendez swung the blade down, dash closed her eyes, waiting for the crunch. But she heard the crunch, and felt something warm on her face; she opened her eyes and saw marcus standing there, the knife buried in his shoulder. Before she could say anything, she heard marcus yell in sheer pain:

"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAD SEX IN MY 600 CREDIT SHEETS! GET OUT OF HERE DASH, BEFORE I KILL YOU TOO!"

He flung mendez to the ground and crushed his hoof under his steel-reinforced boot, causing him to wail in pain. Dash turned and flew out of the canyon, toward to area that she knew was the portal. She had a sinking feeling in her heart….2 of her friends were dying.

(back to the canyon….)

Mendez hit marcus in the sack, having him keel over, then ripped his ear off with his blade. Marcus pistol whipped him and pinned him to the ground; he yelled "WHERE IS THE PRINCESS!"

A voice on mendez's radio said "my my, you are going to kill your friend? Its mendez, just mendez…"

He smashed the radio and said "Mendez would never do this….this is an abomination, that I will end here and now!" he picked up a sharpened rock off the ground and slammed it into his gut, and preceded to tear out his guts on sinew.

As he dropped the rock, he looked at his now-pitiful foe; Mendez lay on the ground, gasping like a dying fish. Marcus turned around and slowly walked to the end of the canyon; as he headed to the end, he swore he heard him utter "_thank you….old friend."_

Marcus had broken the only ties he had left, and now it was time to end the hub, once and for all.

(elsewhere, in the 5th dimension….)

Chuck Norris had a grim look on his face; equestria was on the verge of losing, and marcus had stopped the hub from using mendez, but it still wasn't good.

It wasn't a known fact, but the fifth dimension was also under attack from HUB forces; they had anyone who had ever been in a major battle with equestria brought here to combat them.

He headed off the receiving room to meet there new member.

(later…)

Chuck walked into a medical looking room, with several of the badasses looking at the table; Dave Jordan walked up to Norris and said "I heard you're going to be in _expendables 2_….also, Mendez is waking up."

He stepped past Mr.T and duke Nukem and sat down next to the pony and said "your safe now, my friend…you were conceived from the flesh of duke's manhood* and shall live a life of fighting for Equestria…do you understand?"

Mendez slowly got up and said "I…I think I do…what happened? Where the fuck am i?"

Chuck was about to say when dave interrupted and said "Mendez…I hate to break it to you, but Marcus killed you to break you free from cloud jumper's mind control, so now you're in the fifth dimension, where we are getting a special team…with 1 mission, and 1 mission only:-

A lt. walked in and said "—KILLIN NAZIS."

Dave glanced at him and said "uhh…that counts, but I was going to say save Equestria."

He waved Mendez over and said "follow me…we have some people for you to meet again, as well as some new faces…"

As they headed down the hall, Mendez (still in some shock) said "Dave…is that really you? I remember you died stopping the WMD from hitting the planet….i mean, no homo, but we missed you man!" Dave chuckled and said "likewise, friend…at least in the 5th dimension, I can freely speak to my friend Samantha, but that's another story altogether**.

As they headed down the hall, dave stopped and yelled to a bald man at the end of the hall "HEY! ZANE! Come over here! I got someone for you to meet! Again!"

He walked up and Dave said "you may remember Zane valkynaz***, he has offered help in this mission, with his cryo-bombs to cover us during the hot 'n' heavy stuff that will happen in the final battle…"

Zane looked Jordan for a moment, then said "you've been planetside…is rarity still a bitch? And did you die of herpes? Also, if you see Blackburn, tell him it was yourn who destroyed his 3 months of work."

Before Mendez could respond, Zane shook his head and said "well, I have to get to the lab, see you later, Mendez."

Dave grabbed his shoulder and said "all right Mendez, just go through this door, and you'll meet you new squad mates!"

As he walked through the door, his heart stopped, and his instincts kicked in; sitting at a table playing poker was Basilius the brute chieftain, grunt major, and a toaster who was 'going to bathe the world in nuclear fire'

The last thing he remembered was passing out.

A/N:

*for those who don't remember, mendez's pony form was made via duke's ballsack

**it really is another story, as a reference to my buddy turdy1's "stranded in the giant" series, where Dave Jordan is from.

***zane is from skycrushers story that adds to the FFE universe "fight for equestria: friendship is madness" (I lol'd at that story…you should too.)(NOW)(RAPE)(YOU)

Well, it's the final hours until the HUB's move…what will marcus do, and where is batman/captain price?

Revi-fuck it, you get what I pitch every A/N.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: no, really….i had MAD writers block! I swore I fucked up on this story, I think. Combine deleting a fuckload of my stories, or the fact I can only seem to write when it is 1:00 I the morning…bear with me people. Also, I have something that my buddy 3 derp has put on the table. Dunno if he'll be pissed I brought his up, but I need to see if people will give a shit; FFE is being animated to a series on youtube. We got a plan, we started the storyboarding. If UPS gives him any time to himself, it'll go much faster. But, ive been doing my own work on it. but, I won't give you too much of a boner yet, so heres the chapter in stuff…

Chapter 25: and you thought pinkie broke the 4th wall…..

Marcus grabbed the testamorph by its throat and tossed it to the ground in a adrenaline fueled fight for survival; he fired in cover as he began to back up to the main door. As he leaped through, he shut the door as more testamorphs began to appear. He heard the sound of metal being clawed as they tried to claw through, but with no avail.

He saw a med kit on the wall and filled his bigger wounds with bio-gel; as it seeped in and sealed his gashes, he checked his amount of clips left for his M6; of which, he had 4. He jogged, or rather, quickly limped down the hallway.

He was stunned to be back on the moon base; he swore it was destroyed years ago when the first missile got destroyed..everything he was doing seemed very un-entertaining and distracted…this base was supposed to be destroyed!

He past through the halls, looking at all the melted and twisted metal; it brought back memories, good and bad. The death of batman, of Dave, general Sheppard's plan…but it all came back to the base. He didn't even know who made the base! Some say UNSC, others say GDI…but…but HOW DID KNOW ONE SEE THIS COMING!

As he limped into the control room, satin landed on a panel and said "my plan WILL work! You can't stop me at all—" marcus interrupted and said "just shut up; I know what your going to do, destroy this, destroy that blah blah blah….you know that because you aren't invincible to bullets I could just shoot you?"

She stopped for a moment and said "well….shit….WAIT! IDEA!" magic from her horn appeared, an she then pulled up some shields and said "now what are you going to do?"

He leveled his pistol and started shooting, landing several shots on satin's upper body; as he slid the clip out, he reached down and pulled out his last mag, and just as he was about to slide the clip in, she tackled him and started stomping on his torso, breaking most of his ribs instantly.

As he clicked the mag in, satin burst her shield, knocking it away.

Just as she was about to finish him off, the sound of several portals opening caught their attention.

There before them stood 3 Michael Blackburn's, and a small pile of fish.

The first Blackburn snapped his finger and the task force 141 theme played as the garbled "SOOOOAPPPP" and sound of violent quick scoping filled the air, with bullets pinging everywhere. (all missing.)

The lead Blackburn stepped up and kicked satin into the control console and shot satin 3 times in the head, watching her flop over dead; he turned to the other Blackburn's and said "see? My solution was quite pain free. Less repeating of time."

The other Blackburn's helped Marcus up and reluctantly agreed as a loud _click_ caught their attention; they looked and saw that satin's dead body fell on the "HOLY FUCK FIRE EVERYTHING" button that was actually on the console.

Blackburn fell on his knees and yelled "GOD DAMIT! IT HAPPENED AGAIN!"

The other Blackburn walked up to him and said "well, maybe it will just be radiation poisoning to the planet, it couldn't be worse—"

They looked up out the window and saw the tactical nyan "planet-breaker" slam into Equestria, breaking it up into so many explosions, Michael bay would be proud.

Marcus weakly raised his hands and said "what just happened?"

Blackburn sat down and said "well, this is the 5th time I destroyed the planet, I guess we really do need your help. Let me fill you in after we get mendez."

(meanwhile, in the 5th dimension…)

"OK GUYS! LETS KICK ASS!" chuck racked his shotgun as the reaper approached, and just as the battle of epic proportions was about to happen….his phone rang.

He paused life as he picked it up, rather annoyed and said "ok, what the fuck! I am leading a epic battle right now, what is this about?"

Blackburn replied "uh…yeah…well, see….i kinda just destroyed Equestria and everyone on it again."

Blackburn held his head away from his phone as chuck yelled "WHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAT!" so loud, a bit of his flesh fell off.

Chuck regained his breath and said "what are you going to do about it?"

Before Blackburn could reply, Marcus grabbed the phone and said "fix it….keep things busy until we get back."

As he put the phone down, Blackburn sighed and said "I fucked up somewhere…other me's, go to your respective timeframes and see what went wrong." They both nodded and disappeared.

Now just him and Marcus, Michael leaned over the control console of the station and said "I tried so hard, yet I keep fucking up….first fuckup I did caused a asteroid to slam into the mountain above canterlot, and the debris destroyed canterlot…..the second time, we covered the planet in radiation, and killed 80% of the equines, griffons and dragon…leaving the other 20% left to fight of the zombies that somehow were made, really, zombies? I mean, that's really clichéd…unless you're playing that ARMA mod DayZ…But that's a different story. THEN, I try again a few more times, destroying the moon, killing all the equines, almost making a alternate dimension…then, just when I thought this plan was good. I destroy the planet…GOD DAMIT!"

Marcus coughed and said "what did you do, how did you get the chance to repeat?"

He sighed again and said "I am pulling writer's suicide right now; it always was a taboo to appear in your story, much less being a hardcore game changer to fix anything that looked good at first, but then was hard to explain. Also, windows vista sucks more than jerry Sandusky in prison. See, what I was going to do was root out and destroy the cause of these…causes of the destruction of equestria, without vastly changing the outcome of metion. Also, I need to do this subtly, so I don't become a character of major importance in my own damn story. Also….this is the longest 4th wall break ive done to date. Is it called the 5th wall? Or is that when you rape the viewer…I CAN SEE YOU MASTERBATE, ROBERT.(inside joke, ignore this) but anyway….if I patch you up, give you dual silverballers, and some coke, will you do me the favor of saving Equestria?"

Before marcus could reply, he was slapped on his wounds with bio-troll medigel and was handed a old-era Russian revolver from the 1990's…he hadn't had much time with one, but he thought it was a 412 REX. Blackburn nodded and said "I will stay here in this time frame and see when things change, as well as give support to the fight against the unexplained and uncaptalized reaper in the 5th dimension. Remember, you got more freedom to kill than me!"

Marcus, before he was able to reply, found himself being launched through time, to fix the fuckup of another man.

A/N: god damn…if I stay awake long nuff'! well, see….3derp an' I are story boarding FFE1. We don't know what well do to animate it….see, we will most likely do it on flash, right? But, I can make skins and shit for source games, and with source filmmaker….i dunno….all I know is that it is being done! It is real, and it is happening; we got sprites, a plan, we just need more beer and voice actors! But, he said he'll try to find em'. Oh, and in this chapter, equestria got destroyed. Not as important.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: well…..fuck, you guys know I was late, 4 months late to be exact….it was a cross between procrastination, being gay, 4 new beta readers to attend to, playing battlefield and getting my 4700th kill with the MK3A1 (just 6000+ until my 10000th!) and, some major writers how-the-fuck-do-i-fix-my-plot block, even stooping low enough to have myself in the story, providing support…fuck! I swear I will make it up to you homies, but in the time I was procrastinating I made a short story bashing call of duty, read it if you want. Well, starting from where we left off a while back…..

Chapter 26: the final solution (yes, this is a Hitler reference)

As the portal dumped marcus in the middle of a field, his radio that could get messages through time rang…somehow.

He picked up the quantum 4th wall breaking Iphuc phone and listened as Blackburn gave his orders:

"you are about 1/3 to the beginning of this story. The elements of douchebaggery have been put in place, eliminate all but applecrack, and then you'll head back in time a bit more, to fix several other problems…"

Marcus looked at the weapon Blackburn had given him; it was a MP-412 Revolver Export, with a shiny chrome finish and its black finish on its handle was accented with the hitman logo from the silverballer.

He looked up and saw that he was in a field outside of cloudsdale, and in the skies above was the battle between Cloudjumper and rainbow dash…this was his convenient chance to stop it!

As he aimed up, something occurred to him:

_They were up pretty high. How was a pistol going to reach up there?_

He picked up his phone and called Blackburn, asking for advice; before Blackburn responded, a FIM-69 "anus avenger" SAM spawned in front of him as Blackburn hung up; apparently, Blackburn was this desperate to fix his story and this universe.

He picked up the launcher and began locking on to Cloudjumper from the ground;

(a fuckton of feet up)

Dash was speeding as fast as she could to ponyville; maybe someone could help her; this pony was just as fast as her, and twice as dangerous; she turned her weapons systems on as the air radar beeped as small caliber bullets whizzed past her body, it wasn't a time to run, but a time to fight.

She tightened her muscles as she did a 90-degree vertical, and swooped down on jumper, but before she could open fire, her suit's VI reported: "WARNING…ACTIVE AAA SCANING DETECTED."

She muttered "what the hell…" but before it made sense, she saw a SAM streak out of the clouds below, and slammed into Cloudjumper, turning her into a red mist.

She checked her radar and saw a single contact on the ground, human, dropping a launcher and heading off to the ponyville area. She did a steep dive to see who it was.

(back on the ground)

Marcus dropped the launcher and smiled; one down, six more to go.

He ran off into the forest to get to his next target, but before he could get to the treeline, a rainbow colored steel streak slammed into the ground in front of him; he had his pistol drawn, but it was pushed aside by a alarmed rainbow dash "marcus…what are you doing here!?"

He lowered his pistol and said "look..i can't tell you! It may ruin this set in time! Besides, I am on a mission!"

Dash shook her head and said "look…I don't know what your mission is, but unless it's a mission where you are traveling back in time to save everyone in the future so you have to knock me out to save us all, you better start talking!"

Marcus weighed his options, and without any thought, he knocked dash out and turned on her retrival beacon to have the cloudsdale airforce pick her up; he knew they would be here in 3 minute sor less, so he took off toward his next spot, Fluttershy's house.

(meanwhile, in the 5th dimension, in present time…)

Chuck norris ducked as the reaper fired yet another blast at his unstoppable abs he got using the total gym; as the reaper prepared to fire again, it shuddered as rainbow dash disappeared from it's core, and she materialized next to him holding a SAW, firing at the reaper.

Zane, who was watching the whole thing ran up to dash and said "how did you get here!?"

Dash looked at him like he was crazy and said "I was here the whole time! Marcus got me into the 5th dimension before the final assault on the HUB to help you guys! Stop stalking, and start shooting the reaper!"

They both shrugged and began firing at the reaper again.

(back on equestria…)

Marcus was in a ditch about 30 meters from Fluttershy's house, and watched as she attended to her garden; he pulled out his REX and waited; he saw flutterbitch heading up to Fluttershy's house now. He got up and began to jog over.

(at fluttershy's…)

Fluttershy walked up to her garden and said "oh, hello angel bunny, how are you today?" Fluttershy said as the small rabbit flicked her off. " you must be hungry!" she cooed; the bunny facepalmed as Fluttershy placed ANOTHER carrot in front of him, making that number 257 for today….

As Fluttershy walked to the house, she felt something hit her in the back of the head; she turned, expecting a angry angel bunny, but instead saw a grayish-yellow Pegasus was standing there, glaring at her.

Fluttershy in almost a whisper said "oh….uhh, hello my names—"

"SHUT UP BITCH!"

Fluttershy stammered; this pony was hyper-aggressive, so she started trying to get into her house; as she reached for the knob, she was tackled to the ground as the other pony started punching her; as she began to scream for help, a large black-clad blur tackled this evil version of her to the ground; she ran into her house and began to hide, peering out the window as the action began.

Marcus huffed and be kicked flutterbitch in the head, watching the blood trickle out of her nose; she got to her feet and yelled "TAKE THIS YOU BITCH!" and stabbed him in the shoulder with a garden tool lying on the ground

Marcus winced in pain as the hoe drove a hoe into his shoulder, splitting the meat from the bone.

He slammed her against a wall and scraped her face against the small rock fence, covering it in blood as he grated her face against it; he kicked her in the gut, watching her cough up blood.

She tried to cuss him out again, but he crushed all her ribs with his boot, then shot her in the head with his REX; as he opened the revolver to load in some new ammo, he stuck some bio-gel on his wound and ran off before Fluttershy or anyone else could ask him why he had done it.

His mission was going better than he first thought.

A/N: I need to thank the guy who gave me the idea to use A/N instead of saying authors note; anyway, in this chapter the parts where he saves the respective E.O.H, its when it happen from the first few chapters, so he's pulling some back to the future shit in this place. Also, for those who dare see flutterbitch mistreat Fluttershy (*cough* the guys who accosted me for killing her in the first story *cough*) I made her death and killing as reasonably graphic as I could when typing this a 3 in the morning. Damn, I need a beer right about now.

Well, I just want to tell you guys, I thank you for having patience with this messed up ol' writer; I have this story under control, and the next chapters are rolling off the presses, no interruptions at all. After I finish this story in a few weeks, I will have time to focus on my battlefield and fallout stories, as well as my mass effect parody. My call of duty one should be done in a week or so; no more than 5 chapters, I think.

Well, read and review then confess your love to me—shit, I was swapping tabs between adult friend finder, ignore that last one- read and review, then stay on your toes, my homies.

ITS ALL ABOUT THAT 2 CHAINZ!- no, seriously though, take care mate, do not look up that stupid rapper if you like brain cells.

-"lord" Michael blackburn


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: have you ever had something your damn proud of? A car, a cat, a favorite drink? Well, I can think of something I am damn proud of: this chapter! This was a great way to take off for the last section of this story, leading up to the final battle. It's the way my humor was supposed to be, and I will sniffle in happy-ness-ness as you read it and wonder what goes on in my head.

Also, LEGION! MAN VS MACHINE! *gets shot in nuts* (legion and friends reference)

Chapter 27: sniper rifles, _mein kampf_, and pedobear

As Marcus neared ponyville, he checked his ammo; he had about 32 more 357. Rounds in his back pocket, and enough medi-gel to sedate a cow; he figured that was enough to take on colored cake. He shouldered his sniper rifle that Blackburn brought in; it was an M-82AU-6 anti-materiel rifle, 12.7x51 pulse rounds loaded.

He was heading to a position that effectively overlooked the town, so he could pick off colored cake and perhaps sunset spackle, but he had something 'special' planned for necessity, but that was a bridge he would cross when he got to it.

The spot he chose was a grassy knoll, just on the other side of some plaza named dealy, after some pony he didn't know. If he remembered corrected, the mayor before the current mare who was mayor (yo dawg), JFK, was killed in the center of this plaza; many say it was a plot by the current mare that was mayor to become the mayor by killing the first one with the help of celestia's KGB and Cuban triggerponies. But, that was all history that the KGB says is not true as they give your children DRUGZ.

As he placed the sniper rifle down on the ground, and began to sight in on the sugarcube corner; just as he set up his tent and campfire, a loud hick-ish voice that no-one can type without butchering her accent or making pedo rule 34 about her yelled "HEY MARCUS! WHATCHA DOING!"

He looked to his left and glared as he saw those annoying foals, the whatever the fuck crusaders, standing next to them. From what he remembered, it was scootaloo, sweetie bitch, er- belle and applebloom AKA pedophile wet dream. Marcus forced a smile that dripped of "fuck off" as he said "hi girls…what are you up to? Still fucking hunting for your cutie marks that you are not going to find bothering me?"

They all nodded and said "we want cutie marks! But, seeing that having an orgy with that nice stallion in the rusty old van didn't give us cutie marks, we came over here to learn how to shoot and kill stuff!"

Scootaloo added "and we want to also worship some cool guy named Hitler!"

Marcus chuckled and said "well, its just your lucky day; I just so happen to have a autographed copy of _mein kampf_, some powered armor, and a few sub-machine guns; how about you go read this book and play with these guns over by that theater playing _dark mare rising_? I am sure they won't mind."

They happily nodded and skipped off screaming "FOR HITLER!"

Marcus rolled his eyes and growled; he had killing to attend to or else his worst enemy would kill him in the future and marry his mom or something, like that last back to the future film. At least, that's what he REMEMBERED about it….i think. He aimed down his rifle, and it appeared to be just in time.

(meanwhile, at sugar cube corner….)

Pinkie was leaning against the door, trying to keep this freak out…she looked JUST LIKE HER and was violent as hell, she called herself "colored cake" and was a fascist liberal pinko (pun unintended)

Pinkie was thrown to the ground as the door was blown in, and glanced up to see colored cake standing in the doorframe, a trophy belt tied to her waist, and a PTAS-12 auto-shotgun in her hooves.

Cake got just inches from her face and said "you would make a great stew…but the overlord tells me he wants' your fatass…for now." She was about to bring the stock down on pinkie's face, who was curled up, ready to meet her baker. Just as the stock began to go down to her head, a loud sound that was much like the gauss rifle from fallout 3 rang through the town, and color cake was turned into colored bits in a large, bluish blast that covered the room in gore.

The PTAS clattered to the ground as pinkie got to her feet, and looked out of the hole in her window, only to see a human in tattered, but familiar, black armor sprinting away from the grassy knoll holding a large rifle. The townspeople sprinted into the bakery at that time, and tended to pinkie, asking what had happened.

(meanwhile…)

Marcus felt something different; he thought that this was like _hitman_, but with less cops who try to kill him; it was fun as hell to do this. Maybe after this shit was over, he would become a hitman and kill bitches with awesome soundtracks playing.

BUT…if he was going to play hitman…he needed to see twilight quickly.

As he ran down the alleys toward the library, something occurred to him; he was considered dead at this time, and it had concerned him after he remembered; it was only a plot point for the first 3-4 chapters.

As he smashed out a window and snuck into the back room of the library, he heard a voice straining to keep a gruff _back in nam _veteran accent, and the sound of a an M-90 CAWS shotgun being racked "you turn around nice and slow, or I'll blow you back to hell commie."

Marcus turned to see spike in a whiskey-stained tank top and a horrible 5 o'clock shadow on his face. He looked like Max Payne.

Marcus, still holding his hands up, said "spike…it's me, Marcus waters! I know you guys thought I was dead, but the princess was doing…things to me so I faked my death and lived like a hermit for a while! And what the fuck happened to you, also I need to see twilight, its life and death."

Spike, slightly lower his shotgun and took a good look at him then said "well, I be a jews uncle….why am I talking like this? And anyway…to answer a few questions, I look like this because after twilight ragequit after playing half life 2* a few years ago, she raped and abused the shit outta me; my only friend was 190% proof vodka…I then chased the purple dragon, and killed little kids…with my DICK. No, really, I strangled them like it was a garrote. And, sure…twilights in her room, probably fisting herself with a cheese grater like she did to me. Now, get outta my quiet-time room and let me burn my ankles with lit gunpowder."

He put the shotgun down and opened a barricaded door on the other side of the room and kicked Marcus out into the main room of the library, which was littered with said vodka bottles, and he heard a hair-raising sound of a cheese grater going against a fleshy thing. He gingerly went upstairs, as he heard the sound of twilight grunting and growling, as well as the cheese grater speeding up.

He looked into her room and saw her vigorously trying to shave a wet sponge that was next to 16 gallons of empty Hawaiian punch bottles, using a cheese grater. She looked up and gasped upon seeing Marcus, and said "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

Marcus rubbed the back of his head and said "yeah…I've been getting that a lot lately. But that's beside the point; I need you to hide somewhere, ANYWHERE here that isn't easily findable; someone is coming to try and hurt or capture you. I have a plan to stop it, and why are you grating a sponge?"

She said "ok, I'll go hide in spike drug locker in the main room, and I'm also cleaning this sponge because punch got in it."

Marcus nodded, slightly concerned and said "well…ok, go hide now, and never speak of this sponge EVER again, and I'll be happy..also, I was never here."

Twilight nodded as she went to go hide in spike's drug locker; around that time, the front door knocked. He ran as fast as he could to the bathroom and set up his trap…after a few seconds of prepping, he ran to the door.

As he opened the door, a unicorn who looked like her wearing a plumber's garb walked in and said "I heard you got a pipe that needs fixin'…..he-he." Marcus said "the owner of this place isn't around right now; who are you?"

The unicorn spit and replied "my name is sunset spackle, plumber and student to nightmare moon; I came here because, of a 'pipe'…"

Marcus stepped back and said "the toilet is over there; I'm going to leave this place in a minute, but not until the toilet is fixed." Spackle rolled her eyes and said "ok…I'll go and check out the shitbucket if you want, if you'll leave…" Marcus pulled out a detonator and waited until spackle was looking at the toilet, plunger in hand; she said "well…I see your problem right here, there's a big, olive drab clog in your toilet; damn, it even says "front toward enemy" on it, what was this bitch eating? Say, wait a minute…that looks a lot like a claymor—"

Marcus smiled and hit the detonator, firing the claymore he hid in the toilet; bits and pieces of spackle and sunset spackle flew out of the bathroom, the decapitated unicorn lying in the floor of the oval office.

Just at that time, spike ran past him and said "THANKS FOR UNCLOGGING THE TOLIET" and sat down to take a shit, propping his feet on the dead body.

Marcus left as quick as he came.

A/N: *is a reference to threederp of ganji news radio's story "fight for Equestria: friendship is itchy" (story about rainbow dash getting herpes, and trying to find cure, takes place after FFE2 around 2556, just before FFE3) and, in chapter 2, pinkie interrupts twilight while she is playing half-life 2 in ravenholm on hard and dies because of pinkie, she ragequits and, well, takes her anger out on spike. We see the results behind closed doors, as he is now emo like the dark knight (MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!) and looks like max payne. If someone does drawings, I would love it if out of the goodness of your hearts, draw a picture of spike like that. The internet would love you, and so would i!

In other news, this chapter flowed like water, and was ironically funny! Also, the claymore in the toilet could be considered a reference to bad company 1…I didn't realize it until I re-played BC1 this morning, where, if you have the gold edition of this game, and read the manual, it says that (and only in the gold edition) that haggard got transferred to bad company after he stuck a claymore in the XO's toilet. I didn't know this, but its twice as funny to me after learning this.

Well, R&R buds!


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: well, school started for me again, so that delayed my releasing of this chapter, but I got it done I a good amount of time. Also, as a note to Cole, I will start referencing you as soon as the fight begins again. Which, the final few chapters should be around 37-40, so the fight will come soon.

Chapter 28: necessity is the mother of all bastards

Marcus headed down the alley toward rarity's boutique; all he had to do was get necessity and kill her, then convince applecrack with the help of batman to hang with them and help them in his attack on the HUB, after he got the help of the fraternity of tin, who have been struggling like crazy to make liberty pie a mother fucking plot point for the past 2 stories, but never succeeding

He had to take out necessity, as he said, but it needed to be…ironic. Creative. Something, with pizzazz! Damn...he was thinking assassinations like rarity was thinking dresses!

He sat in the alley across from the boutique, and as he thought of an idea, he plugged his iPod 3000 in and started listening to his meme music; first came the "leeroy Jenkins" song….then came his true capitalist radio troll-ghost-songs…but, THEN came the oprah over 9000 penises song; and then it hit him like a load of bricks.

He got on his phone and called Blackburn; it would be risky, with a chance of unleashing slenderman in this world, but the chance was amazing; after about 10 minutes, Blackburn reluctantly agreed; he gave Marcus 10 minutes to get rarity to a safe place, and lock necessity in the boutique.

He ran across the street and knocked on rarity's door; rarity opened the door, almost passing out, and said "MARCUS! Your sup—"

He interrupted and said "supposed to be dead, yeah yeah….look, I hate to be rude, but you have to leave RIGHT NOW. Your life is in danger, and you need to hide in this closet in town hall; it's the only safe place for you when they come and cum; look, I would love to explain, but this is really important. Trust me."

Rarity tried to talk "but, my work—"

Marcus held his hand up and said "I am trying to save your ass from them, just go and hide; I was never here." She glanced at him, and then ran off to the town hall; he got inside of the boutique and jammed all the doors but the front door, making it only able to swing in, then lock…meaning that it was a 1-way trip for the most part.

He sat in the rafters of the house, with a string to open the front door, and his foot in the window.

Necessity walked into the boutique about 3 minutes later; Marcus yelled from the rafters "this is it necessity, say your goddamned prayers!"

She looked around the room and said "I'll blow ya if you tell me where that bitch rarity is!"

Marcus cringed at the sound of her 80 year old hooker voice; before he could say anything, something slammed on the door outside, and a strange gurgling sound, as well as grunting and groaning could be heard. Necessity looked up and saw Marcus pulling the string to the door, beginning to open it; she started begging, and protesting not to open it.

Marcus then yanked the door open and jumped out the window to safety; he saw the door shut from the outside as pedobears flooded the building, and necessity screaming in pain, soon drowned out by the pedo's gurgling.

After about 20 minutes, he had Blackburn teleport the pedobears back to 4chan, and went in to do battle damage assessment; the only thing that implied a fight was the pool of herpes stained blood on the ground that once was necessity. It wasn't pretty, but it was a needed death.

He jogged off to sweet apple acres to talk applecrack out of her deed; he just had to get on his ganji phone and call batman to meet him there.

As he headed through town, his phone vibrated as a panic filled text message appeared from Blackburn:

OMG PEDOBEARS INBOUND; SHIT, 4CHAN IS STRIKING BACK!

Marcus looked up as the "9000 penuses oprah remix" started playing, and 40 pedobears fell from the sky; Marcus stood still as they sniffed around, looking for their prey. Just as one began to notice Marcus, applebloom yelled "IT'S TOO TIGHT!"

The pedobears got massive erections and went into a crazy frenzy as they charged to the pony who made that noise; as soon as their backs were turned, Marcus began to get high ground on a building, about to open fire, but around the time he got to the roof, he heard gunfire and several quotes in German; as he opened the door to the roof and leaned over the side of the building, he saw the cutie mark crusaders with TEC-9's and AK-47's in body armor burning down the movie theater with a Nazi flag flying in the background. The area was littered with pedobears corpses .

Marcus held his brow up and began to sneak out of town; this wasn't big on his list of shit that he wasn't responsible for this.

He set his bearing for sweet apple acres, and hoped batman got his message.

A/N: perhaps I was only a little high when I did this chapter. I WAS HIGH ON LIFE MAN.

Also, consider this authors note my classified ads of them all:

WANTED:

VOICE ACTORS OF MAIN SIX

A FEW ARTISTS WHO WILL MAKE POSTERS FOR THE TITLE PICTURE OF THE FFE'S

ELCOR HAMELET DVD

THE MLP CHARACTER PARTS FOR MAKING VIDEOS WITH FLASH, YOU KNOW, THE 'PUPPET PARTS' THEY USE..OH, THE SPRITES! THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

Sorry for all caps, that's just how classified ads roll.

Please, review this chapter and answer my dying questions. Also, any suggestions (my readers) of things that should be employed for the final battle in FFE3? Lastly, there Is a poll on my profile, answer it.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: god DAMN…its midnight right now, and I finally got this chapter done, along with FEW OTHERS. Sorry; I can't even make a better excuse other than YES I am making a parody clopfic, YES I am writing "my little witchhunt: lynching is magic", YES I am writing my quarianXhuman porno "fuck and flotilla", YES I am making another battlefield story, and YES I am also making chapters for fallout texas, mass defacation, moderately predictable warfare, AND BETA READING.

On a better note, today is the 1st anniversary of FFE1.

Chapter 29: don't worry, just 3 more chapters, I swear….

As Marcus jumped over a small rock outcropping, he heard a raspy voice say "MARCUS! You glorious son of a bitch…you were dead like me!? What plothole brought you back?"

Marcus stopped to catch his breath and said "in the future, Blackburn blew up Equestria and ponies were ground up to make a reaper, then Blackburn saw mass effect 3's ending and wanted to get anything that could be related out of this shit. So I am time traveling to stop satin's reaper from being made, then going FORWARD in time to kill her, then go back in time AGAIN to make sure of it. if that makes ANY sense."

Batman coughed for a second and said "and how do I fit into this?

Marcus waved him to follow him to the farm and said "see, they were collecting the ponies by replacing each of the elements of harmony with assholes, then harvesting ponies to make a reaper out of them. I killed 5 of the 6, but I feel that we can convince the last one, applecrack, to stand down and join us, you guys will stay here and do shit, and then I will save princess celestia from satin…then I go face her down in the final battle.

Batman nodded as the headed to the barn.

(meanwhile)

Applejack had just finished collecting apples for the day, and was heading to the barn for a bath; as she walked through the door, she gasped in shock as another pony was sleeping IN the tub! She trotted up to the trespasser and said "what' in tarnation are you tryin' to pull off?! "

The pony lifted her Rasta hat, and applejack gasped, she looked just like her, but the only difference was the hat, and dreadlocks. Before she could ask the stranger who she was, the stranger jumped to her hooves and said "eh me breda, what ting you tryin' to pool? A breda can sleep where edda' she want!"

Applejack's jaw dropped; she barely understood what was being said, but she regained her posture and said "who are you, and why are you here?"

The stranger said "well, me self's applecrack mon, and' de overmon send me to find somebreda named applejack an' bag her she a rudeboy, you know mon?" applejack shifted slightly; from what she could understand, somepony sent her to foalnap her.

Applecrack could barely see straight; she, after all, only smoked 10 pounds of pot not too long ago; she took a long look at this pony, and tried to recollect what applejack looked like.

_Sa'….she lok' like te' badman overmon' wanted….play it coo', me breda applecrack, play it coo'_

Applecrack stretched her legs and said "well mon, it was nice in' ting to get some sleep in all, but I mus' be on my wa', me breda…help me to te' door in all…" applejack reluctantly moved up next to applecrack and thought _she sure has been smoking that stuff batman used all the—_

Just then a raspy voice yelled "STOP! MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!" another voice and the click of a pistol's safety caught their attention "applecrack…put down the pipe, don't make me cap yo ass."

Applejack heard the clatter of a pipe and saw Marcus and batman (they were supposed to be (parents are) dead)

She gasped and said "Marcus!? What are you doing here!" he grabbed applecrack and said "stopping you from being kidnapped…can you excuse us, applejack?"

She nodded and left to do other things; as she left, batman tackled applecrack and said "your just garbage that kills for money!" she shook her head and said "na me breda; I and I only need money for some more ganji, see?"

He paused and said "did you say ganji?"

"yeah me breda, ganji, Jamaican lamb's breath!"

"I like you already.."

Marcus interrupted and said "look, applecrack, join us and don't do what satin ether or the overlord told you to do; if you do, batman can take you to a pot field outside of Kingston!"

Within seconds batman was rolling a blunt and playing tony hawk pro skater with his new best friend (a cookie for those who get this reference)

As they started doing random shit, Marcus left; he had 1 more save, and then his babysitting was complete.

(elsewhere…)

Marcus had his belt-fed automatic shotgun with skittle rounds loaded as he leaned to the edge of the balcony; if his timing was right…he could get the drop and do some damage…

Luna ran to his PKP and put a 100 round belt into it, trying to cover ridinoff; each moment felt like decades, but ridinoff, filled with terror and rage, slaughtered the freak masses. As the last few were put down, ridinoff swore he heard one of them say "thank you" as he drove the blade through its heart. As ridinoff stood back up, he heard a sickenly familiar voice say "my, my….it looks like I underestimated you, ridinoff"

He looked around the room, trying to find the voice, Luna was in a panic as well, weapon aimed and scanning the room. Ridinoff was turning to look at the princess, and noticed a small pool of black smoke forming near celestia's feet. The voice said again "but, you will be dealt with eventually, in the mean-time, my minions shall take care of you, good by ridinoff. " he saw the cloud envelope princess celestia, and felt something knock him to the ground as a blinding flash of light filled the room.

He looked up and saw the princess begin to disappear, but just then, a window was knocked out, followed by Marcus with a excessively large weapon swinging in hosing all those motherfuckers down with storms of multicolored candy projectiles.

Marcus kicked the cloud that was nightmare moon, knocking the princess away before she could teleport. Nightmare moon growled at marcus and said "you will dearly pay for that, mortal…" she tackled him out the open window.

As they went in free-fall to the streets of cantorlot, marcus got pumped the fuck up; he unloaded what was left in his auto-shotty into moon's crotch, laughing as she yelped in pain or a really weird hot flash. He whiped out his silverballer MP-412 and began trying to put it to her skull, but got knocked out of his hand. As the pavement neared, she said to him "are you ready to die, human?"

Marcus spat in her face and rolled her over in mid-air, then said "no, but I hope you consider it greatly."

As they slammed into the ground, he heard a loud cracking of bone, and saw moon's back left leg was split at the joint socket, and was spewing all sorts of blood; Marcus saw his chance for a gory torture move.

He punched her in the face and dove his combat knife into her wound, twisting the blade around and utterly destroyed the entire section of her leg, until it was hanging by a few gristly threads of meat to her body.

Moon was in a state of shock; how could this happen to her? She..was invincible!

She began to try and conjure magic to teleport or heal her, but before she could contrite, Marcus with his REX in hand grabbed her horn and said "I don't think so, bitch." He then slammed her horn against a piece of metal on the ground, and ripped the horn from its place on her head…nightmare moon was now at his mercy.

She spat and said "bastard…you really think you can stop the hub? We have..an army, a whole world.."

Marcus put his finger over her mouth and said "I may not kill your army, or your leaders…_but I can kill you."_

He felt a crazed adrenaline surge as he drove her dismembered horn through her left eye socket, and out the other side of her jaw. As he raised his REX, he said "find peace in the embrace of sean connery" and fired a single shot, pouring her brains on the damp cobblestone of canterlot.

He sat down and panted; that was some mortal combat shit he just pulled. He looked up and felt the cool embrace of a evening shower; it was a ironically peaceful moment considering that there were dead pony zombies mentioned like 2 times in this story lying around.

Before he was about to teleport to his final target, something occurred to him: this moment felt too much like something a good writer would do! He stood up, dropped his fly, and began pissing on moon corpse, then began to t-bag it, watching the body flop around like _halo 3._

As he stopped, ridinoff ran up and said "shit man, were have you been? You were dead! And how did you kill nightmare moon, and why are you pissing on the body?"

Marcus pulled out a cigar and said "I was saving the planet from plotholes…look, I'd love to talk, but I have 1 more battle to do before my cross-plot hole fixing shit ends or Blackburn closes the Microsoft office window to watch some kinky quarian porn."

Ridinoff shrugged and said "oh…ok, well…time for me to have a gangbang with luna and celestia and celebrate how I defeated nightmare moon!"

As marcus began to teleport, he said "yeah…good luck with that bro."

A/N: I dunno if its me being tired as fuck, but I think this chapter was pretty awesome. But, you guys aren't mad I am working on a quarian porn story…right? RIGHT?

Shit, I need some sleep…also, review and shit, or send me some good tali zorah 'stuff' shit to my e-mail

R&R motherfuckers!

Lord Michael Blackburn, ou-ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz…


	29. i am the sword

A/N: after I read the most inspring message cole ever said about me (anyone in thr writers world, for that matter) and I shed many manly tears, I felt so good I was like I'M WRITING A NEW CHAPTER! So heres a motherfucking chapter!

Chapter 30: I am the sword…

As Marcus landed on all fours, he looked up and frowned; this was the F.o.T's base; it was the HUB! He got on his phone and said "Blackburn! What the shit…I thought I needed to get reinforcements!"

A voice crackled over the shitty phone and said "look, I'm sorry, but due to how you changed history, ALL of Equestria is under a invasion of massive proportions! They are holding off the combined forces of 9,000,000+ elite troops! It's a 100 to -5 ratio! You have to kill satin ether, you have to kill the overlord. Peace is not an option!"

Marcus ended the call and checked his REX; he spun the chamber and walked over a garbage heap, and in the distance was the HUB citadel. As he began heading down the path, he heard someone yell "INTRUDERS! OPEN FIRE BOYS!"

He looked to the left and causally shot 2 HUB guards as he kept strolling down the path; after all, there was plenty of time.

(meanwhile, in Equestria…)

Mendez ducked under a flaming M-47 and yelled "INCOMING ARTY! HIT THE DIRT!" he grabbed ridinoff and held him down as a blast from a missile barrage destroyed a WH-34A3 patrol tank that was holding down a squad of HUB flamethrowers from ripping up there left flank; just as the HUB troops were about to ravage the equestrian troops, the chatter of a CCSH-41A ripped through the air, quickly killing the enemy soldiers.

Ridinoff took this break in fire to get up and say "thanks luna..that shit was gold in timing…so, what's the skinny? I was talking with Mendez about fixing canterlot with the help of volunteers until these HUB bastards started swarming us and the F.o.T flooded the radio with battle-chatter and a lot of air traffic for bombings."

Luna reloaded the beaten sub-machine gun and said "we don't know what happened; it all started at least 24 hours ago when Marcus re-appeared; we all thought he was dead, but he wasn't he went into hiding a few years ago from my sister, as Mendez has most likely told you. At 10:00 pm last night he began almost teleporting between different places, and most of the elements of harmony had ran into him stopping attempts the HUB tried to kidnap them…we don't know where he is now, but all we know is that every front is under attack, and the fraternity of tin is holding them in key areas, but they can't last more than 24 hours or less. We just need to hold out canterlot, or else the leadership of Equestria will fall, as well as all hope."

Ridinoff nodded as Mendez yelled "HEADS UP! HUB GUNSHIPS RIGHT ABOVE US!" ridinoff got on his radio and said "guards, get some AT shit up here, we need heavy weapons! NOW!"

They all scrambled for cover and prepared for the next wave of attackers.

(back in nam-I mean, the HUB…)

Marcus was dead-set on the fortress now; he had gotten word from Blackburn that if he targeted this structure, the HUB invasion would be stopped as the supply lines would get severed; Blackburn would then inform the F.o.T and ridinoff of locations to enter the portal and begin a assault to cripple the HUB, and bring them to their knees.

The HUB troops, upon seeing marcus, turned tail and ran; only a few brave souls who thought they could take him stayed, and without thinking, he shot them to ribbons, watching them hit the ground in dancing pools of their own blood.

He reached down and ripped a set of tags off of his enemy; as he took them of, he jarred the black-clad pony's helmet off, revealing a grotesque amalgamation of machine and flesh, and he could clearly see that these were M-2A3 implants, used to make loyal conscripted soldiers out of convicts…but he felt that these weren't convicts, but civvies pushed into service..or not, it could just be the fact he was looting a dead body, and his conscience was kicking in.

He walked into the open gate of the base, and was almost instantly being shot at by dug-in MG nests; he tossed a masher grenade over his cover, and did it as many times as needed until he heard a loud splattering sound, and bits of a charred pony land next to him.

He put his sidearm up as he shouldered a HUB assault rifle and began to return fire on several of the troopers; he went from cover to cover until he was in a small metal shed holding HMG rounds and fuel for APC's, and he looked down at his rifle to see how to reload. The gun was rather strange in itself, as it was a hybrid of a industrial type rifle like a covvie weapon, but in different places it was industrial looking, and was a rather interesting shade of purple and gunmetal gray. It was 3 humps in a formation with a large trigger guard and handle…it looked much like a geth pulse rifle from _mass effect, _but it had a ammo counter on the side with the numbers "343" on it; from what he could tell, it was how many shots where left in the gun.

As long as he knew that, he would be fine.

He tossed yet another grenade out the shed and watched a tight-clustered squad get torn to pieces ; he ran to the bases command bunker and shut the door, jamming a metal rod in the door handles to keep the attackers at bay.

As he pulled up a chair, he noticed 3 core functions of this console:

HUB defense shields

Unit self-destruct override

Cake!

He made sure not to press the cake button as he planned out his actions…

(meanwhile, in canterlot…)

Mendez, ridinoff, and Luna were at the steps of the place, along with some of the 3rd shock herd's tank crews who abandoned there vehicles after they were knocked out of action; things were getting dicey real quick; they were down to the ladt few CCSH clips, and they had only a MP-443 with 5 rounds in it as a sidearm, if they didn't get reinforcements soon, they would be overran by the HUB commandos.

Luna chunked a grenade into a crowd of troopers and watched them get tossed through the air; Mendez was mowing them down as they ran up to their barricade, when all of a sudden, his CCSH made a loud _click_ sound, and the mag fell out, the last case hitting the ground. The other pony's weapons did so in the same fashion .

Mendez hugged luna and said "I always said I was going to die feeling up a deity"

Just as the HUB soldiers were about to crawl over the barricade, the hub gunships suddenly fell out of the sky, exploding in balls of fire, killing most of the HUB troopers in a fiery blaze

Out of the fire and smoke, several of the F.o.T's "Kiger mustang" tanks rolled through the smoke, mowing down anything that was still standing; the besieged defenders had never felt better.

Ridinoff walked up to Mendez and said "I got a message over my radio…you may want to hear it…we can invade the HUB now! God damn…Marcus did it again.

(back in the HUB..) as Marcus de-activated the invasion forces vehicle units, he also opened the portals to the HUB, and had Blackburn send a message to the F.o.T to begin the invasion; as he turned around to leave, he heard a loud rumbling sound; he kicked a table over and pointed his HUB assault rifle to the door, ready for anything.

About that time, the front of a TANK busted through the door, firing its LMG like a madman; Marcus began sweating as the tanks fire was heading to his side of the room, when he heard a loud flapping sound followed by the tank being picked up in the air, then tossed across the fort.

Just then, incestia flew into the room and said "hello, marcus….i think you need my help."

The first thing Marcus commented on was "you know you actually looked good, and not like a truck hit your face; and how did you know I was here?"

Incestia laughed and said "you know I can time travel too…I was 'informed' by Blackburn of the situation…look, the point is we need to head to satin ether and kill her, and we can get the undetected by riding in the back of a train that's passing by. When we are in the train I will fill you in."

(several minutes later…)

Marcus was stunned at this point; incestia KNEW about all he had done…but, she was not obligated to help him; why was she doing this? He looked at her and asked "I really don't think I thanked you for saving my ass back there; I just want to know…whats your angle? Really, I mean…you're my friend and all, but really? Speak your mind…we have time as we head down to the citadel."

Incestia glupped; what would she say? She couldn't just say she loved him, not without making it awkward, if she said it wrong, she would sound like a stalker….she had to say it, regardless…

She looked him straight in the eye and said "because…I love you, not like the princess who justs wants to mess with you, as in I would go to hell and back for you!"

Marcus blushed a bit and said "oh, well, that was unexpected…I-MM—" his words were cut off as incestia crawled up on him then began kissing the shit out of him, and feeling her hooves down his codplate (also known as: that piece of metal that protects your dick!)

As the train car feel quiet with muffled groans of pleasure and Marcus cussing himself out for doing this, the hours began to drift away…

A/N: ooh, shit! Marcus and incestia just did the nasty in the back of a boxscar! Oh, and sorr y if the fighting in canterlot seemed rushed, its just thast I spent 5 hours writing this chapter and I need sleep. Now, the next chapter will be the FINAL battle and canon ending; the next chapter will be the several alternate endings. And, I may do ONE last chapter that is a Halloween special for this story because I roll like that. It will most likely involve marcus and slenderman/slender man's ex-roommate celestia.


	30. HEMOPHILLA HO!

A/N: I am not even going to speak of how late I was. But, on another note, this isn't the last chapter to the story, the next one will have the final battle, plus all like, 8 endings the story has; other than that, ive been busy with school these past few months. Ive gone through a damn meat grinder, that's what! Look, ive had a rough time, and I am as always, damn proud to give you guys a new chapter.

CHAPTER 31 finale part 1: the greatest destroyer (of all time, OF ALL TIME!)

Marcus opened his eyes; he really couldn't remember where he was, or what he was doing; he looked next to him and say incestia curled up next to him, and the room now smelled like fish.

He determined to take a bath after this.

He put his armor back on and picked up his weapons; as he was about to wake up incestia, the loud explosion that knocked the traincar on its side, followed by the loud rumbling of engines.

Incestia awoke, startled, as the train slammed on its side, she looked at marcus and said "I think they found us!" marcus went for the traincar's door and yelled "FUCK! ITS JAMMED!" and began hitting it with the butt of his rifle.

The noise of the engines were louder now, as if they were right next to the train; a few seconds later, the metal started to cave in as a tank drove over the toppled car, its weight causing the door to cave in, freeing the duo.

As the tank rolled off of the car, they quickly scrambled out, coming face to face with the front of a tank's headlights. Marcus gulped; this was fucked with a capitol F. just as he finished saying his prayers to mighty allah.

Just then, he saw a figure come out of the lit tank commander's hatch; the figure yelled "Marcus? What in the…GET OVER HERE COMRADE!"

Marcus, as he climbed to the tank's hatch, said "is that you, ridinoff?"

The grizzled pony veteran laughed and said "it is indeed me, my friend! The F.o.T got a message from you, and so did I! I met up with them, and they let me command a tank once more."

Marcus laughed and said "let me in, I haven't gunned for a tank in years! We also need transportation to the HUB command thing in the distance.''

Ridinoff looked through a pair of goggles and said "indeed; that was where my tank column was heading; we are trying to clear the way for Mendez and his infantry battalion in the APC's a few miles back, but I must inform you that your alicorn friend cannot ride in or on the tank, as there is no space in here, and if a shell hit the hull, she would be a colorful paste. She can take my gunner and go to support Mendez in the rear column, I shall tell him ahead of time."

Incestia nodded as the tank's gunner crawled up on her back, and she nodded to ridinoff as she flew off.

Marcus climbed into the tank via the loader's hatch; this was a older tank of equestrian design; it looked like a WH-34, but it was much more advanced than the first WH tanks he saw in the first equestrian conflict, it had crude reactive slats on its sides, and the layout in the tank was less of a metal cutting hazard, and more of a human tank from the Vietnam war.

As Marcus closed and locked the tank's hatch, ridinoff said "I noticed you checking out the tank; yes, it is a WH-34, but it is the A1-bis model I had re-designed 2 years ago. I had a larger 106-mm demolition cannon added to bust targets not by sheer force, but by covering them in massive explosions! I wish it were better against tanks than it was, but it was better than the old 76-mm the first model had. Also, I had extra tank defenses and counter-measures added, based on human design from those books twilight had brought here…"

Marcus gave him a look and said "I thought she got rid of those!"

Ridinoff, as he ordered the driver to move out, said "no, she got rid of a few books that were problems, but most of the tech books about the military and technology like flight were saved. She gave me a few books on the military, and I left her be."

As Marcus locked in the tank's main gun sight, he said "well, I guess I should have known…she couldn't put a book down. So, what kind of resistance do you think we will see?"

As the tank rolled over the knocked-over train car, ridinoff sipped his vodka and said "I presume infantry, a few beeches in choppers, and if we are lucky, we can lock horns with those KV-5b "Kiger mustangs"! I haven't seen those since the fight with those covvie bastards you hate so much, and they are a tough nut to crack; maybe with these new upgrades, the WH can stand toe-to-toe with the dogs…"

As they headed through a small creek, Marcus asked "how did the HUB get the Kiger designs?"

Ridinoff replied "most likely, during the second incursion, the found/captured/destroyed and reverse-engineered them. We used those tanks for a while, but there are few left in service, because when this invasion happened, the tank depot that had those stored got carpet-bombed. But, the time for talk is over! We must crush these scum under the treads of steel!"

Just then, a voice crackled over the radio "_commander ridinoff, enemy tanks are converging on us! They outnumber us 3 to 1!"_

The old stallion laughed and said "then it is a fair fight, my friend!"

Marcus gave him a thumbs up as the tank sped up in formation to intercept the tanks going for the right flank; marcus turned the turret 35 degrees; as a friendly tank sped ahead, 2 consecutive rounds impacted its turret and side, causing it to explode in a ball of fire. A voice on the radio crackled "_poor bastards…there burning out…hellava way to die."_

Marcus saw as a tank commander fell out of his cupola, screaming in pain as he burned to a crisp on the side of the hull; this was a dirty war, and it gave him all the reason to end it.

He lined up the gun with a tank parked in the field; it was training its gun on a tank that had been hit seconds before and Marcus blasted the side of its turret of, sending chunks of steel everywhere, getting a howl of laughter from ridinoff. At this point, the other tanks took notice of his tank, and began firing in volleys, trying to hit the tank as it sped across the field; Marcus lined his shots, on a hope and prayer that a shell didn't slam into the tank and have him burn to death on side of its hull.

The other tanks in ridinoff's column were playing it safe, and hanging back basically using ridinoff and Marcus as bait while they weeded out the distracted enemy tanks.

As ridinoff spotted targets, a shell from a tank slammed into the turrets reactive armor, saving it from destruction, but bending the 5 inch thick steel inward, right around head level for him. Ridinoff pointed the tank who fired the shot and chuckled as Marcus turned it into a flaming heap of scrap metal.

Around that time, another voice on the radio said "_I think there falling back! Should we pursue, or take it slow?"_

Ridinoff coughed and said "are you stupid? Take it slow! They still had more tanks than us, and these bastards had higher grade gear; I can see this being an ambush a mile away! Spread the tanks out, diamond formation, and tell the APC's to hold on 1 mile out from us, and are the _siegebreakers_ almost here? Were gonna need them to crack the main bases defenses, no-matter what they are!"

The voice on the radio confirmed as the unit slowly moved ahead, scanning all sectors; marcus was looking ahead when he noticed a small hill rising about 20 feet up in a 45-degree slope; something didn't seem right about it, it looked like it was man-made….

As the lead tanks rolled over the hill, cannon shells hit the front part of their hulls so hard, the rivets flew out of the hull's seams as it back flipped to bottom of the hill, landing on another friendly tank; just then, the same cannons started shelling the top of the ridge pinning them down. Ridinoff turned to marcus and said "SHIT! I knew something like this would happen…take these goggles and try to spot what the hell those things are! I'll tell the _siegebreakers_ to get here as fast as possible; those guys are the only hope we have."

Marcus climbed out of the tank; he was surprised on how high the grass was, and used it to cover himself as he snuck up the hill. The laid down on his belly and zoomed in on the targets; he then shit himself a little as he saw the units that were firing: 3 guns that were almost 60 feet long, and at least 1 foot wide…those were overkill even vs. a modern tank of today's standards…all he could do was watch and wait.

For a few minutes, the guns fired just at the hill-top, fruitlessly smashing 5 foot gashes in the hill, but after a minute, the stopped firing and began aiming there barrels up at a 85 degree angle, about to fire.

It would rain shells right on the tanks.

Marcus determined a good 40 yards to the first part of the tranches near the guns, and the grass was pretty high all around, and he had his REX and assault rifle still…he was going to do this.

He slipped through the grass, and jumped into the trenches; just as the guns were about to fire, Marcus threw a grenade in the open slot of a bunker. He was then rewarded with a large explosion, a alarm going off, and at least 3 HUB troopers flying out of the bunker on fire.

The crews of the guns jumped down and (along with other troops) began flooding to Marcus, guns blazing. He jumped into the bunker he blew open and kicked over a large metal table; a voice on the radio crackled "Marcus! What in the Kremlins name are you doing!?"

Marcus, between volleys of fire said "those guns that pinned you down were about to drop shells right on you, so I am keeping them distracted!" he got off of his radio and tossed a grenade out the open door of the bunker, and watched the enemy troops get tossed like ragdolls outside. He fired his rifle at anything bold enough to move near the door, but the fight was getting tight…they were almost flooding through the door now.

He was holding back as best as he could, when a loud beeping sound came from his rifle, and the ammo counter read 000 on it. he pulled out his sidearm and was now in a corner; it was his last stand, it seemed. Just as the hub troopers were almost on top of him, a voice on the radio said "_all right boys! What'd we miss? Cause it's time for some indiscriminate justice!_"

A few seconds later, a shell landed on the roof of the bunker, smashing it in on the HUB troops, and giving Marcus an escape route; as he scrambled to the surface, he saw swantails of shells landing all over, utterly destroying any and everything in sight. He laughed in victory as several shells impacted the big guns, sending them crashing to the ground.

Marcus looked at the hill and saw the tank brigade roll over it, along with F.o.T zone troopers, and 5 familiar looking tanks; he swore he had seen these tanks before. As one of the pulled up, he saw what it was; a UNSC "widow" tank destroyer…he hadn't seen one in over 4 years. The only difference was the way the turret was laid out. A voice said "it is good, no?"

Macus turned to see ridinoff sitting on the cupola of his tank; he pointed to the tank and said "this is a M808-ST; the F.o.T took old M808s and re-built there frames; this version is a mobile arty platform we built from the husks the UNSC lost in combat. We need it to breach there defenses and punch them where it hurts, but for this phase, you need to move in with the ZONE troopers. You can get a ride off of out tanks for now."

Marcus nodded as he leaned himself off of the side, near the cupola; a few zone troopers sat down on the engine compartment, their weapons in hand

The tank units formed a circle around the arty as they moved forward, running into little resistance

(45 minutes later….)

As they neared the urban buildup area less than 1 mile from the citadel, ridinoff locked the tank's hatch and said over the radio "this is your stop, Marcus. It would be too dangerous to ride on the side, these guys are most likely using rockets. Just keep the tanks safe."

Marcus got off the tank, and led a squad of 12 zone troopers into the alleyways of the city surrounding the area; he looked back and saw the siege tanks setting up and started shelling the area, the shells hit randomly ahead, and the ground shook each time a shell hit.

Marcus was handed a rifle used by another trooper; it was a large, black cannon-like weapon, and he remembered them being hand-held railguns…those would indeed come in handy.

He went to the back door of a apartment styled building and kicked the door in; inside he caught at least 4 HUB troopers aiming their MPG's out the windows at the tanks, upon which marcus and the troopers put them down. As they splattered to the floor in a pool of blood, marcus ducked when the ripping out of a MG began tearing through the other part of the room; the zone troopers hit the ground and yelled "that's a fuckin' fifty! Our armor can't take that!"

Another trooper yelled "our railer's can go through walls! SUPRESSING FIRE!"

The troopers aimed to the wall where the bullets were flying in from and began firing off their railguns, punching half-foot wide holes in the wall until they heard a loud splattering sound, and the gunfire stopped. Marcus stood up and said "hold fire; you guys check the bodies, I'll move ahead to do some recon."

As Marcus walked into the next room, past the torn up MG nest, a voice on the radio crackled "marcus? Are you there! It's me, Mendez!"

He lowered his rifle and said "Mendez? Damn, its great to hear from you; did incestia make it to the APCs?" he responded "yeah, she made it. we are almost in the town, after the armor clears the way, me, her, and you will storm that shit as the troops hold the place safe from reinforcements . I can't talk much, I need to get back to shooting all these raccoons attacking the APC."

Marcus stepped out of the building and headed down the sidewalk of a street just ahead of the tanks; for a place that was the capitol of this dimension, he was surprised at the lack of troops flooding the streets. He just couldn't get it past him. He sat down on the sidewalk and waited for Mendez to show up.

(1 hour later…)

Marcus was crammed into the hull of an APC, with mendez on one side firing a MG out of a hatch, and incestia on the other side, and she was checking all the ammo to make sure the rounds wouldn't foul; marcus leaned over to mendez and said "how's it look out there?"

As he reloaded the MG, he gave marcus a look and said "just be glad this tub is bulletproof. I'm sorry if I am a little tense and unfriendly, but we are about 400 feet from the point when we assault on-foot. I'm really scared man. I wish that I could fuck rainbow dash 1 last time…"

Marcus slapped him and said "get a goddamned grip of yourself! You are Mendez, you are a GOD. You can't die!"

Mendez smiled and said "I'll make sure that stays the same for you. To the end, my friend!"

Just then the APC was knocked on its side by a large explosion; Marcus got slammed out the top hatch along with incestia, landing on the hard paved ground with a crunch. He got up and saw mendez crawl out of the wreckage, but something large caught his eye:

The citadel

That thing was NOT that big before; he didn't have time to inspect it further as the WH-34's rolled into a diamond formation around them, shaking as the fired there main guns at a wall of infantry and enemy personal carriers. Ridinoff's tank rolled up and he yelled from the turret's shell ejection port "hop on! It's another 200 yards across open ground"

Just then a voice on the radio crackled "attention all tanks, halt-enter line formation say again, line formation, and await further orders. Hold off all enemies until command gets the heavy's in the fight."

Ridinoff, rather shocked by the order, got on his radio and began to relay the formation of the tanks as Mendez massed the zone troopers in a nearby. Marcus turned to incestia and said "go find some cover to dig in, I'm gonna get to it with Mendez. Stay safe, you hear me?"

She gave him a concerned look and said "for you? Of course…and marcus? Still totally worth it.*"

Marcus nodded as he picked up a rifle off of a dead zone trooper and met up with mendez, who was in mid-speech "..and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor! He then took his fight money, bought 2 of every minority, AND THEN HE BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THEM! And now if there are 2 of any minority in one place, it's called Detroit! Unless it's a jail!"

The troopers held of their rifles and cheered as Mendez finished his speech with "so, unless you want raptor Jesus to come down on you like a ton of bricks, hold this position!" the troopers dispersed and took cover in destroyed tanks and rubble, scanning the area for movement as the main force of tanks got into line formation; in the distance, an alarm began to go off. A rifleman yelled "contact! Enemy troops…get ready to fight!"

Marcus hit the deck next to Mendez as a loud burst of MG fire ripped over the battlefield, with HUB troops and personal carriers rolling up, trying to break through the lines. A zone trooper stood up and fired his railgun, splattering a HUB guy taking cover behind a wall, to which Marcus swore the zone trooper yelled "get back to COD you camping faggot!"

Marcus took aim and fired a round from his rifle, killing several clustered enemies in a few pulls of the trigger. As he popped the heat sink out of his rifle a loaded another, he noticed a GDI sniper crawling 'like a worm' across the field, while 2 other troops covered him.

Marcus thought they were screwing around and was about to yell at them, but then, the sniper stood up and counter-sniped a HUB marksman out of a destroyed building, and did a fist pump as the body splattered against the ground. Marcus ignored what else they were doing as they began to focus fire on the enemy APC, punching holes in the light-skinned unit.

Over the radio, ridinoff yelled "Marcus! I got some reinforcements for you…the boys from the 3rd shock herd finally showed up!"

As marcus was about to ask why they weren't here in the first place, a MPG flew over him and destroyed the APC, and several ponies in dark green fatigues ran past him, firing there submachine guns at the enemy hordes.

Marcus looked back at the radio, then yelled into it "why are we waiting?! We need to attack the main base before they get their act together and wipe us out!"

Ridinoff replied "we need to get engineers in here to have them cross a invisible force field; if we go into it unprepared, we will get instantly killed! We don't have a counter for this!"

Marcus interrupted and said "can it kill HUB troops? And how high is it?"

Ridinoff got back on the radio and said "it is about 1000 feet up, and it will disintegrate ANYTHING in its fieldm including HUB."

Marcus thought for a moment and said "those siege tanks….can the launch rockets? And do you have any tow cables around?"

Ridinoff, partly getting the drift of what he was thinking said "yes… do. Get you men together, lets do something stupid together!"

A/N: combat was most of the first story, and I felt it to be a good nod at the series by adding a chapter with 90 present fighting. Also, to those who will mention this: yes, I know incestia is a alicorn and has wings, yes, she could fly over the energy death wall 5000, yes, all she would bring is mendez and marcus, but you forget: marcus is suited up in like 1000 pound armor tha the F.O.T gave him like 20 chapters back and was only mentioned like twice, but that just shows at least I know what is going on in my own damn story. So, I figure a large arty rocket and a tow cable is a stupid way to get over the wall. Its just like a Marcus-styled plan.

Well, for god sakes, this is THE LAST REGULAR CHAPTER (I hope)(really people, this story was pushed back 4 chapters, I (because of flow and my tiredness) have had to split the final chapter as you just read. Throw me the bone with a review so I can work on my other stories/ help turdy1 with our story.

MURICA!

(UPDATE: *is a reference to tali in me3 (providing you fucked/romanced her in ME2) where she comments on Sheppard "oh, and by the way, still totally worth it")


End file.
